I dont get my ex.

[Jayru]

Hey Guys,

 

I am not going to post the whole story behind my breakup (see my complete story in my post "Regret is the hardet pill to swallow")... but basically Im moving out with our 2 yr old daughter on Oct 1 after 8 yrs together. Its been a very hard month, seeing him everyday, acting so indifferent while I mope around the house.

 

I feel like such an idiot. We have been “friendly” all week. I have had a tough 2 days, crying a lot, I guess it’s a rollercoaster where some days are better than others. It actually changes from hour to hour.

 

Yesterday around lunch time I asked him if he could watch our daughter after work so that I can have coffee with a friend. He asked who and I said Giselle (my cousin Angel’s gf). He said of course. So I got home around 6:30 and he wasn’t home yet so I called him. He said he was still working but would be home soon.

 

Around 7 he arrived and I left. Well Giselle told me that he was at their house at 6:30! He was having dinner with them (my cousin Angel and him are best friends). And that he asked her with a smirk “Where you going?” And she was like you know where Im going, and that he was like “What are you going to talk about?” And she was like "Dude don’t play dumb".

And that Angel goes, “Why don’t u try therapy? U guys have a daughter dude.” And that he said “I don’t need it, im not the one with the issues.” to which Angel replied “You’re an idiot.”

 

My thing is- why did he lie when I called him? Why did he go over there knowing she was about to meet me? Why does he hang out with MY cousins every single day? It makes me feel a tiny bit better knowing he likes coming around my family. But it hurts also because I know one day it will stop, and It will most likely be when he meets someone new. Why can’t he just stop now?

 

Then today he woke up all chipper “Good morning!”…. I was like “Have a good day at work..” Then Im sitting here, dying because I think I have an ear infection, so I called him to ask if he can watch the baby if I go to the Dr tonight, and he is like “Yeah, u should go…but anyways I’m on a tight schedule so I have to go.” ???. He drives from house to house alone as a technician, he has an earpiece. Why all of the sudden is he too busy? I guess it’s my fault, when he would ask me to call him before I wouldn’t, I was too busy with work. And now the one time I call him he is too busy for me. I guess it’s too little too late. But even the other day he called me for some dumb reason and we ended up on the phone for an hour. He had gotten upset that I failed to tell him I took a female friend to a family this last saturday while he was out of town. He ended up saying sorry once we spoke about it.

 

Overall, I think the regret and guilt is killing me. Emotionally and physically. I have lost 5 pounds. I can’t afford to lose more.

I just dont know how to act around him. I cant wait to move out, but at the same time Im dreading the day I do, because I wont see him everyday, and part of me hopes that he will still change his mind.

[chai714]

Once you move out, you're going to need to cut contact with him as far as communication goes. I understand he'll want to visit his daughter but it's what way it goes until you heal up from the situation. Even though Angel is your cousin, you should limit talking to him and find a more neutral person or just post on the forum. It's good to have a friend to talk to, whose on your side and will just listen. In this case, he's your exes best friend so cut the talks with him.

 

Lastly, do whatever it takes to gather strength to move forward with your daughter. It's fine and completely normal to cry, break down, and experience a roller coaster of emotions. In this circumstance, try to make things civil (not friendly, just civil) with your ex until you move out. Once you move out, you can then move forward with your life. Best of luck.

[john45]

Its horrible being in a break-up situation, especially when you're still sharing a house.

 

It sounds like he's playing games with you too, and not being reliable about babysitting the daughter you had together.

 

Emotionally, you are both probably going through all sorts of things in different ways. I get tempted to talk about emotions and feelings a lot, but this post.... I wanted to try and answer in a different way, because it struck me that practicalities are pretty important at the moment.

 

Why not

- arrange consistent/regular times when he looks after your daughter. He should not lie about being at work when he doesn't turn up if he's doing something else instead.

- find if there's someone else who can help babysit if you want to go out for a few hours? If you have someone else reliable, it gives you something you can count on, and it will also send a message to your partner, that you're capable of reliably looking after your daughter, and don't just have to ask him.

- arrange a routine, so you have a basic split of when your daughter is being looked after by you, and when she is being looked after by Dad? It doesn't necessarily have to be 50/50, but the expectation is that your daughter has decent, reliable, regular contact with both of you, that can be part of a routine and it only gets adjusted where there are proper, honest reasons for it to need adjusting.

 

It's tough for you now.

 

It's also going to be tough for you on Oct 1st when you move out. Its going to be different. Keep posting on here, and try to have a bit of a routine setup before you move, so you have something in place, and something you can build from.

 

Good luck and take care.

[Ms Darcy]

Agree that he's playing games.

 

On a side note ... why in the heck is it called "babysitting"?!? This is his child too. He is caretaking, as he should be ... in coordination with you.

[Jayru]

I thought I had replied but it is not showing up

 

From reading on here and other articles online, I know the best way to heal from break up is through NC. It will be hard becasue of our daughter... but I will try to keep it strictly about her and only communicate when we meet to pick her up/drop her off. Its just torture right now becasue we live together...

 

This weekend he didnt sleep at the house Fri or Sat night. He ignored my texts asking where he was. But then Sat morning and Sun morning he calls me to "see how the baby is doing" and then makes small talk. I try not to go off on him about where he was since its not my place anymore, but it is so frustrating!!!

 

He ended up telling me after the fact that he slept at his sister's house. I think he is doing it to push my buttons becasue he knows I am probably driving myself crazy wondering where he is.

[Jayru]

He is playing games!! He purposely doesnt come home weekend nights because he knows I go crazy thinking about where he could be and with who.

 

Sat night I made dinner plans with a girlfriend, so I asked my mom to watch the baby. He was home while I was getting ready around 8pm. He asked if I needed him to watch the baby and I said "No, its ok." I didnt get home until 1am and he was gone. I asked him where he was and he said "Its not your place to ask anymore, but where were you, you came home late?" I cried all night.

 

Then he calls me sunday morning as if nothing is wrong! My sister (who rents a room from us) THEN told me that he didnt leave the house until midnight and told her he was sleeping at his sisters. So basically he saw that I wasnt home, so he wanted to make me upset and left the house just so I would be up wondering where he was.

 

This is literally killing me. I cant sleep, eat, work, nothing. I dont watch TV. I dont do anything but hang out with my daughter hoping he will come home soon so we can have a few moments as a family before I move out.