Still living with parents - a total turnoff?

[Lily04]

Hi,

 

I just turned 20, and lived in residence last year at college but for financial reasons have to live at home this year & commute to school (about a 45 mins. commute.) In any case, I recently went on a date with a guy who is older than me (around 28 yrs old), lives in a nice apartment complex with 2 other friends and is attending graduate school at my college. He's very financially stable & I don't know whether I should tell him that I still live at home (I could tell him that I live in the basement, which is partly true...our basement is nicely furnished, with a mini kitchen, bar, guest room, etc. so there's no reason not to think I wouldn't live down there if he ever visits..) OR do you think he would view this as a sign of immaturity, a real turnoff? I would live on my own if I could, I definitely feel mature enough, as I lived on my own last year, but I really can't afford it at this point, and plus there's a lot of people who commute from home since it's in the city so it's not odd..

 

In the alternative, I was thinking of telling him I share a condominium with one of my best friends who actually does have one (and I was thinking of living there next year if possible), but I don't really want to lie either. Would most guys at this age reconsider dating someone because of this..?

 

Thanks,

 

Sparrow

[Prosper]

Hi Pal,

State the truth, if he loves u, he should be accept it.

[Lily04]

well it's not really a question of 'love' yet..we're still just getting to know each other. I just really like him & don't want him to get the impression that I'm immature or too young for him because of this I suppose. If I tell him I have my own place in the city he might feel better about dating me. I guess I'm a bit concerned about the age difference as well then, not just about this..I don't feel it's a problem and he didn't seem concerned, but would something like this make him reconsider the age difference & possibly dating me?

[Caldus]

It really just depends on the guy I think.

[Lily04]

hmm..yeah. To be safe I think I'll just lie

[kalshane]

What's the age difference? As long as it isn't anything to raise an eyebrow over, most guys wouldn't have a problem with it because you're living with your parents for good reasons. Its not like you're living with them because you're not ready to be on your own. Any decent guy should understand that. I don't think you should tell him anything but the truth, anything else could come back and bite you in the rear.

[Amethyst]

I wouldn't think it would matter; but, even if it does...do you really want to base your relationship on a lie? I mean, relationships need to be based in honesty and trust; otherwise, they don't work.

 

If you tell him you live with your friend, he'll eventually find out the truth. (After all, he'll want to pick you up for your dates and stuff...do you really think you can handle running all over town just to make him think you live somewhere else?) Anyway, he WILL find out; and, when he does, your lie will most likely end the relationship.

 

Besides that, let me tell you something: the fact that you would even CONSIDER lying about something so trivial says more about your level of maturity than the fact that you live in your parents' house.

 

If you want him to see you as mature, then you'd better start by ACTING mature.

[Caldus]

No, do not lie.

 

...there's a lot of people who commute from home since it's in the city so it's not odd..

 

There you go. Lots of people commute from their homes so no big deal. The university I go to has several commuters every day and it's not in the middle of the city.

 

In the alternative, I was thinking of telling him I share a condominium with one of my best friends who actually does have one (and I was thinking of living there next year if possible), but I don't really want to lie either.

 

What if you end up not living there next year?

 

It's up to you though.

[Lily04]

I don't really see what the difference is living in residence & living at home..there's still a lot of immature people that live on campus or even with friends off campus, like with fraternity brothers and stuff. If it's largely a commuter campus like my school, then it shouldn't be such an issue..I'd think.

[kalshane]

Well there ya go... you're not living with your folks forever!

[Lily04]

Thanks everyone..

 

OK, I've decided I won't lie then. =)

 

Regarding the issue of living with a friend next year -- you're right, that's not entirely set in stone, it's conditional upon certain things so if it doesn't work out he'll eventually find out anyway.

 

And plus, lying is a sign of immaturity as well..I can't lie about everything that may be potentially displeasing to someone after all.

 

Thanks again for your thoughts,

 

sparrow

[Lily04]

p.s. kalshane, the age difference is about 7-8 yrs. He's in his late twenties, and I'm 20..I don't think that's anything to raise an eyebrow over..hopefully.

[kalshane]

Unless you live in some third world country.

[Lily04]

really, you think that's weird..I don't know. I suppose since I'm usually attracted to guys in their mid-late twenties it doesn't seem that odd for me..

[asdf]

um, to be honest, i like it if a girls still with her family at that age. i don't have much of a family of my own, and i like to see other peoples families i guess. but i'm a quirky guy, so it may not apply to all guys.

[JonnyG]

At 20 years old, i dont think u should be worried about living at home. I doubt he will be like "whoppee", but i also doubt it will really bother him that much.