I broke it off....want her back now.

[azrey]

I would like to just "let go" here. The forums here have helped through the worst of times (the first time i realized i was still in love with my ex-about 6 months after the break up). Tried as much NC as i could, but she messaged me again a few days ago. This point is about 12 months since we broke up.

 

Our relationship was beautifull, we loved each other so much but the reason why we broke up was because i started "losing myself". We were sooo close that finding time for myself to do what i want was an extreme rarity. This and things like her temper made my internal angst towards our relationship grow as time passed....though i still LOVED it when we were in each others' arms and enjoying doing everything together. It was like unpredictable wheather conditions, it was awesome for a awhile a nightmare next. This eventually led to our break-up and it was i who said the terrible words.

 

It was great as my new found freedom brought me back to me and i was through and through happy with everything in my life..but a few month later when i called her to say hi, i suddenly realised.."oh my god, i still love her". I went through a moment contemplating everything i decided i want her back. So i did it, sounding a little desperate as i went through the apologies and regrets about my decisions, things i always had wanted to do for her when we were still together ( this time, i haven't found this forum yet). She said she couldnt and it broke me to pieces.

 

She had found somebody new and i just can't help but feel that hes just doing what i didnt do for her as much as she wanted...being the romantic type. I am the type...but my angst just made me not look towards that direction to maker her happy. She says she has managed to control her emotions better now and this was what i strived for so much when i was with her....and she has me to thank for that it seems.

 

Since then, I've tried moving on, dating other girls and doing things that i love. I found this forum and everything started becoming better. But still, i think of her alllllll the time. Thinking that i let go of the most beautifull person i had i ever known in everyway. Needless to say, it is my greatest regret.

 

She messaged me a few days ago regarding some computer issues and i met her the other day. I restrained myself from mentioning anything about my feelings for her and i think the day went ok. Met her this morning too and still managed to control myself from expressing my emotions. I still do love her and i just want us to fall in love once again, i dont know how long i can keep up this act. I'll need to see her once more this week to solve her computer problem.

 

I just have no idea what i should do. I think she still has feelings for me and her family welcomes me at their place anytime. What should i do?? Should i express my feelings one final time. or should i just hang...and be that person she calls if she ever needs anything?

 

I Love her with all my heart and would do anything for a second chance. She is the only person i can see forever with.

 

Thank you for reading, and any advice is greatly appreciated.

[avman]

Well both of you seem to think that things have changed. She believes her temper is under control. And you believe you've done some self-discovery and perhaps have a better idea of what you want in a relationship.

 

If you two still have feelings for each other, you may as well discuss it. But be prepared if she doesn't feel the same way as you do. You'll never know unless you try. Perhaps it would help you to think of this as an entirely new relationship, rather than going back to the one that you broke away from. Treat her like you are just meeting her for the first time. Discover what is new about her and let her discover the new you too. You can't expect to just pick up where you left off. You need to fall back in love in order to have a healthy relationship.

 

Take it slow. See where it leads.

[Softmoonlight]

I agree with Avman. Why not discuss it, but be prepared that she may not feel the same. Sometimes two people are only supposed to be together for a certain amount of time, period. However, it never hurts to ask, so good luck!

[Ated]

As already mentioned, you should give it a try.

 

You know, I felt really warm knowing that dumpers do feel "regret" about their decisions...

[cassiana]

I wish my ex felt as you did! However I am dating someone else. At the moment I would take my ex back but as time goes on my decision might not be the same. Also I heard my wonderful ex, whom I cared about so deeply, saying those cold, cruel things. I know what hes capable of doing. I know if it suits him to jettison me he will. Why go back to that. Can I ever trust him again. Its been eight months and even though im still gutted the pain is not as acute. Im afraid of feeling that bad again. I must protect myself because he won't protect me. Hes only interested in himself.

If I feel this way,then i'm sure your ex feels some of those things too.

[Wimpy]

Ever heard the expression "faint heart never won fair lady"? Okay so it took a stupid mistake on YOUR part to realise how much you cared....well then show by your actions, not just your words that you have changed and want her back. You might have to wait but let her know you're willing to do whatever it takes. I agree that you dumping her has no doubt made her very very wary so it might take time on your part to prove to her this isn't just a fad until you need your time and space again. What is it with you guys that you don't know what you've got until you lose it? I'm with Cassiana - glad to hear you regret it later. Once bitten, twice shy must be how your ex is feeling.

