Hi, I am new here and slowly recovering...

[Scottrn]

I don't have call id either, so sometimes I just don't answer! I can choose to keep doing what I'm doing, don't need to run to the phone anyway! The good days come and go, but it seems to be getting better. GG, I don't know what I would do, I think I would be a little afraid of 'going off' on her as I'm not over it yet, and thats not who I want to be. My first reaction is to delete it and don't respond, but she said she'd call back later so maybe wait for that.

Good luck deciding brother, post what happens!

[GreatGuy]

Thank you everyone for your input....but I think that I am moving so much faster than expected in the healing process...all along knowing that I really do Love this girl.

I guess she really wanted to speak to me because after getting that call and listening to the message, I went to bed, woke up to the phone ringing again...and it was her! But this time I was not even worried I was quite calm and collected. I said hello, and she had this happy-perky Hi! That was nice because it allowed me to relax without fear of relapse, and begin to do my thing, be myself and be Clear. She asked how I was, I asked the same, she told me she was on her way to drop off grading done last night and that she slept in this morning(she is a math prof.). Told me that our ChiGOng instructor had been saying amazing things about me...and that she knew. Also how she was so happy that I had stuck with the classes and wanted to take some credits (she was joking), but i made sure she knew that this was about me, and I was doing it because it worked very well for me. It was all in fun though.

She said out of nowhere she'd been singing this song I wrote with her, and that now she'd made this final decision to give music a shot. I was a bit surprised because she is very busy most of the time, and this is a major decision. She asked me to help, I gave her a link to get herself started, I asked her advice about Dance/ and Chigong, she gave me some. She then told me that she was leaving tomorrow for Houston for the holydays....but would be back next week and maybe we could meet up. I sort of brushed it a side because I am very busy...as she was asking be where was I going. We said goodbye after a while and I went back to sleep. I have not told her and will not about my decision to not date for 4 months!! Me and my therapist (her therapist's sister!!!!) are doing very well and honestly this is a time to get to really know me, and I am excited about this.

 

This in my opinion was very perfect, I did not give too much and I we kept it short and light. She did ask me how I was doing and told me not to worry about her...that she was feeling better. I know she is keeping up with what is happening in my life. She then kept saying "the phone works in houston....the cell works in houston..) and that there is not much to do there. She even used a few "honeys", "Blossom", "Baby" in our conversations...that was a bit awkward and I just squashed it for now..

 

So there you have it!! any reactions??

 

[Mentor]

WOW

[GreatGuy]

WOW

 

Indeed

[Scottrn]

WOW is right!

That's great! I'm not in a place yet I can do that, but you sound (read?!?) like you did/aare doing great. Good for you, keep it up!

By the way, did you go to therapy right away, or did you try to go it alone first? I'm thinking therapy might speed things up for me, but not sure they could tell me anything I don't already know or get from you guys......

[Mentor]

By the way, did you go to therapy right away, or did you try to go it alone first? I'm thinking therapy might speed things up for me, but not sure they could tell me anything I don't already know or get from you guys......

 

Speaking for myself...

 

I tried to go it alone, and failed I was getting pretty self destructive. One night I ODed on pills so bad that I was hallucinating and could not work, or even walk properly, the next day. This scared the crap out of me, and I called someone.

 

I don't have a great support network. Other than this place, I have a couple of friends, and I am starting to feel like I am stretching my welcome, at least on this topic. My therapist provides a sympathetic ear, and some good advice

[Scottrn]

I don't have a great support network. Other than this place, I have a couple of friends, and I am starting to feel like I am stretching my welcome, at least on this topic.

 

Don't think that for another second. You help, more than you know, and I appreciate it.

I'm working regularly, not self-destructing although I do have the occasional few beers....not enough to pass out or puke, but sometimes it seems to take the edge off. I only drink on weekends, and (almost) never alone, so I think it's ok so far.

Thanks mentor, keep it up.

[Mentor]

Thanks for the kind words Scott,

 

Yeah, the occasional glass of wine is great for taking the edge off. Actually, I think I know what I am going to do right now! I have a nice Australian merlot in my cupboard with my name on it

 

Not the whole bottle, just a glass 8)

[ticklebug]

gg -

 

glad to hear the conversation went well and was light...you know what I'll say though, yeah her phone works in Houston but that doesnt mean you have to call it.

 

On telling her about not dating for 4 months...that is your personal business and there is no reason to share that information.

 

If oyu are going to talk...kepp the personal out of it. Discussing common interest (music) chi gong etc is fine...but if the subjects get any deeper than that...you need to end the conversation.

 

and before you even consider meeting up with her for any reason...talk to your therapist and get her opinion.

[GreatGuy]

gg -

 

glad to hear the conversation went well and was light...you know what I'll say though, yeah her phone works in Houston but that doesnt mean you have to call it.

 

On telling her about not dating for 4 months...that is your personal business and there is no reason to share that information.

 

If oyu are going to talk...kepp the personal out of it. Discussing common interest (music) chi gong etc is fine...but if the subjects get any deeper than that...you need to end the conversation.

 

and before you even consider meeting up with her for any reason...talk to your therapist and get her opinion.

 

Once again you're saying everything I was thinking about. I actually like where I am now...and though it is very very very hard not to call her, I will give her and myself the space I needed so that we can be stronger. Calling Houston?? Calling Houston??

 

I sure will keep things very light for now...and avoid anything deep. Could you please explain why that is a must at this stage? (for my own curiosity and that of others on this site)

 

Remember you told me in your first ever reply to me that I was oblivious...how about now??

