What is wrong with him?

[Jimbo10]

Ok, me and the boys were going out to have some fun, get some food, go to the movies, see something with tons of explotions and pretty girls, you know, a fun night out with friends!

 

So a few guys were over, and i called one of my best friends And he said ( AT 6:00 AT NIGHT) He was really tierd from working and was ALREADY IN HIS PJ's!! So me and my other friend say we've both worked the last 5 days in a row, at harder jobs, longer hours, and we weren't complaining. He didn't budge, said he was too tierd, and i slammed down the phone. His loss, but it still bums me out!

 

My Question is this: Why did he stop wanting to have fun? Why won't he go out with the boys, hang out. He can't even talk to girls! I mean, he thinks he's so cool, but he is becoming more and more of a looser by the day. Our friendship is hanging by a straw, and all my other friends are really starting to dislike him! How do i help him? What's up?

 

I understand this isn't the number 1 most exciting forum, but i really need you guy's help and advise! PLEASE!!!

[wanderer]

by pj's he probably meant boxers and tee shirt... at least i hope so.

 

but he may be feeling bad about something. he might even be depressed cause that's one of the symptoms sometimes, not wanting to leave the house and giving crappy excuses to stay in. but i'm no therapist, don't hold me to this. but seriously, i'd ask him if something is bothering him. he probably trusts you as a friend considering you're a good enough buddy of his to be trying to help him like this - so if you talked to him without the pressure of "the other guys" he might open up and tell you what's up.

 

again, he may not have anything bothering him or wrong with him, but it looks to me like he's avoiding his social life and this is the only reason i can think of as to why. anyway, good luck, he's lucky to have a loyal friend like you.

[Prosper]

Hi Pal,

I dun think there is anything wrong with the PJ anyway. Haha! As long as it is comfortable enough and baggy enough not to be suffocated by urself, sounds a good PJ set to me.

 

U are indeed humuorous. Does he really dislike ur humuor, thats why he shifts away from u? Lolx! I dun think so, u noe.

 

I guess u shld ask him why is he so tired, and tells him that u guys miss him a lot and wans to chill out together sometime later, and gets him out. If he rejects, try to inject some sense of humuor and generosity and laff it out, and MIND U, put down the fone. It is very rude to slam fone, unless u guys are always into such lot of fun.

 

I believe ur humuor can get him up soon. I hope the rest of ur pals dun inject u with poison of how u have been perceiving, thats very important. U are a good friend. keep it up.

[Jimbo10]

I know slamming the phone was rude, but it was spur of the moment! I mean, that's like the 3rd time this month he's ditched us to stay at home! I mean, I'm not judging him on the fact he's wearing PJ's, I'm mad at the fact that, THAT was his excuse!!! Oh boy, my blood is starting to boil, i better go find some eggnog!

[Prosper]

Hi Pal,

Leave him alone for some time. U need some good happy time with urself too *pat* *pat*

[ticklebug]

Jimbo

 

Have you, even once, stopped and asked him if he was okay? If there was anything he needed? Some reason he seems to be so tired? If there was something going on at home he needed a friend to talk to about it?

 

And I mean asking him NICELY...not treating him like he's a jerk because he isn't doing what you want him to do.

 

I went back and found your post about him being a "mommas boy"...if you give him as much grief as it seems you do about the way his homelife is...he may just not want to hang out with you anymore. You aren't being a very good friend by berating him for things you know he can't change.

 

When he does get out of his house...the last thing he wants is to have to be reminded of what it's like there...

 

would you really want to hang out with someone if you knew you'd be the brunt of jokes or mean comments?

[xmrth]

hmm seems like you're giving him a bit of a hard time with this.

By PJ's he could have meant just kicking it in boxors or something like that.

You know-- just like how some people call soda "coke" or "pop". Just a different way of saying it. It all means the same thing in his case-- nightwear.

 

Anyways, if he's tired after not much work, well *I'M* tired after doing next to nothing some days. It could have been one of those days for him.

He could be feeling preassured by you guys. He might even find you all boring. Basically, give him some time alone, then see if he wants to hang out. Just ask him nice without pressure. Just ease him back in. And if he still doesn't want to hang out then that's it...

 

Oh and.. you shouldn't slam the phone up on him. If a friend of mine did that, I'd say it was their loss, too.

[ShySoul]

Something may be wrong and he hasn't felt like doing much lately. Maybe he really was tired or wasn't feeling well. Or maybe he just has a different idea of fun then you do. Not everyone thinks a "night out with the boys" is all that fun and something there interested in doing. I'd whether stay in then watch a movie full of explosions and girls in skimpy outfits, does that make me boring? I've never had much luck with girls, does that make me a loser? But I still like to have fun in my own way. Instead of getting upset with him, try to look at it from his point of view. What''s his personality like, what is he interested in? Getting upset with him or judging him as no fun and a loser doesn't do anything. Maybe you just have different values and interests than he does.

