Same sex break up help me

[MissMara2014]

Hello..everyone I prefer you bring a cup of a green tea and relax so you read my long story - I'll try to make it as short as possible -.

I'm a girl. But....

My problems started when I was in college I met this girl we became more than a friends more than sisters more than a family and eventually I fell in love with her. I became a lesbian who had a lot of sexual contact with her.

I loved her so much with my everything I was so happy with her...being with her...I've heared her crying...I was supporting her through a lot of difficult times in her life and she was doing the same as well... we cared about each other for more than 7 years and we thought we'll never be apart. I even proposed to her a fake probosal and we got married and we were wearing rings "fake not official" just to remind us that we love each other so much.

 

And the story begins before few months from now.

All of a sudden she changed a lot I noticed that she never call me like the way she used to.. she never cared if I cry or if I am sad or mad. Before she would attempt suicide if I got mad at her.

Anyhow I don't want to write all the details I discovered by accident that she was cheating on me for the last few months with this guy ( not a sexual cheating) . She talked to him..she brought him gift that we both chose but I didn't know it was for him.

After she confessed, she told me that I love him and I do wanna marry him..and

And in the new year eve she told him I LOVE YOU for the first time.

And now I'm all alone feeling all empty and sorrow .

When I discovered about her and him our talk was on the phone, she never called back, she never came to my house to talk. And she never showed any signs of regret!

So when we went back to work - I work with her now- we talked about what happened she said she lost control and she said it was a crush that suddenly and in a short time became as a true love that she will attempt sucide if they both won't get married.

She looks so strong and happy.and he is so perfect so handsome so successful so hot.

I tried to talk to her maybe 4 or 5 times about this but everytime I got too weak and I cry or we have huge fight...last time we talk about it. she told me stuff that hurt me a lot like I hate you and I don't want you...and he worths that I gave up on you... the problem is she only knew him for the last 2 months and I was the one who was faith and loyal.

Now she's treating me differently her attitude became so rude so hurtful so painful. She saw me crying and collapsing and she did nothing..she feels like I'm jealous... and deep down I am really jelaous I want her back I want everything back... I get jealous everytime I imagine her having a sexual relationship with her future husband I get jealous everytime she talks to him about her daily details.I remember our first kiss..first hug..everysong reminds me of her...everyplace brings so many good memories I'm not strong enough to see all the pictures we took together,everythings is deepky attached with a wonderful memory with her...she stopped calling, texting, and in work she treats me like garpage I tried to talk to her but she looks like she doesnt care anymore. She call me maybe once a day just to say HI.she wants us to be friends and she wants me to accept the fact that she will get married to him and to move on with my life!!!!

I don't know if this's a god's way of punishment ? Why am I the only one who should suffer why am I the only one who should be weak and struggle? While she's happy strong and being so harsh on the way how she treat me. I don't know was it fake? Was it wrong? Is it because it was a same sex relationship?

Please give me advices how to cope my jealousy? How to cope my life without her when everything I built in the last 7 years was with her? How can I cope the fact that I'll be facing her for the next few years at work? Nobody knows that me and her were lesbians, it's not legally where I live and it's forbidden in my religion... maybe I was wrong I'm not into girls at all but with her everything felt right.

She called me twice collapsed crying and asking advises about her new love I couldn't resist myself I gsve her steps she is crazy about him and looks deeply attached weird!!

Thank you in advance.

 

I'm waiting

[MissMara2014]

I get too weak to hear her crying even if she is falling in love with him if it hurts me and I can't say anything