They all want my best friend. Advice?

[fluorescenta]

Hey everyone,

 

I'm a senior in high school. My best friend is a junior. She is BEAUTIFUL, she has a very pretty face, is tall, outgoing, funny, somewhat pushy yet she is sortof a player when it comes to guys. She has had MANY boyfriends and they don't last very long, and she is NOT a , she is conservative with clothing. They don't last long because she loses interest in them eventually I think, but I have the same problem. She is not a real player though, she is genuinely searching for a good relationship but cannot find anyone she likes enough. She is very good at manipulating people to get what she wants from them. She is nice. She is wise and good with people, yet not very academically intelligent or artistically creative. But I love her to death and would never choose a guy over her. She is very flirtatious.

I, on the other hand, have been told by many people how I am "goddess gorgeous and intelligent, with a perfect body." I say thank you but don't take it truthfully because I don't want it to get to my head. I'm more on the creative/artistic/academic/philosophical/introverted side, but I can also be very confident and funny and will pursue things if I really want them. I'm not very flirtatious because I have trouble finding a guy who I think is REALLY interesting, but when I do I am confident enough to go up and talk to them.

Honestly I am not jealous of her, I genuinely think she is beautiful and kind and deserves what she gets. But, I cannot help but feel a little put down when 90% of the guys we hangout with always want to be with her. She has a bit more experience (has been with more guys and is not a virgin) and focuses more on guys. I tend to focus more on school. But now I really like this guy and I can't help but hear that little voice say "Oh he probably wants my best friend more than me and is wishing he could be with her."

So, ultimately my question is what is wrong? Why are guys more drawn to my best friend? I do get a few guys to like me, but I can't help but keep thinking they just want to be with my best friend.

[missmarple]

You said it yourself. She focuses more on guys. Guys pick up on that and respond. Since you really like this guy, make sure you let your confident and funny self come out and show him you're interested (in a subtle way). Don't start off with negative thoughts...if you believe he won't like you, he probably won't. Confidence is key.

[NIN2000]

You are in high school. You haven't even begun to live.....

 

Continue to study hard and work to accomplish your academic goals. Your pretty friend who is also a "manipulator" will grow up to be a gold digger and an empty bimbo who's looks will eventually fade.

 

There is nothing wrong with you.

 

In addition, take it from a guy like myself who is much older than you. I look back at my high school years and the only thing that is important is the education that I got out of it. All of the good looking girls that everyone was after today are fat, ugly wrinkly old fungus who are nothing to rave about. Ironically, the girls that were simple ended up being very beautiful.

 

Regardless non of this is important. Soon you will be in college and closer to the real world.

 

Get your education and let the guys crave over your bimbo friend. Girls like that are nothing but "cotton candy". Once you try it you realize that they are shallow and empty.

[pl3asehelp]

What does she get that you envy? A large number of boring dead end relationships? Or the ability to manipulate men into getting what she wants? I'm not seeing anything positive her at all. You sound much better than her as you are.

[laninaperdida]

I understand where you're coming from completely!

I'm a lot older than you so I've had time to learn to adjust to this friendship dynamic more than once.

The good news is, this dynamic is going to work to your favour,

Your friend has instant appeal, but there's no substance.

I'm not putting her down or anything, but getting attention as a female is EASY.

Her "skills" will actually help you out.

In the end, people may be drawn to her, but because they'll get to know you through her you'll meet as many people as her without having to do any of the work.

Like you, I'm more introverted & the quality guy I've attracted over the years is excellent.

My flirty friends are always jealous I find these guys because in the end, no one wants a flirty girl.

Consider yourself her sidekick & I think things will work out for you.

They always have for me.

Eventually, you'll be the girl guys use your friend as a way to get close to you.

PM me anyrime.

I have so many little details to tell you,

[Thorshammer]

Well, looks will gather more attention. She sounds like a few of my ex's though.

 

I rarely say cute things on here, but... if a man likes you, he will only have eyes for you. Even though my ex was a knockout, we had our issues, and i had some really hot women trying to pull me away (where the f are they now!!!), i never looked their way. Dont think in terms of how hot someone looks, or even so much about what you offer in comparison to someone else to meet that special someone, think about forming a connection, because a real relationship is about forming a union with someone- your friend doesnt know about that because she hasnt found it, and its rubbing of on you because you are believing in traits of attraction, and not in connection. A real relationship is about connection, something you and someone else ONLY share, no one should have any power to influence that except you.

[fluorescenta]

Thanks so much this was really helpful. It's great to get advice from someone more experienced. I know what you mean, I wouldn't mind finding someone whose capable of keeping my interest but it's really hard at this age because the guys seem to be focused on one thing. For example at my school a guy liked two girls at once (me and someone else)--he really liked my personality, but the other was an easy sex object, so he chose the easy option. I completely agree it should be more focused around making a connection though, and not appearance. Thanks again.

[fluorescenta]

Thanks so much!!! This really helped, and now that I think about it, you're right!! It is easier for me to meet guys because of her, because she's so outgoing. I just hope a guy will come along sometime who is looking for a challenge, because at my age and school, the challenging girls get NO guys.

[fluorescenta]

Thanks for this reply it's great to hear from a guy's point of view. I agree with what you said. It'd just be nice to find someone who is actually intelligent enough to pursue a challenge, but at my age, guys are NOT looking for that. That's why I've never had a boyfriend. They're not interesting enough to me. Thanks again.

[Rotto]

I'll vouch for what Thorshammer said about how "if a man likes you, he will only have eyes for you".

 

When I was with my ex, I had a horde of insanely attractive girls after me, and I ignored them. I just wanted to be with her. Now that everything's over, just like Thorshammer I'm asking, "Where the eff are they now?!" Ha! Confidence through the means of body language is a real thing. Another topic for another time, I reckon.