Starting Over....again.

[faraday]

It's really nice to be able to talk about issues...I've never had this. Tine's dad would completely shut off...if I mention an issue (even to this day), he would disappear for a few days. Mat would completely lose it. Anything I brought up (even like...you stay here 6 nights a week, can you please start putting your dishes in the dishwasher) would be a HUGE deal...so I stopped talking about anything that wasn't happy...and even then he would get mad if I was happy about something that he didn't fully understand *eye roll*...and then Lee. Who bolted the first time I said anything remotely unpleasant.

 

Jay doesn't freak out or clam up...he thinks about it and responds. It's so weird to me. It will take a while for me to not be anxious about talking to him...but I think in time, it will become easier as I realize he won't flip out or leave.

 

Today I'm meeting with a magazine about getting in their magazine. Should be interesting. I should really get ready.

 

It's raining and cold...and I want to stay bundled up in blankets on my couch.

[DancingFool]

That's what makes guys like Jay keepers. It's not that they are perfect and never create issues, it's that you can resolve those issues.

 

Hope your meeting went well.

[faraday]

So for my birthday Jay got me roses and made me little IUO cards...things like "will move furniture and place in the house", "will move a piano anywhere in the city", "will fully clean your kitchen." and my favourite...(back story: I always wake him up in a "fun" way. Every morning. I like it and so does he...he's NOT morning people so it's a good way to start the day) "Will provide a "special" morning "wake up", must be presented 12 hours in advance." Made me laugh He made 10 of them...and most of them were for helping me out with stuff. It was really sweet. Everything on there was really thoughtful

 

Next week I meet his parents for the first time. I'm excited. He keeps thinking I'm going to run away lol.

 

I finished 2 paintings this morning...and a guitar. Productive I finally hired a housekeeper. I can't keep up with everything and still have time to do my projects...it's so nice to have a spotless house.

 

Time to get another painting done...I'm inspired today

[DancingFool]

Woohoo! Sounds great and you soooo deserve this. All of this!

 

...oh yeah....and Happy B-Day!

[faraday]

Thanks, friend I hope things are good with you Miss DF

[DancingFool]

Not too bad. Wondering why work ramps up right when I have a nice little vacay coming up. Looks like I might spend most of it working remotely....ugh.....

[faraday]

Where are you going?

 

Maybe you should plan on going somewhere with no cell service

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[DancingFool]

A nice little resort/spa in CA. Think delicious food/wine and massages. Basically I need to chill out so I don't say out loud what I'm actually thinking when working....lmao..... You know, things like "your company is tanking because you are an idiot with a big ego and clueless to boot." and instead smile and say "oh, you really have brilliant ideas. Let's work on them and make them shine. You'll have your best year yet. Rah rah rah!"

[faraday]

I love food and wine! Sounds like you're going for a nice vacation, I'm in!

 

A few days ago Mat sent me a fb friend request. I ignored him. I sent him a text and said, "We can be business friends, but I can't be your friend on fb."

 

He replied back with how sad he is right now...him and the ex-mistress broke up.

 

Not surprised.

 

I told him I still can't be friends with him and wished his heart a speedy recovery.

 

Now he's texting me several times a day asking what I'm doing and calling me boring for not replying.

 

It might not be worth it to keep him as an art contact. I told him "having sex" last time and he hasn't bugged me since....so maybe that will solve it.

 

Jay got in on Tuesday from his last job...I didn't hear from him much when he was at site, he was working relaly long hours. So during the day I sent him a text, "I'm so glad you're coming back- I missed you, I need some Jay time."...and I knew he wasn't getting in until really late, and he worked in the morning...so I didn't expect to see him for a few days. He didn't reply to my text, and I ended up going to bed around 8 (I'm geriatric often)...and at 11 he showed up in my bed. He said he missed me too It was sweet. I like him

 

On Wednesday, I met Jays friends finally. They're really nice. Then last night he came for dinner with my parents, daughter and I. It was a nice night.

 

When we were in bed last night and he called me "cute". I don't get called cute. Ever. I have been called "hot" and "gorgeous" and "beautiful" but not cute since I was a kid. So I told him that...and he hesitated before explaining the differences in the words to me. "Hot" is apparently the girl you want to f%ck and never see again..."and "cute" is the girl you want to take home to your parents and eventually...pause *cough* maybe one day marry." Maybe it's the glasses. I've never wore glasses.

