Stung By A Female Player

[Foolish heart]

I think the hardest thing to admit Is when you realize you have been dating a player. You want to believe the excuses whenever she reschedule a date. You think she is such a great person when she tells you she is helping a female friend clean out an apartment in another state. But you think nothing of it when you don't hear from her that entire weekend.

 

For the most part I am a pretty sharp person except when my emotions get involved. Unfortunately you want to believe someone that has captured your heart and felt that you have so much in common with.

Even the good guys can get played.

 

Relationships are hit and miss...along the way you will have your heart broken and you more than likely will break hearts.

 

All I am saying is never give up on the idea because eventually it will happen.

[Ms Darcy]

Sounds like she just wasn't interested (avoiding you) versus being a player.

 

Were you guys in a relationship?

[Foolish heart]

I made the assumption that we were in a relationship. We had been together on and off over the last two years. I assumed the fact that we were spending time together and sleeping with each other.

[notalady]

Did you ever ask her to be exclusive or clarify what she wanted out of this? Maybe she thought it what just something casual.

 

You know what they say about assuming..

[Foolish heart]

There was the expectation that we were especially with her comments to me that she would not date someone to stand in line to see.

[notalady]

What exactly did she say? Was it a general comment about relationships in general or did she specifically say I'm only dating you, I wouldn't date anyone else at the same time.

 

Even then that doesn't mean she wanted a serious relationship with you, being exclusive doesn't equate to being serious about or invested in the relationship. Did you ever specially talk about what you both want out of this relationship, to make sure you are on the same page?

[Foolish heart]

What exactly did she say? Was it a general comment about relationships in general or did she specifically say I'm only dating you, I wouldn't date anyone else at the same time.

 

Even then that doesn't mean she wanted a serious relationship with you, being exclusive doesn't equate to being serious about or invested in the relationship. Did you ever specially talk about what you both want out of this relationship, to make sure you are on the same page?

 

You bring up some great points in your response. Obvious she was not invested into the relationship to the same extent I was.

At dinner a couple of weeks ago she had brought up the fact that at first she had thought that I was a player. She based this on the fact that I was single, successful and handsome in her words. She later stated that after getting to know me she realized that was not the case. She also said at that point she was not one to have stood in line waiting for someone.

 

I realize now that she was never serious on dating and that her attraction to me was that I was nice. I wish I would have been able to end things in person but I ended up sending her an email that it is best that we move on.

 

She emailed me she was sad how this went down.

 

I think that she was more sad that I ended it and not her.

[notalady]

She also said at that point she was not one to have stood in line waiting for someone.

 

It's easy to take that as to mean since she wouldn't do that, she wouldn't make someone else do that either. But that may or may not be true, it's not a safe thing to imply.

 

But glad you see things clearly now and ended it.

[Ms Darcy]

That comment doesn't suggest a relationship to me. But it sounds like you never voiced your desire for a relationship at all.

[Capricorn3]

I made the assumption that we were in a relationship. We had been together on and off over the last two years. I assumed the fact that we were spending time together and sleeping with each other.

Sounds more like FWB.

[Foolish heart]

Sounds more like FWB.

 

I think ultimately that is what it was even when she side steeped my attempts for clarification. I have learned what I don't want in a relationship by being with her. I also found that out that she was really not the person she made herself out to be but I let myself become taken in because I enjoyed the excitement she generated.

 

I realize that I was one of in a line of people that she was dating. She is very selective and stalks before pouncing. She knew enough of what to say in order to keep me involved.

 

The real eye opener came this past Monday where're some friends commented on her FB that it was great running into her and this guy.

 

Obviously someone who was visiting her from 6 plus hours away had to be more than a friend especially if she just met him online. She tried to dismiss it.

People eventually slip up...

[SoulTaker]

Sounds more like FWB.

 

I agree with Capricorn. Players don't stay around for 2 years. This is a FWB. This is too important a situation to assume anything. If you wanted "exclusivity", then you needed to discuss the issue at the very beginning when you were thinking of being in a relationship with her. Did you ever ask her what she was just looking for (friends, casual, LTR,...)? That's "Dating 101", know what the other person is looking for.

 

Did you discuss all of these things with her, and she lied to you? As you know, when someone is evasive or doesn't answer questions directly, then they've told you what you need to know.