How does he have feelings for his ex still??!!

[Tina smith]

I posted a problem on here a few days ago, "He left me for his ex" and thanks for the advice.

I guess my biggest problem about all of it is this:

How does boyfriend (ex now) still have feelings for his ex after 2.5 years? I was with someone for 3 years about one year ago, but im completely over him. Ill always have aplace for him in my heart and keep in contact with him through email, but I would never go back to him, let alone leave my bf for him, even if he expressed feelings for me. I feel like, especially since im 22 yrs old, I have grown alot and changed since we were togehter, and plus my relationship I was in changed me.

 

 

I mean, all of a sudden this other girl (his ex)breaks up with her bf of over a year, and calls up my bf to tell him she has feelings for him?! Its so weird. Why would she do that, knowing that we are together and happy.

 

Also, she has this really close guy friend ( who is friends with my bf), who is in love with her, and she broke up him and his gf also.

 

I just feel like this other girl (his ex) is doing this on purpose. But maybe not.

 

The background on my ex and this other girl is, they dated for 3 years, 2.5 years ago. He broke up with her once, they got back together, and then he broke up with her again (she has a ton of guy friends and I guess it was getting to him) 6 weeks later her tryed to get her back and she said she was over him and just doesnt love him anymore. (I heard this stright from her best friends mouth) Also she was in a very intense relationship for over a year after him (that recently ended about a month ago, and he started dating maybe the prettiest girl in town,right after)

 

It all just doesnt make sense. I know i shouldnt obsess about what happened and why it did but I cant help but be curious about the whole thing. I will never take him back, even if he wanted to and admitts it was a mistake(not saying thats going to happen) but how can this be happeneing.

 

Also, she saw me for the first time 2 weeks prior to our break up. Her best friend said she had no idea who I was, but I litteraly ran right into her at the bar. And not to sound high on myself but Im very attractive compared to her (shes very skinny and small, but she almost looks like a child....she needs to eat a cheese burger!! )

 

Just adding up all the facts it seems weird. Im not asking this because I want him to come back to me, but i certainly dont want them to end up together....which is definetly possible ( I know its out of my control). He told me he has unresolved feelings for her and he needs to deal with them.

 

Has this happened to any of you? Please let me know your stories. Plus what are your opinions on this other girl?

[Breea]

Maybe when she saw you (and you say you are much more attractive than her) it made her feel insecure so she decided to fool with him to prove she could have him back. I don't think it's uncommon for a girl to NOT really want her ex but NOT want him to be happy. Or... to just do it to prove she can (having to do with her own self-esteem I think). As you probably already know, women can be evil if they want to be.

 

More importantly here is how you are feeling right now. I can tell you are very hurt and I think anyone would be in this case. You sound like a strong gal and are probably right to say you wouldn't take him back. I agree because you would then always wonder about her.

 

Time will tell why, but it sounds like you'll move on by then. Good luck resolving your feelings about the situation. -Bree

[arwen]

I think there is one important thing to realize here for you. Whether he has feelings for her or not, how she looks, all has nothing to do with you. You are a different person and your relationship was different. I understand how you feel, but don't take it as something that is ABOUT you. This is something that can happen TO you. Just try to move on...

 

Ilse.

[Tina smith]

I am very strong, and I will get through this. But your right Im very hurt.

Thats the way Im looking at the whole situation:

Shes doing it becasue she feels she can.

 

Just based on the facts of her past with my ex, her situation with her guy friend and the fact that shes recently single and sees me for the first time.

 

I guess it could go either way though. Maybe she isnt being evil. I tend to give ppl the benifit of the doubt. Which I should stop.

 

Thanks

[makeshiftdoll]

Hey there,

 

This is happening to me right now, only I'm that ex-girlfriend (only I'm not doing the pursuing - he is). I guess the big question is: what exactly were the reasons for the breakup(s) in the first place? Someone being unfaithful? Personal growth? Indecisiveness?

 

Very often (especially with young people) breakups might occur because of a desire to "see what else is out there." The whole "grass is greener" thing. Now, this might not be the situation with him - but it could very well be with her.

 

He has told you that he has unresolved feelings for her - and you know what, it's better that you two aren't together at this point in time. I would hate to date someone who was still unsure about someone else. As for my situation, I had a very wonderful time with my boyfriend, but in the end he wasn't prepared to live up to the expectations I had of him. He spoke of marriage, but it scared him away. He started dating one of his friends, also a girl who had been relentlessly pursuing him for YEARS! According to his friends, he said he was with her because he was comfortable around her and she was "always around". Sounds like a friend to me.

 

I still have feelings for him. Very strong ones. He's been calling me, texting me, emailing me, writing me, etc. nonstop for a bit now. He asked me to have dinner when he comes home from school, etc. I don't know how I'm going to handle it. Anyway, my point is, depending on the breakup, sometimes feelings are still there.

 

You said that the final breakup between them was from her. He tried again to be with her, but she rejected him. It could be possible that did some damage to him - perhaps he came to some realizations and was not expecting to be shot down.

 

As for this other girl, I don't think her trying to get him back has anything to do with you *directly*, but I'm sure she's aware of you and I'm sure that might have influenced her decision to pursue him - seeing that he has moved on and wanting what she can't have, etc.

 

Are you still talking to this guy? You seem like a smart girl, be careful. I wouldn't dismiss the possibility that he'll be calling you again if things don't work out well with this gal.

[Tina smith]

The two of them broke up becasue she had a bunch of guy friends and I guess he couldnt handle it (she still to this day hangs out with lots of guys) But thats about all I know about the whole break up. He broke it off with her, then after a while tryed to get her back and yes, she flat out rejected him and said she no longer loved him. Thats another thing I dont understand. If she has moved on andis over him and no longer loves him.....why does she all of a sudden have these feelings 2.5 years later??!!

 

Definetly the last thing I want is a bf that has feelings (strong, unresolved feelings) for someone else.

 

I know it doesnt directly have anything to do with me, on either one of there parts. But more so I think that shes not a very nice person. I know personally I would not call up my ex....I know hes happy with his new girl and I want him to be happy more than anything. But I delt with those issues b4 I started dating again and got serious with anyone.

 

I know there is a chance that he could try to get me back......I really dont think that things will work out between them...but thats beside the point. I would love to have what we had back....but it would never be the same. Im strong and I wont take him back....I wont let him walk all over me. Thats for sure.

[brokenheartednow]

Hi there,

 

I'm glad you are sure of yourself and won't take him back. I think this girl called him back up b/c her and her b/f just broke up and she always thought he would be her fall back guy and if he broke up with you to try and even entertain that thought, he's in for a ride. I doubt she really cares about him so if they have any involvement it'll be short-lived and she'll probably kick him to the curb again like she did just a few years ago. Maybe when her ex comes back a-calling.

 

I know the curiosity will be there for you. I'd want to know why as well.