To Hell With Love And To Hell With Soulmates!

[Spartan1]

Fretless wrote:

What a coincidence! That's exactly what I did yesterday. I did it about eight times.

 

 

Excellent.

[sti_2004]

sup Kyoshiro man

 

first of all whats crazy glue??

 

second of all how can u expect someone to want to be with a guy with low self confidence, so horribly disgustingly ugly, negative as all hell, beats himself up and so on.

 

put urself out there in the world so people can see and hear u, go buy a fresh new closet full of clothes that u dont normally think u can wear (maybe get ideas from all those guys u r always downing urself against)

start working out as a hobbie its fun (ask women to spot u), change ur fro.

smilings prob the best thing u could possibly do.

 

ur gonna have to start building ur confidence from scratch, then hit ur looks and ur ride ....keep urself moving

 

act like ur austin powers

 

i believe in soulmates still even though i got dumped by her.... (so dont expect every women that looks and talks to u to be ur soulmate either).

 

i was also thinking that alot of people say that they r ugly and cant

score but r these guys being shallow and only wanting hot chicks?? or do u not mind if shes overweight and not so pretty??? because u cant tell me that theres no chicks out there with the same mentallity as u.

 

people will notice a change and will want to catch up with ur cool self.

some of us have to work alot harder than others and the rewards are greater believe it or not. god helps those who help themselves and you'll only get what u put in.

 

i dont have great self confidence im really just listening to my own advice and others but its hard to just wake up and jump outa bed saying yay im king of the world im beautiful and im gonna talk to everyone and hit on all these chicks blah blah blah so i know exactly what ur pondering and ive done research and think social anxiety has a huge role in it.

there are alot meds u can get for the disorder which i havent tried only coz im doing alot better from advice and research along with practise in the real world. ur not on t.v and there not judging u, u r though.

 

i know ur sick of it buddy but keep ur head up i truly know someone as cool as u will come out on top.

[Caldus]

act like ur austin powers

 

You know, another good thing is humor. Girls love it when you got some humor. And this guy above me knows. Austin Power knows quite well too.

 

Yeeeeeah bab-ay yeeeeeah! *does that stupid Austin Powers grin*

 

i dont have great self confidence im really just listening to my own advice and others but its hard to just wake up and jump outa bed saying yay im king of the world im beautiful and im gonna talk to everyone and hit on all these chicks blah blah blah so i know exactly what ur pondering and ive done research and think social anxiety has a huge role in it.

there are alot meds u can get for the disorder which i havent tried only coz im doing alot better from advice and research along with practise in the real world. ur not on t.v and there not judging u, u r though.

 

It's fake confidence to me to say "I am the king of the world." Instead of saying that, tell yourself how great of a person you are. When you get up, only focus on your positive qualities. And don't say you don't have some good traits about yourself because everyone does. If you have to, write down five positive things about yourself as soon as you get up. That will start your day on the right foot. People will begin to notice that you don't get up on the wrong side of the bed everyday.

[lonelynshy]

I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm about a decade younger than you so you probably feel even worse than I do but I know how it feels that time is running out, and every other guy is running a race and you're at the end.

 

Speaking for myself here, I never understand those who say that eventually we will find love (which may not be true) and that love will be even better because it came late. I think that's BS. Here's my analogy, I'm running a race, getting left behind; I end up breaking my legs and spraining my ankles in exertion and I get a heart attack that shortens my life span as well. And at the end of the race, crawling and broken, I cross the finish and I get a trophy. A few years later, I'm dead. WHAT'S THE POINT then? That's exactly what the race for romance feels like, except that it's emotional anguish instead of physical. (eventually I'm sure it causes heart disease from all that stress though, but that's another story).

Here's a related analogy, I get a trophy that's been soiled because it was owned by various other people before me. I'm not trying to denigrate anyone here, but just why would I feel good about finding 'the woman' later in life when she has had far more experience than me, and I will never catch up?

 

Although I am younger than Kyoshiro, I desperately need to catch up with my peers as there aren't very many men or women at my age who have never been kissed, never been in a serious relationship (internet romance doesn't count).

 

Thank you for letting me rant.

