Girls, please don't lead a guy on

[69_king]

Ok, I met this girl about 1 month ago and I asked her out the following week. She was happy and enthusiastic when I asked her out. We've been out 4 times since then and everytime I asked her she said yes and there were no problems and we had a good time.

 

Anyway, we had a date set for tonight. I was going to go over to her place and we were going to make dinner together. Like, pick a recipe, go to the store and get the ingredients and then go back to her place and make it together. I was really looking forward to this evening.

 

She was going to call me around 5 when she finished work and then I was going to go over there, well she did call at 5 but only to tell me that she didn't want me to go over to her place because she had another friend and they had just recently become "more than friends". This was just as I had finished getting cleaned up and dressed to go to meet her.

 

Well, right now I'm draining the bottle of wine I had bought for tonight and wondering what to do with the Christmas present I bought her yesterday.

 

What really hurts is that she is the first girl I have dated in 4 years and I thought she is kind of shy so this just shocked me.

 

Well, at least I know that it's her loss, not mine!! I don't like to boast but I'm a nice, intelligent, charming guy. I have a degree in mathematics and I'm a 9.6 on hotornot (ok, its a flattering photo, but still )

 

There's plenty other girls out there, but that doesn't stop the hurting right now. What I'm saying is don't lead a guy like this, if there is someone else then tell me!! please!!

[Caldus]

Ouch that sucks. Well you do have to realize something. You were just dating her. You two were not in a relationship yet. That means that she was still allowed to date other guys. She was probably dating someone else while she was dating you and it sounds like she has chosen someone now. So I'm not really sure if she meant to lead you on. I guess in a way she did if she was being really enthusiastic while being with you. But still, I don't think her intention was to lead you on. She might've just made up her mind about the other guy not too long ago (like maybe a few days ago or something, who knows).

 

But that sucks though. Sounds like you had a great date planned together. Sounds like you know what to do now though. Don't get too depressed over it. And I would've taken that wine if you didn't want it. j/k

[OceanEyes]

OUCH. That's pretty harsh, but to be honest and judging by the way she just told you openly that she was having a male friend over (sorry, "more than a friend"), it causes me to think that she might have considered you as just "a friend" the whole time. Women sometimes misenterpret a man's intentions, without realizing it. She probably didn't mean to hurt you.

 

I hope that you don't take this too badly, as you're right, there are plenty of girls out there! I know you're probably pretty disappointed about tonight and was looking forward to spending time with her, but it probably would have disappointed you in the long run anyhow (especially if she always just saw you as a friend).

[ticklebug]

69,

 

in the four dates that you had...did you ever discuss the topic of "I date exclusively...do you?" If not, she wasn't leading you on, she was exploring her options....just like any other healthy adult who is "dating".

 

It would be different if you had the conversation and she specifcally said she only dates one person at a time...but it sounds as if she had several "friends"..and it is her right to choose the one she is most compatible with.

 

I think you may have possibly assumed to much..and that can happen after only being out a few times...

[Rainy]

You must feel gutted, but there is plenty of other ladies out there, in which are not all like that, you will find happiness!!,

[vortex]

69_king, I can relate to your story. It was valentine's day about 4 yrs ago and I invited this girl for lunch. I was gonna cook her something nice. I had only met her a few weeks back, it was supposed to be friendly, but she pushed it a notch further, flirting and stuff. Anyway, she didn't turn up, said she was sick. Went over to her place and found her with someone else!

 

God, I don't know why some girls like to lead people on. Maybe they find it exciting or something. They wanna let their options open perhaps - which is disrespectful in a way. In this age of free love, who knows what to expect. The rules change constantly.

 

Get over her. She's not worth it. It hurts, but there's a reason to everything. That Valentine's Day 4 yrs ago, I went back home shatterd. Funny enough that's the night I met my partner online. We moved together shortly after and have been together ever since. So, don't be dishearted.

 

Ciao

[Ceema-k]

69,

 

ouch man... well, I would have done the same thing. hit that bottle of wine hard and log onto eNotAlone.

 

on a more serious note... it's a real shame she canceled and ditched you like that so short notice. That part of your story is probalby what bugs me the most. At least she didn't lead you on longer than 1 month.

 

Those first couple months of dating.. everything is fair game. Which is good & bad. The girl I'm dating now has mentioned that I'm the only person she has any interest in, but if i wanted to start dating other people, she wouldn't be jealous. The thing is, I'm not and don't intend to start dating anyone else! The early stage of dating is tenuous at best.. which is probably why people stress the importance of having fun and not thinking too far ahead about things until the time is right.

 

So, I feel for you 69_king. I hope this experience motivates you to get back into the dating game more actively.