 

Hope it all works out but make sure, before you do anything, that it really is what you want. Don't mess her about again will you...she deserves better than that.

[cassiana]

I agree with wimpy. To mess someone about once is bad but forgivable sometimes but to do it twice is unforgivable.

[azrey]

Hi guys. Thank you so much for the replies. I just can't help thinking...your right.

 

I am meeting her today and plan to lay down an ultimatum. After a long discussion with family and friends, i have decided that i want to let it all go and start a "TRUE" recovery but after i attempt one last effort to ask her is she wants a second chance in a relationship together and if she can't decide or says no.... im saying goodbye to her and her family.

 

I love her too much to even have these thoughts...but i can't let the past haunt me forever. I know if the decision by her is unfavourable....the next few days will be a emotional nightmare for me.

 

Do check this forum soon guys....i'd like to pour my heart out here if anything.

 

Thank you so much.

[cassiana]

Ultimatums are disasters. Never issue an ulitmatum. When you were in the relationship you broke it off when you felt like it but now after hurting you she must come to a decision at a time when it suits you. Because you don't like feeling uncertain. Yet isn't that what you did to her. I think you are being unsensitive and unfair. Take your medicine like a man. She may care for you but needs to trust you again and ultimatum will definitely send her running. It makes you sound very controlling.

[airborne10]

Azrey, man I can't believe your going through this at the same time as I am. I dated my girlfriend for a little over 2 years. She graduated college last spring and I am now in my senior year of school as well. Everything between us was always great. No we didnt have EVERYTHING in common but we did have alot, and whatever we didnt have in common made our relationship fun and exciting. After our two year anniversary and her graduation, talks of possible marriage and moving in together started...everything seemed perfect...

 

I am however due to be commissioned in the Army in May. I will be gone for at least my first 6 months at different training, schools, and movement to wherever my first unit is. From there I am looking at a almost guarenteed deployment within the first 18 months. Short story is I will not be able to be there physically for my girl the way she wants and needs me to be...and b/c of her career cant (wont) follow me all over the place...

 

We loved eachother more than the world but this uncertainty was tearing our relationship apart. We fought nearly everyday about our future together and I soon realized staying together would tear her to pieces and I couldnt stand watching that happen. So I ended things. For her good and for mine. I told her I never stopped loving her but that I just could not be the man in her life that she wanted or needed...

 

For the first 5 moths I was fine. I had work, school, and Army resposibilities, and friends to keep me busy. I refrained from speaking to her much because I was afraid she would backslide after making so much progress in her job and her own personal growth on her own...she became her own person instead of relying on me all the time...

 

I saw her over christmas and as soon as I walked in her apartment it all came rushing back. Regret, remorse, doubt in my decision, and most of all I realized how much I still loved her and missed her. She told me how she was seeing a guy for the past 2 months...I got sick to my stomach...I decided to tell her how I felt, hoping it would not hurt her (or me)...She told me she still loved me as well and that she understood my decision after struggling over it for 5 months of absolute heartbreak. We both agreed that if things were different we'd still be together, probably getting married. But things arent different...I'm still getting commissioned and will be gone for the next 4 or 5 years and she is still working in NYC. I am now stuck in a rut. My heart says get her back but my brain reminds me how impossible it is to make it work...I can't stand to think of her with another man, yet I want her to be happy. Friends say that what is meant to be will be but I can't stand to sit here and wait for that future...We have been talking on the phone as of late but whenver she doesnt call or we dont talk I don't know what to do with myself...I need to come to some sort of resolution but dont know what it should be...

 

Sorry this is so long...I got no advice for you azrey but hopefully someone out there can relate to our similar problems...If anything i thought it might help to know your not the only one out there man...

[Mix Maxster]

You may shoot me with your words. You may cut me with your eyes. You may kill me with your hatefullness. But still, like air, I'll rise.

 

LIKE OMG this signature is the best i've ever heard in a long while. it really touched my heart

[littlelaxer]

i just have a question...............did u date any other people while u were trying to like discover yourself.............and if u did, did it not work out because u thought of her???? just wonderin

[Mix Maxster]

So, who were you directing that question to btw?

[littlelaxer]

oh sorry to you Mix Maxster or the other person who shared their story about going through the same thing............i was just wondering if dating others helped u to realize thanks

[twelve]

i dated other people, who i really liked , to take my mind of my ex, and a year later, i am still with one, but my mind is on my ex.

so it doesn't always help.

hope that helps