[ShySoul]

lonelynshy,

 

The point is that you finished the race. You struggled against overwhelming odds, endured all the pain and anguish, and felt like giving up. But you didn't give up. You pushed on, shrugged off the pain and kept fighting until the end. Someone who endures all that will enjoy the trophy more because he had to earn it. Someone who gets everthing easily doesn't appreciate it as much because the didn't have to struggle and earn it. There are people who enter marathons who know they'll never finish at the front of the pack, but are happy just knowing they tried and finished at all. It's not who finshes first, its who finishes best. And I sincerely believe that those who wait for love and endure the struggles and heartache, will appreciate the love they find even more. That love will be worth all the hurt, all the tears, all the lonliness.

 

Hey, I'm almost 22 and have never come close to a relationship, real or internet. No kiss, no date, nothing. It's hard and frustrating but you have to keep hope that things will happen when the time is right. And I know that when I do find someone, I won't take things for granted and the relationship will be special and magical.

[ShySoul]

One more thing, don't look at the trophy as being soiled and your getting whats leftover. Look at it as you are the one who is going to care for the trophy and return it to the prestige and splendor that it once was and should have remained. Look at it as you are the one who is going to show it the respect and care it deserves. It doesn't matter if the women has more experience. For one thing, those experiences may not have been good experiences. Also, all of that is in the past, it doesn't matter. What really matters is the new experiences you create together.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

It's funny, I used to get "natural highs" when I felt that somewhere out there my soulmate is waiting for me. For example, I would watch TV and these emotions would rush my body and I would get really positive feeling, but after I turned 26, I don't get happy anymore because I feel that it's over. I'm not getting any younger. BAH!

[Caldus]

It's funny, I used to get "natural highs" when I felt that somewhere out there my soulmate is waiting for me. For example, I would watch TV and these emotions would rush my body and I would get really positive feeling, but after I turned 26, I don't get happy anymore because I feel that it's over. I'm not getting any younger. BAH!

 

They are waiting for you to stop watching TV and get out more! If you're staying inside too often then that could be a big factor. You don't have to become wild and outgoing and go out every night but you need to find some things to do outside of the house besides work. I'm not sure if you go out much or not but if you don't then you should at least get out of the house a few times a week.

 

True, you're not getting younger. But your situation will not get any better unless you're trying to do something about it. Have you done anything about it so far?

[Bobby]

Kyoshiro Ogari ....

 

I salute You

I feel like that right now,i feel lonely.oh so lonely,recently there was ths girl and she broke my heart....To hell with love,i find much more happiness being alone

[Ceema-k]

Really great points, ShySoul. I'm taking a leap here, but I'm guessing you and lonelynshy, despite your struggles with finding and/or keeping relationships, you would still never trade your own experiences for anything else, right? I think everyone should take a sense of pride from their own life struggles, from their failures as well as their victories.

 

I can completely relate to you wanting to make up for "lost time", as I am a total late bloomer and am still trying to figure things out that i'm sure the average 18-year old has long resolved.

 

When you get right down to it, however, the past does not matter. I'll repeat: THE PAST DOESN'T MATTER. My best friend's former roommate is a classic example. As my friend put it, this guy used to be a "retard around women". It wasn't until he met his girlfriend at age 21 & dated for several years that he really came into his own. Now, he is extremely comfortable around women, dates actively and is generally doing quite alright for himself. All it took was meeting the right the girl.

 

Back when I had my first relationship at 23, my gf was light years ahead of me in regards to sexual & dating experience. Very early on, I laid it out to her straight. I didn't make out like I was ashamed of myself or anything. It was simply, "this is who I am & what I've done so far. take it as you will". Well, turns out she took it very well & it wasn't an issue for her at all.

 

Currently I'm dating someone else who is also more experienced than me. We know each other's history and it doesn't bother us. Do I still feel a bit insecure about my lack of experience? Of course, I do. But I don't let it incapacitate me. And the thing is, my girl is a bit insecure & almost ashamed at some of the things she's done in past relationships & her flings, so it's not like people who have a lot of dating experience have nothing to think about. Everyone's got some kind of baggage... just different kinds depending on your history.