[Jimbo10]

But I do ask him if he's ok, anytime he's at school, or home, or my house, or out somewhere when he isn't happy when he should be i ask (not really that often though, he seems happy)! I'm a good friend to him, you need to believe me on that! I understand that he may not enjoy going out on the town with the boys. but 2 other friends, him, and myself used to hang out at my place after school on friday for some xbox, or pizza, or w/e. Recently, he doesn't even wana do that anymore. He always has excuses, and I DON'T GIVE HIM A HARD TIME!

 

Asking you guys is the most i've ever done about it!! I mean, hanging up on him is probably the meanest thing i've done to him. And this is by no means the first time he's ditched me! I never rag on him, or bug him, i mean, i don't even tease him about it. You guys are passing judgement on me, and assuming i'm beeing an a-hole! I'm not ok! I DON'T GIVE HIMA A HARD TIME!

 

I came to you first to ask how to deal with it! And wearing PJ's doesn't really matter to me, it just made me angry cause it's a terrible excuse to ditch your best friend! Do me a favour, before you tell me i'm giving my best friend too hard a time, Put yourself in my shoes blown off by best friend mutiple times, hear lame excuses that I know are not true... and having no idea how to deal with it! He just isn't as happy anymore. His family is great, (overly protective mother, but she wouldn't go so far as to tell him he can't go out and play) i know them very very well, they are nice nice nice people. They have a nice house, he has a fun job doing what he loves. He has great friends. He is still happy, just not as outgoing, and willing. He still laughs at jokes, talks lots at school, just doesn't want to do stuff with us anymore, and it isn't like he has anouther group of friends either.

 

Could it be depression? Contrairy to what some people seem to percieve of me, because they are great at passing judgement, I care ALOT! He really is my best friend. But if i said to ANYONE i think ****** could have depression, people would think i was nuts. I mean, even saying it, i feel nuts. I just don't believe it could be......but could it be?

 

Now maybe someone can give me some sound advise. Marry Xmas

[ticklebug]

jimbo - you made it sound the way you wrote it, that you DO give him a hard time...and in your momma's boy post...you even said you've made comments to him...

 

you said his mom was a control freak in that other post, now you are saying she is awesome...???????????

 

you are telling two different stories here.

 

being in his pj's wasn't an excuse, jimbo....his "excuse" was that he was tired...and it was further demonstrated by the fact he was ready to just go to bed.

 

For all you know he isn't eating right and not taking care of himself the way he should so his metabolism is shot and that makes him tired...there are a thousand reasons for why he is the way he is right now and the only person who knows is him...and you know what, he might not even know why...but he does know he's tired...

 

jimbo, sometimes you just have to accept people for who they are....everyone as they grow up changes...it doesn't mean there is something "wrong" with them. Sometimes people just want to be alone, have time to themselves...there isn't a thing wrong with that.

[Jimbo10]

You know what ticklebug,

 

Your hit the nail on the head! He doesn't eat right, and people do grow, and change differently!

 

It's just really hard on me (i know i know, him too) . It's really confusing, I've never had a friend be like this, so I'll just admit to being lost, and confused. From now on, I'm just going to accept it when he ditches us, and just be his friend whenever I can be.

 

He eats really really poorly, not that I judge him for it. Do you think I should ever say anything about they way he eats?

 

PS: Just for the record, I rarely give him a hard time. He's always been pretty sencitive, and giving him a hard time to him, probably wouldn't bother most people. I know my story about him has been about confusing, it's screwing with my brain too

[ticklebug]

you can try saying something...but I doubt it will sink in...

 

Not too many guys his age I know that wil pass up a double cheeseburger with the works for a salad just for the sake of energy.

 

If you think he may take it to heart coming from you, then go for it.

 

That or like I said in PM's...stick a vitimin in his taco bell....

[Prosper]

Hi Pal,

I think u are giving urself much of a hard time as well as to him. tackling ppl like him u need lotsa of patience. And by slamming down the phone, U HAVE NOT ENOUGH PATIENCE.

 

I have a friend that had always demand a lot of attention, she would ring me and out of no apparent or i would say understandable reason, she would slam down the fone at me. And i felt angry. No one likes the fone to be slammed on them. U got to learn to talk to him better. If he doesnt really like u as a friend yet, leave him alone for a while, before u lose control of urself and YELP at him, instead of helping him.