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Moving on vs. giving a guy a chance?


Kricket123

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Hi all!

 

I should probably preface this by saying I abide by the school of thought that men should take the initiative, at least initially, in asking a girl out for a first and second date. I know some don't agree with this view, and that's okay--you don't have to date me

 

So, I went out with a guy I met online. Seemed nice, good conversation, had dinner for about 1.5 hours. We both said we'd like to get together again. He texted me 4 days later, and it was a brief communication that he ended (I had posted previously about this). Weekdays didn't work for him and he was away for the following weekend.

 

He then texted me a week later, asking if I had plans on Friday. I told him I had a family thing on Friday, but immediately asked if Saturday might work. He did not respond until the next day, saying that both Saturday and Sunday were not good for him, but "maybe next week."

 

With 3 weeks between date 1 and 2, not responding quickly-ish to texts, and not showing much effort in setting up date #2, this guy is not appearing that into me. I texted back and told him that I was looking for someone more interested in me and more available in general. I did so as politely as possible. Got a snarky message in return.

 

Here is where my question comes in: Where is the line between "Move on because he's just not that into you", and "Give a guy a chance?" In the past, I've tended to be too accommodating, at my emotional expense. I'm not sure where I fall in this situation.

 

Thoughts?

 

Thanks!

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"With 3 weeks between date 1 and 2, not responding quickly-ish to texts, and not showing much effort in setting up date #2, this guy is not appearing that into me."

 

I think these were clear signs he wasn't into you. And luckily you saw that. I'm not sure where one would need to give him a chance as you made your interest clear and he made his lack of interest clear.

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That's what I think, too. At the same time, I am trying to be better at giving guys a chance.

 

What made me question it was his pissy reply--left me wondering if he was interested and I was being too picky/judgmental/hasty. Or maybe he just got indignant at rejection more than anything else.

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Well you did send him a kiss off text that implied there was something wrong with him. That wasn't especially nice. It was just too difficult for you to get together. Wasn't meant to be.

 

A simpler approach is to give your attention to the guys who please you, less or none to the ones who don't. This guy wasn't trying hard enough, so it would have been logical to shift your attention elsewhere. That's moot now, though, since you told him you're not interested.

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He then texted me a week later, asking if I had plans on Friday. I told him I had a family thing on Friday, but immediately asked if Saturday might work. He did not respond until the next day, saying that both Saturday and Sunday were not good for him, but "maybe next week."

 

Sounds like you made the right call. If he was REALLY into you, you'd have had a quicker response - even if he was checking to see if he could juggle, something like "have meeting and appt will see if can resched will txt l8r 2 let u know."

 

Instead you're getting lukewarm and delayed responses. Either he doesn't have the time to seriously date someone (career or family way too many demands on time), or he's juggling other someone's would be my immediate reaction.

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