[ShySoul]

You're right Ceema-k, I wouldn't trade in my experiences for anything else. I believe that everthing that I've gone through, even all the pain and loneliness, has made me a better person. It's made me who I am today, someone I'm proud to be. All this time waiting has helped me realize that I don't want to just give myself to any old person, I want everything to be perfect. I want someone who truly understands me. I know how love should be and will appreciate and savor every moment of my relationship. I know that I will treat her right and not take the love for granted. In the end, I'm going to have been better off for waiting and I think anybody whose in the same position should look at things like that. Just because you haven't found someone doesn't mean you've failed. It just means that the game isn't over and you have yet to win.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

 

They are waiting for you to stop watching TV and get out more! If you're staying inside too often then that could be a big factor. You don't have to become wild and outgoing and go out every night but you need to find some things to do outside of the house besides work. I'm not sure if you go out much or not but if you don't then you should at least get out of the house a few times a week.

 

True, you're not getting younger. But your situation will not get any better unless you're trying to do something about it. Have you done anything about it so far?

Well, I have Social Anxiety. If I go to a club or party, I get extremely nervous and start shaking in some instances, to the point where I have to leave the vicinity. I also react this way around women I like. I am getting better, like before I couldn't eat in public or go to the bathroom in public, but I've conquered those two for the most part. But it's hard for me to meet people because I am extremely shy and anxious around pretty women. I can't relax and I can't stop thinking that they find me as an ogre or something.

 

I am mad with the whole soulmate issue because my friends have women falling in their lap. And some of them aren't what you call "people persons" but they are attractive, so women fall for them. Me, I'm probably the friendliest person you'll ever meet. But am I attractive? Nope. Another friend of mine is shy, never went out to parties just like me, but he found his girl... or his girl found him. Difference is, he's good looking. That's why I say to hell with soulmates. I'm tired of waiting for that moment. [-o

[Caldus]

I'm funny yes, but that will get me nowhere.

 

Yes it will. Many women love funny guys. Kyoshiro, I will be honest with you. You seem like a great guy based on the posts I've read from you. The only problems I see are that you keep telling yourself that you can't get anyone because of the way you look and that you assume every girl finds you unattractive.

 

As for the first problem, that is not true. I know, it's cliche. But please, take advantage of your sense of humor and show it to anyone you talk to. You don't have to try and do this with those pretty girls you speak of that you are so shy to. Start with ordinary people that you could talk to and work from there. You think you are very unattractive and that causes you to look unattractive to other people. Not because they find you physically unattractive but they sense that you don't have much confidence in yourself.

 

As for the second problem, not every person will find you attractive. But that does not mean every person will find you unattractive either. Some people are attracted to people who simply carry themselves well or have a good sense of humor! It doesn't take the look of a gorgeous hunk to attract a woman. All I'm saying is take advantage of how great of a person you are and let people see that. You will be amazed with the results.

 

As for the social anxiety, I used to have very bad social anxiety. I have improved tremendously since last year. Medication definitely aided me in the process but medication alone didn't help. It also took some courage on my part to just talk more in general in front of anyone.

[PrincessLinzay]

I don't really buy into the whole "soulmate" theory. I refuse to think of myself as a half of a person walking around looking for the other half.

 

Besides which, I thought "the one" was all of my serious exes. Lol. That is, of course, until we broke up. Love is when you find someone who enriches your life, not becomes your life.

 

You know that saying "If you want to find love, stop looking?" I actually believe that. Every relationship Ive gotten into has been when I was anti-relationship. It just kind of creeps up on you.

 

I can understand how you feel, believe me, I've been there. But what's important is to live your life, and find your own happiness. The key is to be happy with yourself and not have to depend on anyone else to make you happy. That's an extremely attractive quality in itself.

 

Good Luck!

[volution]

I know exactly how you feel K.O....

 

I used to think "Why did girls only like jerks?" and "Why don't the nice guys get the girls?" and all kinds of things.

I've been depressed for over 10 years because of my innate shyness and lack of confidence.

I've only had one relationship ever, with a woman in America, that lasted a couple of months, at the end of last year. And I almost ended up killing myself because it ended.

I put LOVE first, beyond anything else in life - I have always been like that, and I know I will be like that for the rest of my life.

I have been learning, that love isn't a game - it isn't some sort of race, like all these self-help books, articles, motivators and many many people seem to be saying.

