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It's been 4 years and my ex still continues to message me


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It's been 4 years and my ex still continues to message me from time to time. I'm really not understanding why, and at this point I just genuinely want to know what's wrong. I'm with my second boyfriend since him and there is absolutely no chance I'll ever meet up with him. I don't ever want to because he was one of those guys who cheated on me over and over again, therefore I have zero respect for him. He was the guy who emotionally tortured me and set up my psychology to doom my relationship after him.

 

The only things I can think of that connect all of this is that while we were dating for 2 years, I remember he HAD to be friends with all of his ex's. It like bothered him a lot if he wasn't. And it got me on edge all the time because he would go out and meet with all these ex's, I couldn't keep up. It's not like I was unreasonable, one of his best friends was his ex gf, and I was completely fine with their relationship. But being friends like with 10 or more of your ex's!? Really? Something has to be wrong.

 

And this is what happened in the relationship, and what he was like. He was always finding girls over the internet and flirting with them. He attempted to meet them, I found naked pictures on his phone, he even had a second Facebook called "Bob Smith" that I once walked in on him quickly closing the window. All of this just to talk to these girls. Every time I walked past him on the computer he would quickly close MSN. He was just a complete liar, manipulator, and cheater. Aside from that I believe he really did love me, he treated me very well (as in taking me out on dates, being a gentleman, offering things, caring to make me orgasm in bed, driving me places, ect, ect). Also he is really good at warming up to people, can talk his way through things, a good charmer, bubbly and goofy personality, just very hard to not like him. And then when ever I called him out on his lies, he would repeatedly deny them until I showed him proof. He really made me psycho when it came to pulling up the truth, that even I wanted to deny. I would be balling my eyes out and he would sit there and stare at me directly in the eyes and apologize. Sometimes he would even cry with me. Aside from all of that, he was kind of obsessive. He never stopped me from doing things, but he always had this fear that I was cheating on him, when I was actually really faithful to him. He also called me every day and we would talk on the phone for like 2 hours a day. This comforted me on my part, because I could relax knowing he was cheating on me. But a lot of the time I would think to myself, omg just shut up! He just kept going and going, and clinging and clinging. And I put up with his clinging very well because it meant he wasn't cheating in that moment.

 

I'm just wondering if this kind of behaviour relates to some kind of mental illness. His mom is manic depressive and bi polar and so is his twin brother. He lived with them and another brother, and his parents were divorced. His dad lived with his wife and her son. Also his mom died last year from liver cancer I think it was, the kind that is silent, and he just walk in on his mom dead on the floor. The only person he wanted to talk to was me. One of his best friends who I got a long with well, texted me to tell me that he needed me. So I called him and we talked for like 2 hours. I found it really strange because I felt like he used his dead mother as a passage to get through and talk to me. He invited me to the funeral but I didn't go.

 

So he is still messaging me. He will send me random FB messages here and there asking to grab coffee. Or sometimes he will make stuff up and say he thought he saw me somewhere, or that his friend told him he saw me somewhere. And he will try to pick places that I will most likely be located at, but I was never there. I tried asking him if there is something he needs to get off his chest with me, or something he is still dwelling on, or just anything he isn't telling me. That is the only time he will ignore me. At the point I just sincerely want to know what is wrong with him.

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Why is he still on your FB? Why haven't you blocked him. Why haven't you changed your number?

 

He is doing this because you are continuing to allow him access to you. It was sad about his mother but you are right, he just used that as an excuse to pull you back into his life. Cut all ties and go NC with him. If you had done this 4 years ago, this whole post would be a moot point. Good luck.

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Why is he still on your FB? Why haven't you blocked him. Why haven't you changed your number?

 

He is doing this because you are continuing to allow him access to you. It was sad about his mother but you are right, he just used that as an excuse to pull you back into his life. Cut all ties and go NC with him. If you had done this 4 years ago, this whole post would be a moot point. Good luck.

 

Well I actually did do NC with him for over a year straight. We tried to be friends directly after we broke up, but I found out he hid his new relationship with a girl he was trying to screw the entire time we were together. He pretty much f*cked and chucked her. And I did block him, I ignored all of his texts and calls for over a year of harassment. Then for a year after that it died down. He stopped and I unblocked him but I never messaged him. I was feeling less bitter about him cheating on me. Now he just messages me like once every 4 months, and I respond to be nice. But I tell him all the time we can gladly update each other over FB, but there is no chance I'm ever meeting with you again. And he keeps persisting to ask. I'll block him again.. but I just want to know what is wrong with him! I'm over everything that happened.. I actually just kind of feel bad for him. And I feel like there is something he isn't tell me that he needs to get off his chest, and I don't want to close off that opportunity for him. I wouldn't wish for darkness on anybody.

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He likes a harem! Always wants to be the 'good guy'. My ex bf was still best friends with ex wife. One day he had a party. (i lived with him) Not only was his ex wife there...but TWO of his ex gf's!!! Yikes! I wasn't a happy camper! The only reason i knew the one was his ex, was cuz i just had found pics of her recently! And then i saw her walking past the window...

 

In his defense, he hadn't invited her. One of his buddy's did. They all use to hang out together. My ex and i still txt after 3 years. I asked him the other day is he has talked to Michelle...the girl he cheated with me on.....of course.

 

He's charismatic and charming...and the girls flock to him. Like his own little personal harem...lol

 

edit: btw...it sounds as if you are a very good listener! Compassionate, and he probably hasn't had that with other women. It sounds as if you are special to him...HE JUST ISN'T SPECIAL TO YOU! So you have got to put an end to it, and not be such a good 'friend' always ready to lend an ear! JMO

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