Excuses . . .

[McPhil]

There are quite a few excuses I'm consistently feeding myself as to why I can't ask someone out or actively go out, and I'd like some help with making these null and void.

One of the initial things hindering me from asking someone out is the fact I can't drive anywhere myself, as I don't live in Florida, but New York, where we have the highest driving age in the country. And so being, driving isn't possible at my current age (14), and my parents refuse to allow me to get a permit at 16. And on the same subject, I have no friends that are old enough to drive, so there's no possiblity of that. I have an older sister who's 16, but she's not allowed to get a permit either. Any alternate suggestions for transportation?

A few other excuses are my low self-confidence, being shy, and I have a rather low status, as the social classes go. So being, the girl I like is somewhat higher in the social class system.

Another problem is that if I managed to pull myself together and ask someone out, I would be like the desperate, submissive, doormat people that is so ridiculed on these forums.

I appreciate any help.

 

- Phil

[Inconceivable]

I'm fourteen as well, but when my boyfriend and I go out our parents usually drive us. So that may be an option for you. it's a little embarressing, but it's better than nothing.

 

As for low self-confidence, I used to suffer from the same thing. I was so depressed because I thought that barely anyone liked me. So one day I stood in front of the mirror and said to myself "It doesn't matter how many people like me. The people that do like me are true friends, and not everyone gets those. Besides, if those other people don't like me, it's their loss. I am a funny, intelligent, and beautiful person. I am awesome." I did that a few times a day and my confidence zoomed up. And people noticed too. When my confidence went up, my shyness started to go down. Am I still shy? Yes, but not as much as I was.

 

As for the social classes, my advice would be that she's not worth chasing after if she can only see you for your social status, and not for your personality.

 

You have to be willing to take risks for love. Almost everything you do you risk embarressment, but that's one of the best parts. The exhiliration, nervousness, and anticipation.

 

 

I really hope this helps! And good luck with this girl!

[amanda22]

new york??? dont you have like subways and cabs and trains and airplanes and buses and all types of transportation? the whole staus thing doesnt matter when you are confident. my biggest advice is to work on your confidence!!! just be yourself and love who you are, trust me, people can sense it and it works wonders. (story: my ex mentioned he thought some girl was hot but out of his league, and i told him he doesnt realize that he can get any girl he wants because he is very charming. of course you dont feel charming and act charming when you are insecure. but i think being charming is just being yourself and letting that radiate.) working on your confidence would also help your dating life once its there. take it easy. everyone is insecure at your age whether they look it or not. hell, people are insecure at any age. just take it easy, you have so much time for this.

[Inconceivable]

new york??? dont you have like subways and cabs and trains and airplanes and buses and all types of transportation?

 

I think he means the state of New York, not New York City

[amanda22]

oh ia miss read it, i just so easily assumed. yeah ask your parents. they can drop you off at a movie or their house. its not that bad. they are the same age, they will understand. if you find someone close enough you can ride ur bike

[Mr.Lowselfconfidence]

its ok Phil...we still love you...sorry...just had to get that out...anyway..just stop trying Phil...go fer someone that you yourself think you can get instead of someone that is out of reach...i'm sure keith and R.J. have some good advice too...c ya

[PavPPZ1]

Phil,

 

At your age, you may consider making friends rather then looking for relationships or dating. A possible way you can do this is to join clubs, or organizations at your school. When you find organizations which you have interests in, join up, and try to have fun in a respectable way. Always treat people nicely, dress well, keep clean, brush your hair, and teeth. When you can accomplish these things as well as treat people around you with respect, you will find others will gravitate to you. This will boost your confidence because when you treat others nicely they will treat you the same way. In return you will feel better about yourself you will make friends.

 

If there are girls who you like just say hi to them, and maybe try to talk about something they find interesting, like about their pets, or their favorite subjects in school. You will find that if you are successful at talking about something that they are interested in you wont have to worry about yourself, they will do all the talking at this point you just have to listen and smile at the right times.

 

When you have made friends with them, you will have no problems asking them to go see a movie with you or maybe going to a sporting event after school. Just remember dont think of it in a way that they have to like you, try to make friends and when you do you will find that they truley do like you.

 

Most of all, try to be the best at being yourself, and when you can work off of your own strong points is when you will be the closest at reaching your maximum potential in meeting girls, or getting the right job, or anything that you set your mind to.

 

Lastly, since you are still a young man, I will just say, when I was your age I went through a time where I was very conscious of myself. So you are not alone, dont worry if you are. Another suggestion is get into reading it always helps when you are a good communicator, girls and people in general really like it when you are easilly understood and the best way to become good at that is to read more.

[amanda22]

listen to pavppz1, he knows what he is talking about

[McPhil]

Thanks for the advice peoples. Yeah, I live in New York, but I live in the suburbs, and 20min bike ride (all I got, which sucks) to stores (civilization). As for my parents driving me, that's something I just couldn't do. Personally, I'm not close enough to my parents to confront them about something like this, and if they were driving, they'd try to make conversation which I'd find very awkward. As for the whole riding bike to date thing, I'd like to be able to pick up my date, rather than the whole meeting up deal.

Always treat people nicely, dress well, keep clean, brush your hair, and teeth. When you can accomplish these things as well as treat people around you with respect, you will find others will gravitate to you. This will boost your confidence because when you treat others nicely they will treat you the same way. In return you will feel better about yourself you will make friends.

As for that I do keep clean, etc. and I've generally been nice to everyone (minus siblings ) but it doesn't seem to get me anywhere, yet I still am nice. Hrmph.

 

Thanks again

 

- Phil

[SomeGuy112]

If there is just 1 cool parent between you two (and I'm sure there is) then just have them drive you it isn't a big deal. My first date I couldn't drive (still can't too lazy to get my lisense but hopefully soon) and I was terrified my mother would embarrass me. She hit it off great with who I was going out with though and it was a fun car ride followed by a nice date and on the way back with her dad it was also really cool. I could tell he said one or a few things that likely embarrassed her (such as keep your eyes on the road cuz she had her temps) but I can tell you I didn't mind and I wasn't laughing at her or anything so it's not like it's a bigf deal.

 

Confidence is just something you have to get other. I had the same problem and if you want some personal experiences feel free to PM me but I just found out that things never turned out as bad as I thought they would and there is no reason to be shy (though I'm not totally cured).

 

And as far as a doormat, that is a matter of how you look at it. If there is something you truly don't want to do then you shouldn't be letting her force you. Convince maybe but not force. I don't think this will be such a big deal as you think it might be. First of all two ppl who like each other will not want to hurt each other so she will hopefully not be doing a lot you don't like. If she does you just have to let her know, part of a relationship is beaing comfortable with who you are with. If she continues you just have to stop it. I really don't have any advice as to how but hey it's human nature, when you are annoyed you will do something about it. And if you can't then it is likely not a healthy relationship anyway and you should move on.

 

Good luck man.