Something that I've always hated, but people have been trying to drill through my thick skull time and time again, is - "Love comes from within". I still don't like that phrase. We don't 'find' love - we can share it, we can attract it, we can give it, we can receive it. But we don't 'find' it, we don't 'lose' it, we don't 'give it all away'.

We must find love within ourselves first - be happy in our own skin, before we can explore love with someone else.

 

Many people believe in 'soulmates' - and people have different ideas on what they are - a lot believe in a Hollywood-type romantice liasion, where the person is your 'other half' - that you are incomplete without them, and once you are together everything will be magical, easy, and you will be together forever. But things aren't like that, though I believe in soulmates and twin flames wholeheartedly (and I'm a guy

To me, a soulmate is someone that you share a similar soul with - someone with similar beliefs, values, dreams and hopes. Someone you might have been with in a previous lifetime. A twin flame is like 'your other half' - almost identical to you, but the important thing to note here, is that you are a complete and individual soul without them. This is called a divine dichotomy - you are a complete soul, yet your twin flame is your other half. Look at the Yin-Yang symbol. That's a beautiful timeless example of twin flames.

Not everyone meets a soulmate in each lifetime, and very few meet a twin flame. It can be extremely frustrating, because it's like you have to prove to the universe that you can be totally content, happy and loved ON YOUR OWN, before you are allowed to experience the love and intimacy of a soulmate or twin flame!

 

I agree with you too, on going to bars, pubs, clubs etc. - I *hate* going there.

One thing above all - I'm quite an attractive guy, yet I lack the confidence to talk to women. It's not about (physical) attractiveness - it's about inner attractiveness. Apparently confidence, 'being yourself' and being naturally nice (ie. honest, gentle, mild-mannered) are devastatingly attractive to women!

I'm naturally shy, and have been trying to work on my confidence, but it's hard for me, and it's taking a lot of courage and soul-searching to face my fears and worries.

Talking to women - it's even worse in the UK, as you almost always *have* to play some stupid game to get most women talk to you as they are so closed off and hung up here!!! It's why I'm planning to move to the US within the next few years!

I want a long-term relationship (or marriage) more than anything else, but I'm accepting and letting go, realising that it will take time.

 

Believe me, I've experienced the lowest low, the darkest darkness and the most soul-destroying pain and agony from loneliness. Yet I've survived. Many times, I've wanted to give up. Many times. But I know, I have faith, and have hope and trust that I will be able to share love again with someone - and I will! Faith, hope, love and trust - those are the 4 most important things to remember in life. Believe - and you will create! Believe you won't share love, then you won't!

Believe you WILL and you WILL. It may take time, but always remember, all the love you need is inside YOU. Once you realise that, you're ready to share it with someone else!

[1strdko]

Love yourself and someone will love you. You don't know when you will find your partner but when you do you will be truly happy. Good luck and dont look to hard your person will find you.

[Double J]

Kyo,

 

I think it's okay not to believe in the whole soulmate thing, I mean, I believe that there isn't just ONE person we can connect with so intensely too. But I don't think you should bash it out of bitterness. You should remain hopeful that you could meet several different potentials, so long as you put yourself in a position to meet girls. I think we all get opportunities in life - but it's up to us to take advantage.

 

Like basically every guy on this forum, I wish that girls would do more approaching, but the fact of the matter is that they usually don't. It's the man's job as part of the courting process. You have to be willing to assume that responsibility. Don't give up man. Dating and finding love is just like finding a job or doing good in school - once you give up, you're bound to fail, but continually trying puts you closer to the end you want to meet.

[fantasia2004]

some people find someone that can actually tolerate the other person behaviors a nd idiosyncracies. That is a true love of a soulmate.

[LoneLioness]

I'm 22 and never been in a relationship before except for cyber ones. Its partly my fault though, I'm very picky. Not with looks that much (thought I'll admit to being a little shallow) but I mainly want someone who will want to spend nearly all of their time with me, I'm talking 90% plus. I need to be number one in their life to be happy, I can't be with someone whos going to be seeing their friends every other night or needs alot of alone time. People tell me well you will never find someone like that, but you know what, the person whos right for me would. I would prefer someone that hasn't had much experence with the opposite sex as well, I don't really wanna date a non virgin. I kind of believe in soulmates, but I don't think I'll ever find mine, he's just too rare. Guys consider me clingy, well whys that bad? I'd love to have a guy not be able to get enough of me.

