Redabc123 Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Ok so last week I needed advice on a guy I had just met but had been talking to for two weeks..recap: so I wasn't sure weather to contact him after the date, I sucked it up and thanked him for the date he apologized for not texting after the date he said work got busy. We ended up going out again twice within the week we met for the first time Monday, we went to dinner Thursday and I saw him on Sunday as well. On Sunday we met at his house I stopped by to say hi because I was in the neighborhood and he asked if wanted hang out for a few because I had plans that night. We watched tv and talked and then started to make out it got a little touchy but no sex, I jokingly did I wasn't easy and he said he knew but you could tell we were both sexually frustrated because I kept stopping him because we couldn't stop kissing or touching lol so I told him I had to go but we kind of agreed to hang out again. That night he texted and asked I was ok after leaving his place I said I was , we chatted for a few and then I went to bed. Ok since then I have heard for. Him everyday but initiated by me one night I just wished him a good day and the next. Day I. Replied to to text I missed for him the day before. He usually calls me but hasn't since we last saw each other he said he has been busy at work but I'm not sure if that's an excuse. I have been out with other guys but I think I have the most chemistry with him and would like to get to know him better but don't know how he feels. Should I leave him alone and see if he initiates contact. I was going to wish him a Merry Christmas but figured it was time for him to initiate contact. Any advice? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 I don't think you should invite yourself over to hang out at a guy's house that early on in dating. That gives the impression that you're overly eager/available and probably willing to get sexual. Since it's the holiday leave him be and see if he contacts you within the next week or so. Do you know if he is in town for the holidays? Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted December 25, 2013 Author Share Posted December 25, 2013 I agree but we never went his room and we were playing with his dog a lot so we didn't make out the whole time , but yes I agree bad move on my part but we didn't have sex. He is working today, so he is in town Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 I agree but we never went his room and we were playing with his dog a lot so we didn't make out the whole time , but yes I agree bad move on my part but we didn't have sex. He is working today, so he is in town My point was let a man ask you out on dates he plans. Don't make it so easy for him to hang out and hook up at his house. And your comment "I'm not easy" gives the impression that you might be or have been in compromising situations -too much information that early on. You want to be the special person he has to put effort into getting to spend time with especially in the early stages. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted December 25, 2013 Author Share Posted December 25, 2013 I agree thank you, so I should move on and not intiate? Link to comment
missmarple Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 Don't initiate contact again. You contacted him first after the first date, you went by his house the third time..if he's interested, he'll definitely contact you. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted December 25, 2013 Author Share Posted December 25, 2013 I don't think you should invite yourself over to hang out at a guy's house that early on in dating. That gives the impression that you're overly eager/available and probably willing to get sexual. Since it's the holiday leave him be and see if he contacts you within the next week or so. Do you know if he is in town for the holidays? Also I didn't invite myself he invited me not that it makes a difference lol Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 You knocked on his door and he invited you in. I wouldn't have knocked on his door -again, no need to be that available to hang out and hook up with someone you just started dating. I have a feeling you were intentionally in his neighborhood, right? Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted December 25, 2013 Author Share Posted December 25, 2013 You knocked on his door and he invited you in. I wouldn't have knocked on his door -again, no need to be that available to hang out and hook up with someone you just started dating. I have a feeling you were intentionally in his neighborhood, right? I understand but if all he wanted was sex it wasn't getting it and that also means him and I aren't looking for the same thing weather knocked his door not, and yes I was in the neighborhood I had a Christmas party at my school which is 5 min away from where he lives. I never gave the impression wanted to sleep with him .... So I necessarily agree but I do agree that should not initiate contact, but I did want him to know I was interested. What's done is done We made out But I don't know what the next step is. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 I understand but if all he wanted was sex it wasn't getting it and that also means him and I aren't looking for the same thing weather knocked his door not, and yes I was in the neighborhood I had a Christmas party at my school which is 5 min away from where he lives. I never gave the impression wanted to sleep with him .... So I necessarily agree but I do agree that should not initiate contact, but I did want him to know I was interested. What's done is done We made out But I don't know what the next step is. You gave the impression you wanted to hook up by knocking on his door and spending your time hanging out at his house. Let him court you. Yes, a very old-fashioned word but old doesn't make it bad. I think by accepting his invitations for dates in the past week he knows full well you're interested -you don't need to stop by his house unannounced to hang out to show him you're interested. Just a humble opinion from an old married lady who spent many years dating and who has many friends who are still in the dating scene (and I only stopped in 2005 -so I'm not old in that sense!). Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted December 25, 2013 Author Share Posted December 25, 2013 I haven't heard from him today, so I don't know how interested he really is. I was invited over , I would never show up unannounced. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 25, 2013 Share Posted December 25, 2013 "On Sunday we met at his house I stopped by to say hi because I was in the neighborhood" This is where you give the impression that you showed up without previous plans. This situation is easy to read. If he wants to go on a date with you he will ask you out. If he doesn't get in touch with you within the next week or so you will know he is not interested(or interested enough) in dating you. Do not put your life on hold until then -until you're exclusive, each date is your last unless there is another date -time and place -planned. That's not a negative mindset -it's simple reality. