Worried and Hurt

[Kinleyy7]

Yesterday, my boyfriend and I went to go visit my my grandfather in hospice (he has stage 4 cancer). Obviously, this was hard on me. Afterwards I was upset, and wanted to just be with my boyfriend for awhile. But, after a few minutes he insisted I go home. This really hurt my feelings. I felt like my boyfriend didn't want to put up with me when i was feeling down, only when I am in a good mood. Later I got into an argument with him about it and it totally blew up. I said some things I didn't mean. We left the conversation on bad terms last night, with him asking me to speak to him later.

 

I have not attempted to talk to him today, because he seemed mad. I think its best to give him space, but how much space? How do I resolve this issue?

 

thank you

[SapphireNoir10]

First of all I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather.

 

Some people are just not very good at giving sympathy or knowing what to say. I'm not saying it's an excuse but it may be he doesn't know how to handle the situation.

 

Maybe you could text him and tell him that you were feeling down and you just needed him and that you'd like to talk or sort things out.

 

Is this the first time he's really done something bad?

[Kendahke]

Sorry about your grandfather.

 

Everyone handles grief differently.

 

You need to understand that some people do not know how to or can't deal with things like this. The situation makes everyone feel powerless, including him. There is nothing he can do, short of curing your grandfather and restoring his health, to help you. I think you should be realistic in what you expect out of him. It's not a matter of "putting up with you". It's a matter of he cant' do anything to help and males, generally speaking, are inclined to try to fix things. He's not plugged in to acting like your female friends who are, generally speaking more inclined to listen to you and let you cry about it.

 

I think you should cut him some slack. Sometimes the best thing someone can do is give you space.

[Kinleyy7]

He doesn't know how to deal with emotional situations. I'm usually a very happy girl, but I do have my insecurities. When I get upset, or just need him to be there for me, he just kind of retracts into himself. As soon as I start to talk about my problems, he gets unresponsive.

[SapphireNoir10]

I know that feeling my husband is similar. He's not great at talking about stuff sometimes and he isn't sure how to handle it when I'm down or upset about things.

 

It's just sometimes people have different ways of dealing with things and different ways of communicating

 

If you love him and want to be with him you either have to accept this is who he is or find someone more willing to talk about these things.

[pippy longstocking]

I agree with the other posters , we all deal with grief differently , some people like to

be surrounded , some like to go off on their own ..etc etc

 

well it's the same for someone who is with the person dealing with the grief ...it might friek them out , they may not have a clue what the other person wants ...the list is endless .

 

also , he went to a hospice with you , well that in my mind is a biggy as far as gestures go ..yes they are beautiful places of caring staff and wonderful doctors , but ...we know why people go and to actually visit one is a real jolt into reality about our own mortality ..

 

HE maybe needed to go off and be on his own .

 

darling it's dreadful to watch a loved one pass and you have my upmost sympathy as my mum is also terminally ill ... so emotions run high ...so don't have a bust up with your man over this ...after all ..life is what we make it and sometimes we just need to take a step back and view it differently . x