Will she ever come around from a sudden emotional detachment

[Myknosis]

My wife who is 22 has been awesome. We were very happy together and I was her first lover, boyfriend...well...everything. Just a few weeks ago we were so happy and then a 180 degree turn happened. She said that all of her emotions just stopped. She says that she loves me but needs space and time away from me to figure out what happened.

 

I'm writing for answers to anyone who has experienced this. Any female who has experienced this, what is going on? How could she go through an emotional detachment literally overnight? Is she going through a possible physical problem? She has been under incredible stress lately from work, school and home projects. Could this be the cause? We tried to get pregnant just last month but to no avail so she went back on the pill. Could a hormonal imbalance be the cause?

 

I know for a fact that it's not someone else. She is trying to focus on school and work and says that she is trying to find her independence and that our relationship was too demanding for where she is at this point. I certainly didn't think I was too demanding but in fact allowed her a lot space. I helped put her through school, bought our first house, first car, and fully supported her in all her endeavors. She even wrote a letter to all of my family, friends and colleagues telling them that she is not closing the door on our relationship and that this should not reflect on me since I was a "loyal and loving husband."

 

I first need to understand what is happening and then any advice on what to do would be appreciated.

 

Right now I am forced to begin an emotional detachment because this breakup has been too incredibly devastating for me! Any words of experience would be greatly appreciated.

[perhaps]

You are getting the benefit of my new found and hard fought wisdon.

Just 4 months ago if you were to tell me my partner was going to leave me I would have laughed in your face. But apparently we were having two different relationships. If someone tells you something trust them. I was in total denial. And until last night was madly in love even having been dumped. And here is where you resonate. Yes I did switch off almost 10 years of love in ten minutes. I had to. She has turned my heart into confetti. So maybe you should examine if she was having the same relationship you were having?? Or if she turned off her heart on purpose for some other reason.

[silvanesti]

Hi.

 

Now, I don't know what had motivated your wife for that 180 degree turn. But I could tell you why I did that with my last boyfriend.

 

And it all came down to one thing... fear.

 

He was my first steady boyfriend. My first lover. My first everything. And I loved him to death. For a few years we had a great relationship... it was literally heaven on earth.

 

But then I woke up one day, and I looked at him. And it all hit me. The mere prospect of doing this for the rest of my life, (we were engaged) was terrifying. Being that close to someone for so long just seemed unreal, and I thought "better quit while your ahead".

 

Also, like I said earlier, he was my first. In some ways we had adopted a teacher/pupil relationship. And I didn't want that. I wanted to be his partner... not his student.

 

I left him for a while so that I could grow up, and become a stronger person. And you cannot gain strength if there is someone who will bail you out, or take care of you.

 

I say just give her time. This is were that old cliche could be used "If you love them let them go. If they love you they'll come back."

 

I cannot imagine what it must of been like for my financee, but I am truly greatful that he gave me that time.

 

I hope that helped.

[Myknosis]

She said that she needed space and independence so that she can be a stronger person for us. She says that there is no one else and I have struggled daily.

 

I've been reading many posts here because it truly has helped me to see that I'm not the only person who has experienced the pain and agony of being dumped only to be to told that the reason is for space and independence.

 

I've found awesome ways to begin my emotional detachment but my heart still hurts. I'm on the receiving end of the breakup and I tried to talk to her for understanding. I've smothered her with tears, endearing words, and information on ways that she might begin her process of understanding herself - but I've come to the realization that I can't fix or change her. I've tried to say goodbye only to fight with myself to e-mail or call her.

 

I am trying to find my inner strenght now. To all of you have experienced or are going through this, should I e-mail her and let her know that I accept that I can't fix her and that I'm not going to smother her with any more contact or information?

[Angie323]

hey, how r u?.... ok, it seems to me that your wife is feeling like she just settled... you were her first boyfriend, her first everything, maybe she needs time to think over your relationship. In other words, she is asking her self if she made the right choice being with you, it seems like she is unsure if she wants to make a family with you. I think she doubts that she didn't get a chance to "play the field" before she decided to marry you. she never got a chance to be with other guys to experience sum thing different. my only advice to you is to convince her that she found "the one" her first try searching. I heard that it is common toward the beginning of marriage that their is an ounce of doubt that may linger for several months. so it could just pass... that's all I gotta say, you asked and i tried, need sum more help e-mail me you know the address. bye now ...