anjana1 Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 I am 21 and I have no intention of settling down any time soon. That being said, in March I met a guy who is in his late 20's, is established, and is looking to settle down. I wasn't looking for a long term relationship but I did develop feelings for him. On our second date I was allowing myself to become comfortable and really like the guy and he seemed interested in me but then he started talking about a future with me and all of these future plans he had for us. I started to feel a little uneasy so I told him that when I graduate in December I plan to move to another state. He still seemed interested in me throughout the date and even the next day when we hung out again. All of a sudden he stops talking to me and it hurt me because I let myself care for him. For the past few months he has tried to reappear in my life by messaging me on FB and I have been short with my responses because my pride was hurt. Anyway, December and graduation came around and I began to Pack up for California. He messaged me a week before I moved to tell me " You looked so good in all the pictures you've posted lately. I hope you're doing well." So, I decided to ask him why he stopped talking to me and why he keeps messaging me. He told me that I told him there was no future with us, so when he started to catch feelings for me he just stopped talking to me so he wouldn't get hurt. He also said " I still think about you a lot that's why i message you here and there. I would of told you this sooner but I was afraid of getting rejected." Then he asks to go out for dinner before I move and before I respond I decide to look at his profile. Not only was he in a relationship but he also asked his gf to marry him two days before talking to me and he was meeting her family and traveling with her for the first time while he was messaging me. Anyway I didn't meet up with him bc I was insulted and I would never be the other girl. I feel like I should tell the girl about it but I don't know her and I don't know if I would cause more trouble than I would good. I also don't know if my motivation is more bc i'm insulted that he would talk to me while talking to someone than actual pure concern for her well being and I wouldn't want to make a happy time in their life tainted simply bc my pride was hurt but I would also hate for her to find out the hard way later on. I just don't want to act selfishly or with a clouded judgement. what would you do? Link to comment
stuka80 Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 I would just let it go. You're leaving to Cali anyway so after a while this will all be just a distant memory. Link to comment
Clio Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Your motivation is probably a bit of both, which is only human. Just be thankful that you dodged a bullet and move on with your life. At this point (luckily for you) there is not much to tell her and she probably wouldn't be able to believe you. Link to comment
CeeLambrini Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 I think you're right with this case being a fine line so therefore it is your decision, I would also be insulted enough to consider telling his wife-to-be of his true nature, it's not a very good start to a marriage is it? Saying that, letting him know first that he is pestering you and that you're not interested in hearing from him is probably a better way of sending the first warning shot. If you get any more inappropriate messages after that then you can think about the next action. You never know, she might have a little snoop through his messages one day and find out for herself, at least then you are in the clear and it is all on him Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted January 21, 2014 Share Posted January 21, 2014 Wow, what a player right? It's up to you, but if it was me I'd want to know I was with a loser like that who was trying to get other girls on the side. Up to you, but I'd appreciate an email with attached texts showing that he was pursuing you with the line, "Sorry, I had no idea he was anything, but single. Just thought you should know." Then block and delete him and her both, so they can't reach you. Let him deal with the mess. Link to comment
anjana1 Posted January 23, 2014 Author Share Posted January 23, 2014 So I took your advice and I told him that I didn't think his girlfriend would appreciate us meeting up and then he turned it on me and asked "why not? Do you have feelings for me still? If not, it shouldn't be a problem". So I responded with " Lol I don't, I hung out with you twice... You said you think about me a lot so I figure that's not someone I would want my boyfriend hanging out with." He had nothing to say to that, so I blocked him and moved on with my life. I guess at the end of the day my ego was hurt and I felt stupid but you can't let what other people do or think affect your own self image. Thanks for the advice! Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 So I took your advice and I told him that I didn't think his girlfriend would appreciate us meeting up and then he turned it on me and asked "why not? Do you have feelings for me still? If not, it shouldn't be a problem". So I responded with " Lol I don't, I hung out with you twice... You said you think about me a lot so I figure that's not someone I would want my boyfriend hanging out with." He had nothing to say to that, so I blocked him and moved on with my life. I guess at the end of the day my ego was hurt and I felt stupid but you can't let what other people do or think affect your own self image. Thanks for the advice! A last go of it to have his ego stroked? Jerk. Sorry you had to deal with this. Link to comment
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