How to completely let go

[Jay98]

Hi everyone.

 

My ex came back 3 times, each time putting on a show of tears, desperation and promise of a happy future citing how much he loved me and couldn't live without me. Each time however, he would back out within days and get defensive, aggressive, rude and distant if I questioned it. He would often put the blame on me also, saying "I didn't want it enough" among other things. He also talked about sex most of the time but would send flowers to my workplace, help me improve a book I am working on, tell close friends he was happy and write cute poems. Which is why I find this so confusing. The difference from one day to another could be extreme.

 

We have been NC for about 3 weeks now (not really counting). To be honest I have been happy...up until the point of someone else showing interest . If a guy asks me out or says he has feeling for me, I close myself off. I just don't want to know and I get anxious. At one point I even cried when a guy asked me to dinner and blocked his number. What is wrong with me?!

 

I don't know what's going on in my exes life and don't care to. I've had no urge to check his Facebook and when it does creep in, it's quickly replaced by an unpleasant memory which stops me from searching online. His friends say he misses me and that I've done nothing wrong and I am 'lovely' etc. He also wrote a list of reasons why he loved me so much which he showed me last time he was over, about 3 days before he ended it...again.

 

How does a person rid themselves of this confusion? I'm happier now that I have no drama in my life but I miss the good times. Thing is I can't even imagine having another boyfriend and I really like spending time alone doing my book and gaming etc because there is zero hassle. I'm afraid of relationships. Is this normal?

[NorthDallas40]

It's totally normal, so give relationships a break for awhile.

 

Do the things that make you happy and continue NC, even if your ex gets in touch. He's been given 3 chances and he blew them all; don't bother giving him a 4th. It may seem cold, but just ignore him - that's all he is owed now.

 

In the meantime work on your projects, hang out with friends, have fun and live your life! When you feel ok with dating again, you'll know.