dbryan1978 Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 Tired of waiting. I've waited patiently for years to find that special someone. I'm at that point where I'll settle for the first woman that shows interest in me for the sake of not being alone anymore. I'm 35 years old and have waited so long for it to happen to me. I have friends that found their soulmates and have been happy for years while I sit back and wish that it would happen to me. I'm at that point where I can't stand to hang out with couples anymore. I've been a third wheel for far too long. When I think I've found someone, they leave me as soon I develop strong feelings for them. Did I do something in my past to not deserve love? Did I already meet my soulmate and ignored her? Am I one of those select few that is meant to be alone forever? Link to comment
oneheart Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 You need to relax, you give off a clingy needy vibe girls will run fast, if the pattern has developed that they leave when you begin having strong feelings, maybe there's a connection to that, maybe you come on too strong. Again, relax, take a deep breath and enjoy life Link to comment
dbryan1978 Posted February 21, 2014 Author Share Posted February 21, 2014 How am I supposed to relax? All my friends are happily married, my best friend from high school has a son that's about to start high school. Like I said before, I have a hard time seeing couples, everywhere I go, I see them holding hands, kissing, hugging, having playful arguments on whether to get original or double-stuffed Oreos at the grocery store. I'm seriously hurting deep inside. I'm involuntarily celibate, I have been rejected so damn much, I'm afraid to even approach women now. It's hard to be happy when the only thing I want, is the one thing I can't seem to get. And no, it's not being clingy, I just fall in love way to fast. And when it happens, I'm told I "deserve so much better". I'm sick of it. Link to comment
oneheart Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 I want you to think about this and keep it in your mind If you never water your grass your neighbors lawn will always be greener Link to comment
MisUnderstood9 Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 Definitely think you need to relax a bit. Girls can sense when a dude is desperate and is going to be overly clingy and it all sounds like that's probably how you are coming off towards these women that you have dated. Maybe instead of fixating on trying to "find the one" STOP. Relax, take a vacation and focus on YOU. The right person pops up in the weirdest of places when you arent out searching for it, so maybe stop looking and you'll find her. Personally I dont think you are ready to be in anything serious, you need to be happy and content with yourself before you can be happy and content with someone else. Link to comment
dbryan1978 Posted February 21, 2014 Author Share Posted February 21, 2014 I am so sick of hearing the be happy with yourself thing. I am happy with myself. I like my life. I'm just missing the one thing I desire more than anything else. Link to comment
oneheart Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 Being happy with your life means being happy single. If you enter a relationship because you want a relationship, you will become obsessive, you will over look things about that person that are red flags. You need to value the person you are, be of the mind set that if you are going to be with some one, they are lucky to have you. You will end up settling for less, have a turbulent relationship and wish you didn't bother. Please, listen to what we are saying, we have nothing to gain here except helping you. I've dated many women, trust me just because you find some one doesn't mean you'll be happy, even when you find some one special it takes work, courage, it's not all smiles and sun shine, you need to be ableaccept some one for their faults, recognize your own and work things out or it will fail. Link to comment
Amy Brock Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 I think it's quite natural at that age to feel that way. Women talk about this all the time and we are called "emotional". Men voice it and they are called "needy". What it all boils down to is that no one was meant to walk alone on this earth. We are all seeking that final connection. I understand your pain. It's the one thing in my life that I have unresolved as well. I keep hearing that you have to love yourself and be ok with being single. The reality is that we can only love ourselves so much and not having someone to reciprocate is so difficult. I hate being single. I'll never be comfortable just being alone. It's just not how we are supposed to be on this earth. I'm not desperate. I'm just not connecting with anyone on that level. Granted, I'm still grieving the loss of a relationship myself, but I've been asked out and just don't feel anything for these guys. I would love to have someone to talk to on that level again. You're perfectly normal being unhappy while you're alone. I get tired of people taking a psychological stance on something as precious as emotions. We are who we are and we know what we want and need. Link to comment
Leftright Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 ....in all seriousness.. just be thankful you're not in a bad relationship....or worse, paying someone alimony and child support while you slip silently into poverty and despair. ....still think fleeting feelings of loneliness are worse? trust me, they're not. Flying solo is awesome, if you know how to keep your mind off relationships. I hope you can come to terms with it and get on enjoying your life. Forget those lovey-dovey couples... They have their own world, and you have yours... I've learned recently that life is too short to worry about whether or not you are meant to be in a relationship or not... What a waste of time it is to sit there and mope about it, when you could be moving on and making the best of life with what you DO have. -LR Link to comment
Amy Brock Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 Sometimes that feeling of loneliness isn't a fleeting one. Sometimes that feeling runs deeper than others can grasp. Link to comment
BBBx3 Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 Obviously the people who don't understand why a 35yr old is desparate don't understand. I'm one year younger and in the same boat except I'm female. This situation is very serious and almost tradgic. Link to comment
Amy Brock Posted February 21, 2014 Share Posted February 21, 2014 I'm in complete understanding. I have this nightmare in my mind that I already had my shot and now it will never happen again. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 Sometimes people remain single. Not often but it happens. You are so focused on finding love you are probably really turning off people with neediness and insecurity. I hope that you can give yourself a break and find happiness in other ways. Link to comment
dbryan1978 Posted February 22, 2014 Author Share Posted February 22, 2014 What happens if I remain single? I don't think I could handle that. I crave companionship. I can't even get friends to hang out anymore. They would rather spend time with their wives/husbands. Do to get me wrong, I respect that, but when I can't even get one person to join me on my birthday of all days, it hurts so bad. When I feel like eating out on the weekends, I sit there and notice all the pity glances I get from couples. It's now at point where I just order it to go. There's movies that I want to see but I hate going to the movies alone so I just wait for DVD. Also, I'm very picky, given what has happened to me in the past, I have very high standards. Link to comment