[blueangel]

I remember always desperatly wanting there to be one special person for me, a soulmate. Thru my short little life of fourteen years, I still believe in soulmates.

 

But not just one.

 

I believe all the right people come into your life at all the right times. A best friend may not necessarily be someone you've known for years but rather someone who quietly slips in and out of your life in a short period of time... all the while, changing you forever. These in fact may be some of the best of friends.

 

Last year and this year, I have slid through many people's lives and many loves. (well not many but more like four) With each of these people I had grown feelings for, we developed a strong bond. I truly felt love for all of them... but unique love towards all of them. None weaker than the other. None better. But all the while strong.

 

In this I learned that all of them filled my needs in their own ways but none of them had the complete package I was looking for (deep thinker, silly humor, romantic, and dreamer) Each had their own separate qualities. If put together, they'd be the perfect and complete package for me. They'd be complete.

 

But would I?

 

There's a reason why no one person fills all of our needs and it is this: if it was so, where would God fit in? Why would we need God? Why would we want God?

 

Humans are mere vessels for his love and all of his love for you cannot fit through one person. His love is through many persons, through many living things, and thru all of LIFE.

 

Yes, life. God is life and life is God. The two words are interchangable. There is nothing that God is not. We are all a part of him. We are all one.

 

But this doesnt mean we can experience all of God thru just one way.

 

This has taught me the meaning of "to love is to let go." To stop trying to hold onto a person. To stop demanding of a person. To stop needing a person, needing anything. To stop searching.

 

The burden is liften. I know this simple truth. I am One with him once more.

[Caldus]

Um let's not bring God into this. Especially since a lot of us don't believe in God or question his existence in the first place.

[MetallicAguy]

Look, KO, your not going to get anywhere crying and whining.

 

If you really want a girl that bad, then you will do whatever it takes to get it. Get out of the slump of self-pity and worthlessness and the really negative attitude towards yourself. Have you read what you've said about yourself, you knock yourself down and degrade yourself just because you haven't had a gf. Relax, get ahold of yourself.

 

If you want a girl, and she's giving you the signs you have to say "KO, stop telling yourself your not going to get her because your 32 and haven't had a date. If you really want the girl, you will over-achieve and do whatever it takes to get the girl(s). If a girl makes you feel like running in grassy plains filled with rainbows and unicorns, then you will get your punk *** over there and start something." Lol, look man. I kind of used to be the same way. Except not as depressed to that extent. All it is, is believing that you can get the girl. Why the hell do you NOT have confidence if women showing signs of interest? Doesn't your self-esteem boost from that and you feel happy from it? If not, stop doubting yourself. You constantly punch yourself in the face mentally with what the **** your telling yourself.

 

You have to stop crying, and feeling like ****, and rise to your feet, and decide you have to do something about the pile of **** that's on (been) your mind right now.

 

Now when you go out in public and another one of these girls notices you, touches there hair, or smiles, something like that you'll know you'll get the vibe, walk over to where she's sitting (if she's sitting) and be like "Hey what's up beautiful?" smile and wink. Now that may SOUND kind of cheesy, but personally it works for me and I think it works. See that's the thing, you HAVE to BELIEVE things will work for them to work---confidence.

 

Now, you have your advice, go do something positive with it.

[blueangel]

Um let's not bring God into this. Especially since a lot of us don't believe in God or question his existence in the first place.

 

I'm allowed to say what I want to say and this apply to the topic. You got a better explanation? I'm all for it. Sharing beliefs is fine as long as you dont put down someone else's. If you dont like what I'm saying, ignore it.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

I swear, if I see that stupid eHarmony commercial one more time...!

[Caldus]

Um let's not bring God into this. Especially since a lot of us don't believe in God or question his existence in the first place.

 

I'm allowed to say what I want to say and this apply to the topic. You got a better explanation? I'm all for it. Sharing beliefs is fine as long as you dont put down someone else's. If you dont like what I'm saying, ignore it.

 

Better explanation for what?