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Am I suppose to just be patient?!


Jezz143

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I'm going to try and be short..

 

I dated guy for three years. We lived together. We have a vehicle in both our names. I helped him with his little boy. We ended up breaking up about three months ago. We had hit a bottom spot in our relationship and just weren't getting along. He ended up moving out. I've been absolutely devastated. This is by the worst heartbreak I have ever had. We talk, he wants to work it out, and I feel like things are going to be ok.. and then I don't hear from him for about a week, and see that he has went out with another girl. When asking him what happened he states that "I thought I wanted to but I just don't know" He's done this twice to me. I did find out that he has had sex with this girl. But now, he is wanting to work things out again. Evem talking about moving back in. And of course I am all for it because I have missed him and his little boy so very badly. I probably look stupid because of all the events that have happened... but I really don't know...there is something about this man that keeps me hooked. I love him dearly... and I cant even fathom another man touching me.. I have told him how I felt, and that I'm scared... and I have asked him to stop talking to this girl. He stated that he would, and tells me that I just need to trust him. I still feel like he is reluctant...and I am scared to death that he going to "change his mind" again... I know this is probably so silly...and I'm idiot and should just move on... but seriously guys... this is so different. I 100% feel like I have to be with him. Like I was born to be with him... How odd...

Dirty little secret, he stayed at my house a couple days ago and I got up to get ready for work, and saw his phone. Well I looked at the texts and there were some from this girl, he had talked to her that day. A lot of it was going off on him.. but then he was saying things like "Youre amazing and I don't deserve you" "It will never work" "It just hurts that I can't see you everyday" "I love you too" And of course I got the cold sweat over me.

 

I mean .. has anyone else felt this obsessing feeling?!

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You're not an idiot, and calling yourself names isn't helpful.

 

You're drilling yourself into blindness, and you're working too hard to convince yourself that you're powerless.

 

This guy's affair is with someone who's either married or involved with someone else. He's keeping his options open with you because that's convenient--especially when he can use a babysitter to catch some time with this woman away from her husband or lover.

 

You're being duped.

 

You're too busy romanticizing to see clearly.

 

I hope you will remove yourself from this situation long enough to pull yourself out of your soul-mate haze, because you DO get to control how long it will wreck your life.

 

Keep writing here, it's a step in the right direction.

 

Head high.

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I know that horrible feeling seeing something like that and having all your worst fears confirmed. About 2.5 years ago I ended a long term relationship after finding very similar emails. I still remember my hands shaking... It's an awful way to feel.

 

If you were to keep waiting and possibly get back with him would you be able to put this behind you? Could you really just let it go and carry on as if you hadn't seen it and it never happened? Or would it make you really suspicious and want to start checking his phone every time he left the room? And how many times are you prepared to ignore/forgive things you find? For me, my partner telling someone else he loves them was & always would be a deal breaker. Only you can decide what youre willing to tolerate.

 

How soon after you broke up was he dating her? Three months seems so soon to be saying "I love you" to someone else, especially following a break up AND having told you he wanted to work things out!

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  • 2 weeks later...

I think that if he is seeing other women behind your back then that may be a sign that he is not ready to be completely committed to you. And, trust is fundamental to a healthy relationship; you need to trust your partner. You have to make decisions because as long as he doesn’t recognize this or care to make changes, you may have to live with the fact that he may continue to see other women. Your wanting him to be someone he isn’t or isn’t ready to be will not change him. He has to be motivated to make changes on his own. My relationship advice to you is it’s worth exploring your “obsessed feelings” with a professional and figuring it out.

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