[GreatGuy]

By the way, did you go to therapy right away, or did you try to go it alone first? I'm thinking therapy might speed things up for me, but not sure they could tell me anything I don't already know or get from you guys......

 

Speaking for myself...

 

I tried to go it alone, and failed I was getting pretty self destructive. One night I ODed on pills so bad that I was hallucinating and could not work, or even walk properly, the next day. This scared the crap out of me, and I called someone.

 

I don't have a great support network. Other than this place, I have a couple of friends, and I am starting to feel like I am stretching my welcome, at least on this topic. My therapist provides a sympathetic ear, and some good advice

 

You're a True Mentor on this site for people like us....we're closely following what will happen after you head to Lisa's house. You know where I stand...and I think I just want to make sure you're in command of your own decisions so that if things don't turn out so perfect..you still will have that control, and not feel like She did it again....

 

Keep us posted and remember...You're da man.

 

Hey, you know how much I love Ti...and how hard it is to do what I am doing now right??

[Mentor]

Calling Houston?? Calling Houston??

 

LOL

 

Remember you told me in your first ever reply to me that I was oblivious...how about now??

 

LOL again.

 

Thanks Inz, I needed that!

[Mentor]

You're a True Mentor on this site for people like us....we're closely following what will happen after you head to Lisa's house. You know where I stand...and I think I just want to make sure you're in command of your own decisions so that if things don't turn out so perfect..you still will have that control, and not feel like She did it again....

 

Keep us posted and remember...You're da man.

 

Hey, you know how much I love Ti...and how hard it is to do what I am doing now right??

 

Ticklebug is in the process of talking me out of going

 

 

[GreatGuy]

and she might ......too......

[ticklebug]

I sure will keep things very light for now...and avoid anything deep. Could you please explain why that is a must at this stage? (for my own curiosity and that of others on this site)

 

 

Until you really come to terms with how you feel, what direction you are heading and have a clear idea on what you really want and need...deeper conversations other than the weather and such can easily suck you right back in.

 

The person who caused your conflicting feelings is NOT the person who can help you solve them.

 

The day you don't feel like you have to or want to have deeper relationship type conversations with her is the day you know you would be ready if you needed to...but it will be moot at that point.

[Mentor]

The person who caused your conflicting feelings is NOT the person who can help you solve them.

 

+1

 

Now why can't I understand this for myself?

[ticklebug]

maybe because no one has ever really said it to you =)

[GreatGuy]

The person who caused your conflicting feelings is NOT the person who can help you solve them.

 

+1

 

Now why can't I understand this for myself?

 

Because she used to be the one you'd go to solve other things. Its' a habit thing...we all get it. Right now Ti has been emailing me...but I am keeping it short to only bills we got to pay and that's it. I sure would love to tell her how much I could kiss her now...ask her about deep stuff....but I cannot and will not. Its up to each of us to discover our strenghts and our weakness on our own. This is Me Time!!

It is gonna be ok....just relax a bit and breath..my friend

[Scottrn]

It IS a habit thing, but thanks for pointing it out ticklebug. Sometimes we need (I do at least) the obvious brought up to see it clearly, as we can't see for ourselves.

Thanks for all your posts tb, keep doing it!!

[GreatGuy]

This weekend will be very interesting for me.....I have a new artist to Produce for.

 

She is so talented and young (17!!) but I know that we will be making some good music soon. So I got to get my stuff ready and start visualising ......

Ti is now in Houston visiting her parents... and I feel fine these days. I think the Shock is wearing off. But it is still important that I shed all before the new year. Got some work ahead of me....and many many more challenges...

[Mentor]

This weekend will be very interesting for me.....I have a new artist to Produce for. If you like you can all check it out at link removed

 

She is so talented and young (17!!) but I know that we will be making some good music soon. So I got to get my stuff ready and start visualising ......

 

Nice. Kind of Joss Stone-esque, but the music style is a little different.

 

Have fun!

[GreatGuy]

Yeah...I told her that as well! Hey Mentor what is going on...?

[Mentor]

Nuttin much, just sitting here reading sad stories

 

I played my guitar tonight Sweet. I'm coming home.

 

Are you working right over Christmas?

[GreatGuy]

...yeah, totally booked. A couple of nights out, but pretty much busy till the end of the year.

 

This is cool...but its very hard also. I know that i must stay focus on my career and take the opportunities I get, but a part of me would have loved to be in Houston with Ti granted of course the timing between us was perfect. But that is not the case, and I must deal.

 

I think that 05 will be wonderfull for me. I cannot look that far still, I must focuse on the Present, the now! I must live every second as if it was the last for me, and be very grateful for everything I have.

 

My father passed away before 2000. My mom is old now and is travelling with some other relatives. I really wanted to spend this holiday with Ti since she had become my new family...and this too isn't the case. I am not angry at all, nor sad. I am grateful to the Universe for this opportunity to grow in ways I never thought would happen, to be becoming the man I am meant to be.

 

So I am ok, dealing slowly as usual, and staying positive. I think this is a test that i will pass. You too will as well

[Mentor]

I know how you feel. My relationship with my family is pretty unpleasant. I will spend Christmas Day with them, but that is about it. Lisa has the best family in the world, so loving and warm They welcomed me in, and right from the very beginning I felt like part of the family. 8) I was so looking forward to spending time with them this season at their cottage. I still will, but not in the way that I was hoping, of course.

 

 

New Year's is going to be even worse You know what that day means between Lisa and I , and in addition it is also my birthday. This year I am going to be alone I will probably be here, with you guys No offence, but that is really depressing.