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted December 26, 2013 Author Share Posted December 26, 2013 "On Sunday we met at his house I stopped by to say hi because I was in the neighborhood" This is where you give the impression that you showed up without previous plans. This situation is easy to read. If he wants to go on a date with you he will ask you out. If he doesn't get in touch with you within the next week or so you will know he is not interested(or interested enough) in dating you. Do not put your life on hold until then -until you're exclusive, each date is your last unless there is another date -time and place -planned. That's not a negative mindset -it's simple reality. I guess I should mentioned he invited me the night before, so it was a plan Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 I guess I should mentioned he invited me the night before, so it was a plan Oh ok - that's not how it came accross in your post -and then you said you went there to make sure he knew you were interested so what you mean is that you agreed to see him multiple times in a week so he would know you're interested. I understand. It sounds like he wanted you to agree to have sex at his house and now it depends on how he balances his desire to have sex with you against whether it's worth it to continue dating you knowing you want to wait. Either way I'm glad you stuck to your values and don't take it personally if you don't hear from him. Link to comment
goodheartlady Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 I would certainly not initiate any more contact. Instead of saying "I am not easy," just don't act easy. Your actions speak louder than words. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted December 26, 2013 Author Share Posted December 26, 2013 Thanks guys for the advice, he did wish me a merry Christmas I asked how is day was he responded but he never asked how mine was and it took him an hour before he text right away, I also asked if he was doing anything for New Years he said something about hanging out with his dad and work I tried to give a hint that I had nothing planned and he didn't respond. I'm confused how you lose interest that fast and sounds like he probably talking to someone else right? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 Thanks guys for the advice, he did wish me a merry Christmas I asked how is day was he responded but he never asked how mine was and it took him an hour before he text right away, I also asked if he was doing anything for New Years he said something about hanging out with his dad and work I tried to give a hint that I had nothing planned and he didn't respond. I'm confused how you lose interest that fast and sounds like he probably talking to someone else right? He may not have lost interest -he might simply have the same level of interest as he did before but you were reading into his interest level because of your interest level. If he wants to see you New Years then he needs to make that plan in advance -please don't be overly available to him on that kind of night. He probably is dating other people or looking to date other people just like you should be. Link to comment
missmarple Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 Thanks guys for the advice, he did wish me a merry Christmas I asked how is day was he responded but he never asked how mine was and it took him an hour before he text right away, I also asked if he was doing anything for New Years he said something about hanging out with his dad and work I tried to give a hint that I had nothing planned and he didn't respond. I'm confused how you lose interest that fast and sounds like he probably talking to someone else right? He could be talking to someone else (or more than one), he could just be wishing merry Christmas to everyone he knows, he might want some time for himself...lots of possibilities. I'd say it's good that he thought of you but take that for what it is, not for something more. Also, don't drop hints to him in the future. If someone wants to know if you're free on some particular night, they'll ask. Especially about New Year's, I agree with Batya. Don't be too available unless he's made plans in advance...don't let yourself become a last minute thought. Link to comment
savignon Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 I agree with all the others. You've definitely shown interest and he's had his "busy with work" excuse ready to pull out whenever he's needed it. The fact that he was so into the physical part isn't surprising and unfortunately doesn't speak to anything outside of a physical interest. I went on 3 dates with a guy and for our 4th date he suggested we meet at his place beforehand which I declined. He mentioned months later something to the effect that I really showed through actions that I wasn't "easy". You don't have to say it...you have to behave that way. Stopping by because you're in the neighborhood after one or two dates is almost too casual/buddy-like. It doesn't mean that you're in any way sexually "easy" (or that there's anything wrong with that) but makes it seem like you're more easily available which causes for someone to not try as hard. All that being said, I think a guy who's really into you wouldn't be turned off by you stopping by or being available last minute. The "busy at work" is more what makes me think he's just not that interested. Everyone is busy at work. Very few people allow work to prevent them from developing a friendship/relationship they want to have. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 "Stopping by because you're in the neighborhood after one or two dates is almost too casual/buddy-like. It doesn't mean that you're in any way sexually "easy" (or that there's anything wrong with that) but makes it seem like you're more easily available which causes for someone to not try as hard. " Apparently I misread that part of her post. They had planned the night before for her to stop by his house. Link to comment
savignon Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 "Stopping by because you're in the neighborhood after one or two dates is almost too casual/buddy-like. It doesn't mean that you're in any way sexually "easy" (or that there's anything wrong with that) but makes it seem like you're more easily available which causes for someone to not try as hard. " Apparently I misread that part of her post. They had planned the night before for her to stop by his house. Ah, I see. I think overall not very interested. Work is the classic excuse because it's vague enough to leave room for interpretation. Link to comment
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