Awkward break up

[FountainFish]

So my ex broke up with me about a month ago. At first all she said via a text message was that she was unhappy and listed some other reasons such as me not being romantic or mature enough for her. She also said she wanted to experience new things and meet new people. We were together for 5 years with very few problems and we both loved each other and had made long term plans together but either way that is what happened.

 

 

So fast forward to today. We are now friends but I'm still in that hurting phase where I miss her and regret what happened, but I've also accepted her choice. I've started talking to another girl who seems to be interested in me but then out of nowhere I find out my ex left me for a guy she played FFXIV online with. She claims that the week after she left me she went to visit him in Texas (we lived in Georgia). Now... As far as our relationship goes I know it's over and done with. Chances are we'll only ever be friends but I'm just wondering if I should still be hurt by this...

 

I like this new girl I'm talking to a lot but I'm also constantly thinking about the fact that I was dumped for a guy who lives hundreds of miles away. Where is the romance she wants? He is older than I am so I get that he may be more mature but this is someone she had never met and she just boarded a plane to meet this guy. I feel like something is ass backwards here. I kind of just need some advice. Either way I'm pursuing the new girl I like but still feel a lot of pain by my ex...

 

As a final note to add... This was my first and only real relationship that I've ever had which is probably why I'm taking it harder than I probably should.

[Twidom]

I suppose it's the "Grass is Greener" thing? I don't think this new relationship of hers will last very long... Also, it seems you had a lack of communication there. She was not willing to tell you things were going south and that's the only thing that matter.

[FountainFish]

Well I figured as much with her not wanting to tell me until she was ready to break up. As I said I understand the reasons behind leaving me and she was right, but leaving for a total stranger just seems a bit odd.. especially one met through a video game. I mainly just want to know if anyone can give some advice of getting over it and moving on. I am a lot happier since I started talking to the new girl but I'm tired of the ex situation eating at the back of my head so to speak.

[Twidom]

"She was right" no she wasn't.

 

How to move on? Give it time. Do things you love. Grieve. Surround yourself with family and friends. And give it time. Only time can help you here. It will "eat the back of your head" for sometime no matter what you do. You just have to endure it.

[alice1966]

Get rid of anything that reminds you of her and keep pursuing this new girl if it makes you feel better. First break-ups are hard, and all you can really do is try to keep yourself occupied enough to not think about your ex. It sounds cliched to say 'find a hobby', but having your mind on something else really does help.

And understand that this isn't about something you've done wrong, it's that she obviously wanted something else. The fact that she's flying out to meet strangers implies she doesn't actually know what it is she wants. The reasons she gave you for dumping you were just excuses, it's easier to finish with someone because of something, than because of nothing in particular. Excuses make the break-up your fault. Breaking up for no reason makes it hers.

[Ms Darcy]

It really doesn't sound like you are over the ex enough to be dating right now.

[luminousone]

I agree with Ms Darcy that you should take some time off dating to heal. Otherwise it is not fair to those you are dating because you wouldn't be able to focus or have a healthy relationship.

 

You want to know how to get over her and here are some pointers:

 

Do not continue to be friends with her. It is like re-opening a wound every time you have contact with her. You will heal faster and move on in your life easier if you go "No Contact".

 

Take some time to reflect on who she really was in your relationship- she cheated on you. It was an emotional affair. She was talking to some guy online when she should have been talking with you about her reservations and feelings.

 

She also was cowardly enough to dump you by text. So wrong, so cowardly, so disrespectful to you.

 

She is blaming you for all that went wrong in your relationship but the real truth is that she cheated and she wanted out so she could move forward to her new fling. So she blames you so she can justify leaving.

 

I just want to point out these things because who you are missing is not the true person that she is- you are missing someone that lied to you and treated you like dirt in the end- not very lovable qualities.

 

Take this time to work on healing your heart and to reflect on things you can change in your next relationship- and not necessarily the things that she pinned on you.

 

More open communication? Being more aware of what is going on in your relationship? Showing your love and appreciation for your partner? Having a full and rich life in which your happiness is not dependent on being with a girlfriend but having a gf is like icing on a cake.

 

You are going to hurt for a while- it stings, especially when you feel so betrayed. But in time your heart will heal.

 

Just remember that when a relationship fails then it means that you were not the right people for each other. It hurts when there was the perception that it was the right relationship - but you have to face up to the fact that it was not going to last.

 

Once you come to that place of acceptance and healing then you can begin to move forward in your life to meet someone new.