I would like to just "let go" here. The forums here have helped through the worst of times (the first time i realized i was still in love with my ex-about 6 months after the break up). Tried as much NC as i could, but she messaged me again a few days ago. This point is about 12 months since we broke up.
Our relationship was beautifull, we loved each other so much but the reason why we broke up was because i started "losing myself". We were sooo close that finding time for myself to do what i want was an extreme rarity. This and things like her temper made my internal angst towards our relationship grow as time passed....though i still LOVED it when we were in each others' arms and enjoying doing everything together. It was like unpredictable wheather conditions, it was awesome for a awhile a nightmare next. This eventually led to our break-up and it was i who said the terrible words.
It was great as my new found freedom brought me back to me and i was through and through happy with everything in my life..but a few month later when i called her to say hi, i suddenly realised.."oh my god, i still love her". I went through a moment contemplating everything i decided i want her back. So i did it, sounding a little desperate as i went through the apologies and regrets about my decisions, things i always had wanted to do for her when we were still together ( this time, i haven't found this forum yet). She said she couldnt and it broke me to pieces.
She had found somebody new and i just can't help but feel that hes just doing what i didnt do for her as much as she wanted...being the romantic type. I am the type...but my angst just made me not look towards that direction to maker her happy. She says she has managed to control her emotions better now and this was what i strived for so much when i was with her....and she has me to thank for that it seems.
Since then, I've tried moving on, dating other girls and doing things that i love. I found this forum and everything started becoming better. But still, i think of her alllllll the time. Thinking that i let go of the most beautifull person i had i ever known in everyway. Needless to say, it is my greatest regret.
She messaged me a few days ago regarding some computer issues and i met her the other day. I restrained myself from mentioning anything about my feelings for her and i think the day went ok. Met her this morning too and still managed to control myself from expressing my emotions. I still do love her and i just want us to fall in love once again, i dont know how long i can keep up this act. I'll need to see her once more this week to solve her computer problem.
I just have no idea what i should do. I think she still has feelings for me and her family welcomes me at their place anytime. What should i do?? Should i express my feelings one final time. or should i just hang...and be that person she calls if she ever needs anything?
I Love her with all my heart and would do anything for a second chance. She is the only person i can see forever with.
Thank you for reading, and any advice is greatly appreciated.
