help me with bully boss please.

[TalkThatTalk9]

I'm looking for tips on how to be as professional as I can about quitting without notice due to my boss's bullying behaviour... sorry so long, if you read it I appreciate it.

 

I have been working in a store department as assistant manager for 6 months now. I have been "training' this whole time. Up until january, I got along great with my boss. We got in a bit of an argument on christmas eve, we were both under alot of pressure due to the holiday catering, and things have never been the same since. She resorted to completely ignoring me on shifts and if others were working she would laugh and engage with them while i was an outcast. other people are scared of her so they would just ignore me too so she wouldn't get mad at them.

 

anytime I Said anything she would roll her eyes or snap a sarcastic comment at me. make jokes about how ditzy and blonde I am and how I need to take a valium whenever I would even show a sign of confusion or anything over something. she would say this in front of customers, other staff, etc. whisper about me in corners you get the idea.

 

a little after january, she surprised me with a meeting between her, myself and our district boss. she said all these lies about me snapping on her all the time, not taking critisism well, and not being ready to be in charge when she goes on vacation in march.

 

I said I was sorry, I will try my best to do what I have to do to make her vacation work and that I really wanted assistant. the district manager said good. then let's make this work because we have no one else in mind we have a lot invested in you. and off I went biting my tongue because I needed hours and money.

 

after that meeting, my boss went to ignoring me whenever she saw me but joking with the rest of the staff. she started scheduling me night shifts, which would mean I am not training (day shift is training shifts)

 

I finally left her a very professional and nice note asking if I had done something to upset her, please let me know, because I had a feeling she was upset with me. I Asked that if she had someone else in mind for the position that I was ok with that because it is her right as manager, but to please let me know. I Also pointed out I was working night shifts and I couldn't train on night shifts. I expected her to approach me about the letter (I would never usually leave a letter, but this woman treats me very unkindly and gets very angry at me when I even ask for help on a code at work so I Was scared to confront her face to face) SHE NEVER even once addressed the letter with me. acted like I never even left it. at that point I said screw it and just came into work, did what I had to do, and punched out went home. I was done worrying what was up. I thought it was very unprofessional, and I Wasn't going to even deal with it anymore not for 8.25 an hour.

 

out of nowhere, a week before her vacation she texts me "hey I need to talk to you when you come in" when I came into work, she said "well you are going to be in charge when I am on vacation. It was going to be you and "B" but she is showing me how unreliable she is lately and I am not dealing with that crap on my vacation so you are completely in charge (I had to send "B" home for being hungover puking, she has called in at least 6 times the past 6 months, she cusses in front of customers, etc). I Will start training you on everything next week just let me know what you need to still be briefed on" I thought of a few things billing.... what loads/orders come in and go out, and another thing that was easily explainable to me. She promised me she was going to teach me billing and the loads and orders information before she left.

 

next weeks schedule comes out, I Am scheduled ONE day with her the day before her vacation starts. how am I supposed to train? I pointed this out and she said "oh I will teach it all to you before I leave don't worry"

 

the day before her vacation comes.... "oh I am going to have you and "B" in charge. "B" will be doing the load and order days. and I have janet

(another crew member) doing billing." this was all rushed to me five minutes before she left. she left a folder of "directions" and just showed it to me, didn't go over anything with me. "B" was suppose to know what to do on her days, she said. and then she left. I was so mad.

 

I am supposed to be assistant manager and she left the important tasks and days to "B" the unreliable crew member....

 

I work that monday, go home. that tuesday "B" works...she is supposed to put in an order for all our weeks supplies a BIG deal... she didn't do it. I come in Wed. see she didn't do it, when it is too late to put our order in, and my boss calls me and yells at me for it. I scramble to fix it and get it put in by some miracle I got it done by another store, and the next morning, our biggest day of the week for sales, I wake up to "B" texting me a half hour before shift she QUITS and is not coming in she is turning her phone off. so I go into work and do what I gotta do to get things done and cover for her again. the next day my boss comes in and she treats me like total crap, rolls her eyes at me when I say hi, and corners me to yell at me for telling the wrong manager that "B" quit. and she says "and "B" didn't even quit. I talked to her and she didn't quit. so there you go." (guess "B" is coming back!) I peeked at my bosses facebook she is writing about all the "BS going on at work." So I know my boss probably blames ME for everything that went wrong this week when "B" is the one who messed it all up I tried my best to fix things (and 98% time I did fix it all) and she didn't even thank me or anything she instead attacked me the second she walked in the door.

 

I ended up having a panic attack at work after she left. not just a "oh I am freaking out" type dealio a full blown, actual panic attack. I broke out in hives and I almost passed out, my throat felt like it was closing, I was dizzy and felt faint it started the second I saw my boss.