 

Later on...he randomly started laughing again, and I asked him why, and he said, "You should get a cat." "What?" "Well, I was laughing because, I was thinking, I really want a cat. But I can't get one because Annas (his roommate) bf is allergic to cats....and I really want one. So naturally, I thought, "Faraday" should get one because I can't, and that's why I laughed." "You're weird." "Yeah" "I thought you wanted a dog?" "I do." "Well, if we still know each other in a year or two, lets get a dog together. Then you can take care of it...instead of me taking care of your cat right now." He thought that made more sense...but he still wants a cat. Weirdo.

 

He left straight from my place this morning to site. He'll be gone until Tuesday again. I always miss him, but I'm glad he's gone. I have so many art projects I need to do this weekend.

[faraday]

I'm having a sad day today. I wasn't motivated to do anything.

 

It wasn't tied to anything (that I'm thinking about anyway)...I think I'm going to watch a super sappy chick flick and hopefully bawl my eyes out. I haven't felt like this in months

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[DancingFool]

A really belated hug. I hope by now you are feeling much better. Why the blues anyway? Hope all is well.

[faraday]

Thanks. I don't know what was up. I have that every once in a while. Usually around my period...but that time...was just random. It felt like when I was on steroids....that overwhelmingly empty feeling. On those days, I think...I need to go back on antidepressants...but then the feeling passes. I actually totally forgot about this day until I re-read this.

 

Did you go on your vacation yet??

[DancingFool]

Yup and it was niiiice... sooo not ready to be back, but have to be. Kind of dealt with a lot of things pretty halfhearted today. It's like what do I absolutely have to answer and what can wait until tomorrow....lol...

 

Glad you are out of it though. I think we all sometimes hit that mood where it's time for wine, ice cream and a good chick flick and the menz should wisely hide...lol....

[faraday]

I'm glad you had fun Was that a trip you went with your bf with or friends? (or alone?) Was it a week?

 

Yeah...I hate those times. Poor people around me...run for your lives! lol

[DancingFool]

Just a few days by myself. I'm self indulgent like that. Really needed a break from everything and could probably use an even longer one...lol....

[faraday]

Was in an art show on Sunday. Didn't sell anything...the place was dead Bad timing...we have a HUGE 10 day festival that started last weekend...and I shouldn't have signed up that weekend. But. It was good. I talked to a lot of different artists, learned a few things...like what they use to hang their paintings and stuff...what to expect at art shows. It was a good learning experience.

 

Saturday was my girls 6th birthday party....so...13 kids and a petting zoo in my yard...it was crazy but awesome. My daughter left right after her party to go to Texas with her dad for a week. I miss her.

 

Jay came to the party, got Clementine a present (a collection of Beatrix Potter books), and hung out with my parents and Clementine's dad. It was nice. We went for massages later that night and dinner...and he brought up a vague discussion of where I want things to go. Do I want to get married one day? Have kids? What kind of timeline do I think those things should happen in? So I told him I would prefer engagement to be around a year and half...I want to get to know someone...and that I don't want to live with someone before becoming engaged. He said he could see why I felt that way, but he also felt that you can't really get to know someone unless you live with them. Which, I can see. We'll have to talk about it next year if we hit that point.

 

He ended up helping me drag all my paintings and furniture to the art show....and hung around for the first few hours because it was dead. Then he went off to do his stuff....and what was really nice was that I posted on fb that I was going to be there...and several friends showed up throughout the day to come say hi and buy me coffee It was really sweet to see the support that I have.

 

My aunt passed away yesterday morning....and my parents had to put their cat down (I found in him in a dumpster 8 years ago and raised him until he was old enough to get declawed and spayed- then my parents adopted him...I was his first mum He was such a cutie.) So...yesterday was a rough day. Jay ended up coming over last night...and getting up at 5 and flying out for work.

 

Jay gets back on Sunday (so does Clementine), and Monday morning we're leaving for a camping trip until Thursday. Should be fun Jay picked the place and booked it...he found a place with a beach, playground, showers, hiking paths and ice cream...I'm impressed because...he doesn't go car camping...so I was a bit nervous that he might not get the amenities required when bringing kids (we're bringing her cousin along too). I'm excited.

[DancingFool]

What a mix of good and bad. So sorry about your loss. Hugs.

 

Jay just sounds awesome + a million....lol....

 

So what are your plans for the whole week you have to yourself?

[faraday]

What a mix of good and bad. So sorry about your loss. Hugs.

 

Jay just sounds awesome + a million....lol....

 

So what are your plans for the whole week you have to yourself?

 

Thanks It's hard dealing with everyone around me being sad....I don't view death the same as others...so I don't get upset about it...but it's sad seeing my parents and brother so upset.