Amy Brock Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 So what are these incredibly high standards of yours? Are they realistic? You do realize no one is perfect, right? Just sayin. Link to comment
happpybear Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 I am so sick of hearing the be happy with yourself thing. I am happy with myself. I like my life. I'm just missing the one thing I desire more than anything else. You are not happy with yourself, otherwise you would not be this upset with yourself for still being single. I am nea your age and I'm single, and hell, I'm happy as a clam. A relationship would be nice, icing on the cake, but I know that possibly that might not be, I MAY be single for the est of my life, or not. But, I like myself, I have great friends and family, good job, etc. What happens if I remain single? I don't think I could handle that. I crave companionship. Better start loving yourself and accepting that life doesn't owe anything. My aunt never married, despite wanting to marry and have kids. She just has not met the right man (but she could meet the right man tomorrow, or next week or three years from now). She is in her 60's now and has done quite well for herself otherwise, great career, awesome friends, great house and car, and great attitude toward life. You have to make due with what you have and make a life with it, and find some happiness in there because otherwise, it's gonna be a long and miserable life. I think you might be imagining the "pitying looks" when you eat out because you are hyper aware and also obviously not ok with being single. As another poster wrote, you have to like yourself, so you are single--but that doesn't define you, that's one aspect of your life that CAN CHANGE. I think you are need to also re-evalute your standards. The older you get, the moe you need to relax certain things (obvious dealbreakers aside). Like for example, I am around your age, and when it comes to dating, I need to be open to men that have been previously married or who have kids. 5 Years ago, I wouldn't have even considered them. But now, that has to change. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 What happens if I remain single? I don't think I could handle that. I crave companionship. ... Also, I'm very picky, given what has happened to me in the past, I have very high standards. You don't crave compansionship that much if you are very picky. And if you are so picky, you will probably continue to be alone. You've survived thus far. It won't kill you to continue. Link to comment
dbryan1978 Posted February 22, 2014 Author Share Posted February 22, 2014 I do know that no one is perfect. But what I look for is perfect in my eyes and mind. I recently dated an amazing woman, a woman who in my eyes, was the most amazing woman in the world. For some reason, I have this mindset that I need to find someone more amazing than her. It ended because she couldn't give me what I wanted due to her past relationships. She says she cannot trust men at all. Link to comment
dbryan1978 Posted February 22, 2014 Author Share Posted February 22, 2014 And is it possible for a person to be almost completely happy with the exception of not having anyone to laugh with, talk to, cry with, hug, kiss, goof around with, cook dinner for, surprise at work with flowers? The little things that make having someone in your life so awesome. A single person sees all that in the media and wants it more and more each day. Link to comment
Amy Brock Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 What are you doing to meet people? I wouldn't suggest bars/clubs if you want a woman and not just a girl. Link to comment
dbryan1978 Posted February 22, 2014 Author Share Posted February 22, 2014 I do everything. Online dating, coffee shops, I chat up a woman in line at the grocery store. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 And is it possible for a person to be almost completely happy with the exception of not having anyone to laugh with, talk to, cry with, hug, kiss, goof around with, cook dinner for, surprise at work with flowers? The little things that make having someone in your life so awesome. A single person sees all that in the media and wants it more and more each day. Yup, lots of people are happy without husbands/wives ... but they do have close relationships in different ways. Link to comment
dbryan1978 Posted February 23, 2014 Author Share Posted February 23, 2014 Yup, lots of people are happy without husbands/wives ... but they do have close relationships in different ways. Do you know anyone that is? Because I don't. Here's the thing I don't get, how is it that I can do every thing right and always get the short end of the stick. I'm polite, I'm nice to everyone I meet, I would do anything to help a friend. These past holidays I even volunteered to work them all so that others could spend the day with their loved ones. I do all those things hoping that karma will give me a break. But it never comes, hell, I recently decided to take up a new hobby hoping to take my mind off of being single, 20 minutes into it, I break my ankle. How can someone try to be a good person and always get shafted. Link to comment
Amy Brock Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 Hi there... I'm trying to find the most nice/constructive way to say this, so please bear with me... I've been reading what you've written and as the old adage says so many times "good guys finish last". Good people are often overlooked. It's a strange world that way, but now I'm gonna give this to you straight up... Good people often don't even know how good they are. Some do. Most don't. Good people don't do things to get anything back in return. They don't do things to get noticed. They just do them because it's their giving nature to do so. I do believe that karma works, so the good things you are doing and being the good person you are will get you more one day. I'm a firm believer in humility also. It's good to acknowledge yourself as a good person, but you shouldn't have to explain why you are. People will know that just by knowing the real you. So many times people do wonderful things for the wrong reasons. Then they feel a sense that the world owes them something for doing them. I'm not saying you do that, but you try very hard to point out how good of a person you are. I'm not trying to sound condescending or insulting at all. I'm just stating that as a truly good person, don't just expect good things to come to you for the sake that you're good. Go find what you want and let your goodness attract the kind of people you'll want in your life. Does any of this make sense? Lol. I'm sure you're a wonderful guy and there are women out there that will appreciate that. Just do good for the right reasons. No expectations. You said you're quite selective so maybe go down that list again and see what you may be able to compromise on. You could be missing an entire group of ladies based on that alone. It's give and take. You'll do fine. You'll be justly rewarded on your intent. Hugs to you. Link to comment
Amy Brock Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 Learning how to edit. Sorry. Lol Link to comment
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