 

So today, I am writing a resignation letter and going in and quitting with no notice. I can not be submitted to this crap bullying anymore. I saved her butt this week did what I had to do to cover things and she comes in treats me like crap. I hate not giving notice but I just can not work anotehr day with her. and now "B" is my enemy too and she is just as vicious as my boss.

 

meanwhile, my district manager has no idea what is going on and I have been told if she did she would not be cool with it. she is hard to get a hold of.... I don't have an email I have a phone number, she travels on the road between stores alot.

 

I feel like she has won. I feel defeated. I need this job more than oxygen but my health is not worth it. and I will be hitting the streets today, and every day, putting in apps til I find something else. she thinks I will just allow this because she knows how much I need a job.... I am for once in my life going to stick up for myself to a bully. so thank you for listening if you have, I just needed to get this all out. I have lost endless hours of sleep over this all.

 

I know I sound whiny with the "but it wasn't me it was her" stuff. that is why I Want tips on how to write the most professional letter possible without coming accross as whiny. I will be giving a copy of this letter to the store manager, my boss, and eventually a copy to the district manager.

 

**I stuck around so long, because 1. I thought I could make things better on my own 2. this job was super convenient for me just by my house 3. I Was going to save up and quit end of may anyways and move and 4. I liked my job and I didn't want to give up this learning opportunity.

[blueidealist24]

Wow, you really have nothing to gain by staying there. It sounds like she'll just blame you for everything no matter what. I don't have any tips as for how you can write a letter, but if you have that text from "B" on your phone saying that she quit while the manager was gone, you can at least prove that you weren't lying or mistaken about that.

[amipushy]

Don't write that letter.

 

Walk away with your head high but slam no doors because it may come back and bite you on the backside when you need a reference from them for your next job. Just look up curteous resignation letters online and do that.

[TalkThatTalk9]

thanks guys I really appreciate it its nice to hear from outsiders of the situation how crazy it all is.

[journeynow]

I understand it has been a very frustrating situation, and sounds like you've resigned.

 

Just some thoughts about what you could have done differently:

 

" next weeks schedule comes out, I Am scheduled ONE day with her the day before her vacation starts. how am I supposed to train? I pointed this out and she said "oh I will teach it all to you before I leave don't worry"

I would have offered to come in when she IS there to get that training, perhaps come in early so that your schedules overlap. Find what time she expects she'll be doing those tasks. Take the bull by the horns, but in a way that respects her role.

 

" I am supposed to be assistant manager and she left the important tasks and days to "B" the unreliable crew member....

 

I work that monday, go home. that tuesday "B" works...she is supposed to put in an order for all our weeks supplies a BIG deal... she didn't do it. I come in Wed. see she didn't do it,"

 

As assistant manager, why didn't you work on Tuesday? If I was put in charge, I'd expect to have to be there. And if I wasn't scheduled I'd at least check in, act like a manager.

 

I know you weren't getting paid much, but sometimes if you want to get ahead you have to TAKE responsibility when it is needed. Some folks take the approach "It's not my job, they don't pay me for that", with the idea that they have to get paid for something to justify putting in the extra effort. However, another approach is to see the need, acknowledge with higher ups that you'll help them with this need of theirs, and see how it can improve your situation, either now or down the road. (Increased hours, title change, rate change, better schedule...)

[blueidealist24]

Sorry, I disagree. If it was vital that she was there as assistant manager, she should have been scheduled.. the manager should have been smart enough to know that, and the OP even pointed out she didn't have enough training time. Volunteering to come in early or check in might have been nice if the employer was a congenial one, but this above scenario would involve the OP doing at least a few hours of work with no pay. When you're an hourly employee (especially who is not being paid much) you should be paid for every minute you're in there, save maybe 15 minutes after or before your shift. That's how employers are taking advantage of employees in this bad economy, trying to sneak in extra work for no pay, and some employees will do it because they want to "get ahead." However, in my experience, you don't get ahead, they just get as much out of you as they can in your current position and sometimes end up trying to dump more and more unpaid work on your head.

[Lonewing]

Basically, the store manager was making absolutely no effort whatsoever to include her as part of the active staff and further doing everything in her power to discredit her and disenfranchise her. It's quite possible she was a threat to HER BOSS, hence, her boss blackballed her as soon as she realized this up-and-comer could overtake her as store manager. She realized this over the Xmas break.

 

I had a similar situation at work, but I'm in a job where I can't quit. I can, however, use my chain, and I did, and we cleared a hornets nest that was a long time past being cleared.

 

If there's an HR, I would have gone and seen them instead of quitting. Your supervisor failed to carry out the duties encumbered on her to train you as the assistant manager. She provided you with inadequate training hours and then usurped your responsibilities by dvying them up amongst YOUR subordinates. Chances are, she'll be fired soon herself, especially if she is already short another 1/2 of a person