 

Jay is awesome I've totally fallen...hard. I've tried not to but I couldn't stop lol. I met his family last week, and it went great...I could see so much of his mannerisms in them...it was endearing. And his dad talks to him the same way my dad talks to me, so it made me laugh.

 

Jay hasn't said that he loves me yet....I said it to him, and I still do occasionally...it just kind of comes out of me randomly. He smiles and kisses me and pulls me in and envelopes me...but he hasn't said it yet. He's slow with the verbal affirmation...but I don't feel like he doesn't love me....it's weird....because...I've dated guys that said they loved me all the time...but I questioned it...and Jay never says it...but I don't doubt that he does.

 

A week off isn't really a week off. I still have my supportive roommate, and I have taken on a new client that I just do day trips with (25 hours a week)...and I need to get a ton of painting done for a show in 3 weeks...and get everything ready for camping because I'm in charge of prep work.

 

I'm really looking forward to next week. I have a feeling Jay will do most of the stuff when we get out there...he likes manning the fire, and I think he'll be better at cooking on it. I need to cook a bunch of stuff and freeze it so it can go into the cooler.

[DancingFool]

Can't wait to hear how the trip goes.

[faraday]

The morning before we left, Jay ended up getting stung by two wasps...and wasn't sure if he'd be up for camping the next day (he's allergic- swells up like crazy in the appendage he was bit on- fortunately, he kept on Benydryl for 4 days following and was only swollen up a bit, but had to deal with the Benydryl side effects...so he was pretty useless for a few days), so I ended up packing everything the morning of because he was trying to get the things done that he couldn't the day before (when he was bit). I was super stressed out...because the night before, Tine got back from Texas with her dad (which was delayed and got in at 1 am the night before we left)...and on the plane, he texts me telling me that she's really sick and crying....so the morning of camping, I'm packing alone, taking her to the walk in...dealing with Costco messing up her prescription...and I have her hyperactive cousin at my place (he came camping with us)....it was overall, one of the crappiest mornings in the history of my life. I pick up Jay...he's miserable and drugged...and I seriously wanted to turn around lol. By the time we got to his house, it was 2 hours later then we meant to leave, the kids were hungry and restless...so while we're trying to figure out how to get his gear in my cram packed SUV, the kids are running throughout his house...and when everything was in, we came back inside and he had made the kids little snack packs (on the phone I mentioned they were hungry) with nuts and blueberries and chips...like random things from his pantry that he threw together...it was really sweet. When I see him...I calm down. When he hugs me, I know things will be okay...I don't understand how that works.

 

So we take off (finally), and 4 hours later get to the grounds (after 7 pm )...and it was kind of neat...we unloaded the car and set up everything pretty well together. Like...we were pretty synced in how we do things. I gave Tine her meds, we had a quick dinner...and went to bed. The next morning at 4 am, we wake up to Tine screaming...she had a really bad ear infection....so I gave her all her meds (3 different prescriptions and 2 different pain meds), and she asked to sleep with me...so all three of us squished into our queen air mattress...Jay handled it really well.

 

We get up the next morning...and the kids ran off to play....and I realized that this camp ground that Jay picked...is freaking awesome for kids. Our site backed onto a small creek that the kids spent the day building bridges accross...and a forest that they spent the day playing in with the other kids in the camp grounds. There was a beach with a shallow lake that we took the kids to....ice cream...lots of shade (it was HOT)... it was a really nice job on his part...he researched it for quite a while and picked a good place...I was impressed. So we spent the day reading while the kids played.

 

I hadn't seen Tine's cousin in a year (he's on her dads side of the family)...and didn't realize that he doesn't eat real food....so we struggled with getting him to eat the whole trip...his mom packed him an arsenal of chips, cookies and candies which I took away on the first night...and Jay totally backed me on the eating thing (which was nice- other people I've dated wouldn't have)...and by the end, her cousin was eating meals with us. Jay said that I eat similar to how he eats and was raised and really liked that...so it was good to see we're compatible in that way.

 

We looked like a family when we were out there...two adults, two kids....and people just assumed that both kids were ours and that we were a family. I thought maybe it would weird him out (it kind of weirded me out lol), but it didn't seem to phase him. Tine's cousin made comments about us not being family, and Jay told him, "but for this week, you guys are our kids"...and he just completely stepped up and acted like a parent to both kids...it was kind of incredible to watch. It made it a lot easier for me...him sharing that responsibility.