[69_king]

And I would've taken that wine if you didn't want it. j/k

 

You must have misunderstood me! I'm draining it down my throat

 

thanks, I think what really hurt was the timing, I was having a bad day at work and the only way I got through it was thinking about tonight. Now I have to go to work again tomorrow feeling bad already.

 

If I was dating someone else at the same time I'd be perfectly fine, but I'm not. I guess I don't really mind that she had another guy, its just the way that it happened, like at christmas and everything.

 

Its just bad luck (which is the only kind I have )

 

I know it was probably hard for her to tell me that.

Although, shes having fun right now with some other guy and I'm twiddling my wang in front of the computer. ](*,) (whoops, sorry )

 

Oh well, no big problem, it just feels good to get this off my chest.

[69_king]

ouch man... well, I would have done the same thing. hit that bottle of wine hard and log onto eNotAlone.

 

LOL

 

thanks for giving me a laugh!

 

(raising my wineglass) Here's a toast to eNotAlone.com =D>

[RayKay]

I think the very short notice and way she handled it was definitely not right but as others pointed out, early on in dating unless you have had a talk about your expectations (for both sides) then it is fair game. And four dates is pretty early on, she may have not intended to lead you on as you said, but was dating others as well and well, took one of them to the next level.

 

I just think she could of handled it very differently than she did.

 

This is why I think one should mention their idea of "dating". Some people seem to think one date means exclusivity, others just like to date casually and date several people.

[rvr350]

Sorry for what happened to you man... You really have brought up the pitfall of dating these days. But as another poster recently pointed out, do not let these kind of thing bother you. There're many more attractive fishes in the ocean for you, and you just have to keep it in perspective.

 

I consider dating like going to work, you just have to show up everyday with a good attitude, and thought lots of time your boss may give you a hard time, you just have to keep working, and hoping one day you can sit in that corner office.

 

Good luck!

[PavPPZ1]

thats not hte right approach, if the boss gives you a hard time you tell him to go screw himself, if they dont appreciate your work then they are not worth your time, people need to understand selfworth, the boss is just like you, and he seems to think he can give you a hard time... anyway.. good luck

[Scout]

My take is that it was really rude of her to cancel the plans you two had together the way she did - at the very last minute, and to hang out with someone else. She may not have been obligated to be your girlfriend after four dates, but she certainly owed you more common courtesy than she showed you.

 

In short, what she did was really jerky. I'm sorry that happened to you. If it's any consolation, most of us have been stood up or rejected in some way - more than once. It comes with dating, but there are lots of good ones out there too. The point is to get back in the game, with your head held high, and your optimism intact!

 

The hell with her, ok? She was rude, period. Please don't call her again.

[PavPPZ1]

as I said the first time, but in a more Lude manner, just drop her like a bad habbit, dont even bother calling her back. Unless she really really wants something then give to her and shover her face first into the mud, like she did to you..

[PavPPZ1]

so thats kind of rude, but... Let me explain this, I have had a similar situation to this;

 

I met this girl, we hit it off got it on... couple of days later, I took her out, she asked me to help her out run some errands with her, then I figured we would hang out later that night. She stood me up, later that night I saw her at the bar with her ex boyfriend, I didnt say anything to her. But I lost control because of alcohol, and I started a fight with like 10 guys, got my arse handed to me, lost my cell phone, watch, drove my 2003 accord into a pole, and was in pain for a week.

 

She actually called me after that, instead of hanging up on her, I saw her we didnt do much talking, I laid the pipe "chocolate only" and then she had a chocolate candybar for desert, did that a couple of times and then didnt return any of her calls...

 

She was calling me for like a month... so I take it personally when I see a guy get stood up like that.

[Scout]

instead of hanging up on her, I saw her we didnt do much talking, I laid the pipe "chocolate only" and then she had a chocolate candybar for desert, did that a couple of times and then didnt return any of her calls...

 

I'm sorry, but I have no idea what that means. Is "laid the pipe, chocolate only, she had a chocolate candybar for dessert" a metaphor for something?

[PavPPZ1]

You have never taken anyone down the hershey chocolate highway?

[69_king]

it took me couple of minutes but I think I've figured out your chocolate thing.

um yeah, well, thats not really my style.

 

well, anyway, there is no way I am calling her back and if she calls me back I will just be cold. I know it was only 4 dates but if someone doesn't like me enough after 4 dates then thats a good sign to bring it to an end. So I'm not bothered at all really!

[single4good]

wow I have had a very similar situation to that exept for the fact I knew the girl for a longer period of time. I know it hurts...your story brings back all the bad memories. I wouldnt waiste any more time on her at all she isnt worth it. You will just have to move along and try to meet new girls...not every girl is a jerk like that.