Sadgirl782 Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Hello all, I'm a 31 yr old woman who was just dumped with the good ol "it's not you it's me' line. I'm certain this is the most difficult breakup I have ever gone through, one because I was and am still so in love with this man. For the first time I believed this guy was the one. He is also the first boyfriend I have ever lived with. A little history on us: We met 5 years ago, the timing was never right, either he was seeing someone else or I was so we were just friends. Then around 2 years ago when we reconnected we were both single and starting dating. I fell hard, head over heals in love with him and he did as well. 6 months into our new relationship we decided to move in together. For the next year + everything was perfect..We talked about the future, getting married, having kids, travel, where we would eventually buy a house... Then he got a new job at a high end restaurant around 3 months ago. He started acting progressively more distant, started nit picking every little thing I did, like if I didn't put the milk cap back on tight enough it was a big deal. We started fighting more and I became more and more insecure asking him questions like is there 'someone' else. He said he simply wasn't happy and super stressed in his new job and would apologize for 'taking' it out on me. But later in one particularly bad fight he admitted to being attracted to 2 women he works with but assured me nothing was going on. He's a good man with integrity and I believe in my heart he would never cheat on me. There were spurts of time when he seemed like his old very sweet, considerate attentive self again but then he would revert back to the moody and distant guy I didn't know.. a couple weeks ago he came home and said he needed to stay with his best friend for a bit. He needed 'space' to work on some issues with himself, that he was unhappy with his job and himself in general.. I said ok, and we agreed on a one month period of 'space', only meeting up 2-3 times a week for dinner or coffee. Last weds he called me said he wanted to move out indefinitely, that he was not in the right mental place be in a serious relationship but would like to pursue an open relationship with me and date, like we did in the beginning... I was crushed... I begged and pleaded like an idiot suggesting giving us more space and time before making the decision to break up to no avail.. He was cold hearted and so callous while I was balling my eyes out. I refused to go in reverse in our relationship knowing it would only torture me more in the long run. All of his things are gone now.. we met at 'our' house one last time to say goodbye yesterday and I was surprised when he broke down and started crying.. it was the first time i've ever seen him cry..I can hear an echo in my house with every footstep because mostly everything was his..the bed the couch. So many empty places in the house but the worse is the emptiness is in my heart. I feel like I'm walking around with a huge rock of grief in the pit of my stomach and the pain hits me in waves randomly and often. I can't stop crying and then I go numb, then back to crying then numb again.. I just can't believe this is happening...we were so happy and this seemed so sudden. I truly thought I was going to grow old with him. His sudden withdrawal just doesn't make sense to me... I think he met someone else that he wanted to date even though he wouldn't admit it.. It's like taking a dagger to heart thinking about it. I just want this pain to stop.. Sorry this was so long, but writing this all out has helped me a little... Any suggestions on what truly might be the reason he ended it? And how I can get past this crippling pain.. Link to comment
jenbrooks Posted March 10, 2014 Share Posted March 10, 2014 Hey girl, I am 31 and was forced to dump my ex two months ago. He started out with the space thing, and then he asked me to move out, and then we continued the space thing some more, and then finally I couldn't take it anymore, the distance, he was not emotionally available, I barely saw him, he was hot and cold. Finally I pulled the trigger because it was too painful. After that he didn't fight to get me back. Two weeks after breakup, he created a profile on one of the dating websites. Sounds like a similar pattern to many stories. Perfect-> space -> breakup->reconcile->breakup-> NC->healed not saying you may enter into this long pattern, but this is what I generally see on this forums, including my story. Link to comment
Sadgirl782 Posted March 12, 2014 Author Share Posted March 12, 2014 I'm so angry!! I finally worked up the courage to go back to 'our' place after he got ALL of his things out. No one has been there for a few days and the first thing I noticed was it smelled like urine... After a more carefull inspection I realized his two dogs peed in just about every room, every rug, even on a couple of my chairs. He didn't bother cleaning it up, obviously. He stayed there for 2 weeks with his dogs while I stayed somehwere else and must have just left them in there for hours while he was doing who knows what. Another thing..the cheap bastard took all of the paper towels, all the dish soap and hand soap from every bathroom, all of the toilet paper. Who does that?! He didn't pay for any of that!! Just a month ago HE suggested we get rid of my couch and my bed and move his in (his were nicer). I just don't understand why he would do that and suddenly end everything right after?? I asked him to leave me half a months rent in our 'money jar'. I thought that was fair since he stayed there on his own for 2 weeks and knows I have to get a new bed and couch. Of course, nothing. I think he was wanting 'somthing else' for a while but because he's a selfish he stayed out of fear of being alone and he has met someone else. Should I ask him to at least pay for a cleaning service?? ughhhh!! Link to comment
sharky988 Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 Yeah, let him pay for cleaning up his dogs' mess. And yeah, it sounds like he wanted to be free so he could pursue other women. What a prince. Link to comment
Kaytie Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm going through the pain right now too. It's so hard to not torture yourself with 'what ifs' especially since you thought the person was 'the one.' Talk about adding insult to injury! He should be paying to clean up the mess he left. That's beyond disrespectful. Link to comment
bella86 Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 He should be paying you simply for the fact that he left you all of a sudden with double the bills to pay (i'm assuming) since you shared the place. It sounds to me after reading all this, like he didn't know what he wanted in the first place. I find some (or most) men aren't ready to grow up and play house like we would like them to be. You deserve to be with someone who knows what he wants and isn't willing to put your heart at risk while he figures it all out, that I can assure you. Link to comment
silversoul Posted March 12, 2014 Share Posted March 12, 2014 I'm sorry this has happened to you. I'm pretty sure he has met someone else. You will be in pain for some time, but you will get over this. Ultimately, respect and love yourself. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you. Please don't repeat my mistakes and don't ask him for any explanations, and don't cry in front of him. Certainly don't get into an open relationship with him. Link to comment
Sadgirl782 Posted March 15, 2014 Author Share Posted March 15, 2014 Oh hell..this is hell. I was out at my favorite vietnamese restaurant with a girlfriend last night and in walks my ex with the 19yr old hostess he works with for some 'to go'. We used to get 'to go' from there all the time.. Then this morning he messages me with an apology for the 'run in' and 'wishes me the best in finding happiness and someone new as well'. It's going to take me a lot longer than 2 weeks to be with someone new after 2 years... This hurts so much.... I was doing so much better and now I feel like I'm literally in hell... Link to comment
Sadgirl782 Posted March 15, 2014 Author Share Posted March 15, 2014 Going to say a prayer for his new love interest. Hopefully she doesn't end up with nothing but a dog pee infested house. Link to comment
Sadgirl782 Posted March 15, 2014 Author Share Posted March 15, 2014 Seriously, could I have unknowingly done something that pissed him off so badly that he's treated me with such utter disregard and disrespect?? I know relationships end but this is by far the cruelest anyone has ever treated me through out a break up. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 6 months into our new relationship we decided to move in together. For the next year + everything was perfect..We talked about the future, getting married, having kids, travel, where we would eventually buy a house... Then he got a new job at a high end restaurant around 3 months ago. His sudden withdrawal just doesn't make sense to me... I think he met someone else that he wanted to date even though he wouldn't admit it.. It's like taking a dagger to heart thinking about it. I just want this pain to stop.. Sorry for what you are going through. I agree it sounds like he met someone else. I also think for the future, you should not move in with someone without at the very least an engagement with a wedding date. You moved in during he honeymoon before he had really made a lifelong commitment to you. That creates a lot mroe problems (living together) in case the relationship implodes. Link to comment
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