 

The trip started off horrible...but ended up turning out really great. On the drive home, we stopped off at a small town that Jay's cousin lives in and I got to meet her and the kids got to run around at the water park for a few hours....it was nice. We talked the entire way home (remember that road trip with Mat that was half the amount of time and we had nothing to talk about?)...and discovered we have even more musically similar tastes...when we got back to my place, I took the kids in and put them in the bath....and he unloaded the entire car.

 

He's in awe of my ability to organize trips, cars and kids...and I'm in awe of his empathy and adaptability. I got to see what life with him would be like. When I'm stressed out and grumpy...and he's sick...he still managed to get me in a good mood and take care of me.

 

And the good news? I've heard from him since we've gotten back haha. I was worried he would flee after that much domestication...but we have plans tomorrow night...and he leaves on Sunday for almost a month.

 

Sorry that was long lol. I have a lot of random thoughts floating through my head. It's going to take a few days to process.

[DancingFool]

Aaaawwww.....yup...that's all I've got.....aaaaawwwww

[faraday]

I feel like I should update...but I don't really have a lot to update. Things are going good. He calls when he says he will, he makes time for me when he's in town (like I get the majority of his nights now)...it's just really easy. We don't fight. We're planning a 6 day road trip in September to visit his parents...they live out on the coast. We'll see if his work schedule will cooperate.

 

Idk...I'm happy

 

I'm fostering kittens right now...They are SO cute. All they want is to snuggle...and they're so soft and sweet. Jay wants to keep them. And get a dog in the future. Ummm...no lol. Too many animals.

 

I was accepted into a gallery In about 4 months I'll be on display. It feels like a dream

 

Life is really good right now.

 

Jay is gone for another week and a half...I miss him like crazy. But I know he misses me...so it somehow works out.

[faraday]

JAY COMES HOME TONIGHT!!! He gets home 3 days early...because they're sending him back out for 3 weeks on Sunday But I get to see him for 4ish days!! I've been like, jumping all day.

 

I need to like rub a shirt all over him when he's sweaty so I can smell him when he's gone again. I know...that's weird. But I could put the shirt on a pillow and then it would be like he's in bed still

[faraday]

It was weird this time. Probably one of the only "off" visits we've ever had. He was sick. Like...tired, coughing constantly...a bit short tempered. I had a yeast infection (no sex except the first and last day of his visit) and I was PMSing and getting symptoms of what he had...so it never came to a fight or anything, but there was tension there. I brought it up yesterday...he felt like...he couldn't make it me happy...he couldn't spend as much time with him as I wanted...and I had to explain to him that I get that he has to do other things on his days off...and that 4 days isn't enough even if he had spent every second with me...4 days every 3 weeks is hard. So we came to an understanding. It wasn't an ideal weekend. He was sick and couldn't give me all that I needed, and because I was PMSy, I was insecure and wanting more than usual. He left last night, and we were good though, so I guess that's the important part.

 

His flight left 5 hours ago...he's gone until September.

 

He still hasn't said "love" yet. I've always been a believer that if someone doesn't love you by 6 months, they won't ever. We're coming up to 6 months in a few weeks. I know he's in because of the way he makes time for me and the way he treats me. I also know...he's not great expressing things verbally. He'll give me a bear hug and it feels more like love than when anyone has said it to me. It's just crappy timing that this last weekend happened at that kind of crux point in my head for "where are things going?" I don't really know what to think....I don't think he's stringing me along. I know he wants to get married, he wants kids....he hasn't said with me yet and that's okay because I'm not ready to commit to that either...and I like that he only says what he means if it's a for sure thing. He makes plans with me...we have things we're talking about in October, December...and next summer (if we still know each other). *sighs* I think I just need to stop thinking. Pms makes me crazy

[DancingFool]

Indeed. I think you need to toss out your "deadline" before it ruins the good you have going for you. I'm a sure thing sort of a person and I can honestly tell you that 6 months is just too short of a time for me to ever say that I love someone. Lust and desire sure, but love...that deep stable secure feeling where I just know I'd give this person my all...no. Too soon.

 

Add to it that you two really haven't had a chance to get on each others nerves, to have a good old fashioned fight over something stupid because you are both grumpy, etc. You really haven't seen the whole four seasons of the relationship and are still very much in the honeymoon phase....sooo...what I'm saying is chill. You've got a long ways to go still. Love is when they totally drive you up the wall over something and after you are done fighting, even when you are still steaming about it, you save them the last slice of their favorite pie...because no matter how angry you are in that moment, deep inside you know it will pass and you love them, flaws, stupid things they do, and all.

 

Congrats on the gallery! Don't forget us little people when you are famous.