Jayru

Ugh I feel stupid. Why do you call me every morning only to ignore me for the rest of the day???? Then I text you, thinking you would respond, cuz hey you have been calling me and this week you have been sleeping in the bed with me. But no, one hour later you havent, and I know you have read it because you have been on FB, so I know you are on your phone. I guess this will all be on your terms. I feel so guilty about taking you for granted that I am allowing you to do as you please right now. Get my hopes up one day only to smash them the next by saying "I love you but I am not IN love with you." What is going on in your head??? Do you WANT me to leave you alone? If so, why do you call me every morning? Why do you question me when I dont answer? How do I act? I dont know how to navigate this road. We have a baby, you say you want me to be on my own to appreciate you, I can, and I will....but these mind games are killing me.

I had a rough morning and was doing better this afternoon. Until you text me only to complain about my sister. I get it, it was a mistake letting her move in. I regret alot of things. And then I replied like an idiot to you... to let you know I understood why you are annoyed... and then you reply with emoticons?? I dont even deserve words anymore??? I am so hurt, annoyed, angry. Why????? Why cant you love me unconditionally like I loved you. Why cant you forgive me like I have forgiven you. You never have had to fight for me. I may have made mistakes, but you knew I would never leave you. Why are you trying to place all the blame on me??? I cannot just forget all the pain you caused me in the first 5 years, even though you say that nothing matters before the baby was born. It does matter. I cried those tears for you, I cried and always begged you to come back after you wronged me. Why cant you do the same??? Why am I the bad guy??