Need advice ASAP

[StillLoveHer]

Welp here is my story. I'm male, been married to my wife for 1 and a half years, we have been together for over 4 years, we have a 8 month old child. My wife resently moved out, before she moved out she started sleeping on the couch. Not having much sex, was working all the time. (I know she was working because its right down the street) I thought to myself that she was cheating on me. Well after she left she didn't have any contact with me for 2 weeks, She didn't even tell me where our daughter was. After two weeks she showed up at our house, I gave her our mini van, since that day (4 days ago) She comes by every day, We talk and I spend time with our daughter. I still love her very very much. We decided that we want to work things out. I figured that everything was my fault, was was constaintly on the computer more than spending time with her. Since I realized that I sold all my computers. But just last night she told me that she cheated on me. In our own house, she got pregnent but had a miscarrage. She said that she didn't deserve someone like me. I told her that I love her and that I could forget about that, I got every little detail about what happened. That night we kissed for the first time in 3 weeks. But then she left to go back to the new place she lives, I was again heart broken. I'm willing to forgive her but I need to know what she wants, if she wants to work it out or if she doesn't. I also have to think about our daughter. What she told me constaintly runs through my head, I don't know what to do.. I need advice PLEASE HELP.. I still love this woman and I feel she loves me

[Ambie]

three words: TALK TO HER

[cs20thcenturyfox]

Hello StillLoveHer,

 

I agree with Ambie, you should talk to her. I'm in a similar position, except I didn't cheat on my ex. He was on the puter way too much and when I moved out of our apartment, he's begging me back saying he'd smash the puter to bits as long as me and our son come back to him. So I really give you credit for selling those puters. Now, you have either forgive or forget about her cheating. I know it's hard, but if ou really love her you'll find a way to do it. Good luck 8) .

[StillLoveHer]

Thanks for the advice, On another note. I realized that stuff doesn't add up. She has been a compolsive liar since she was young, I've delt with it, she likes to tell me what I want to hear. The date she said she cheated she wasn't even fertile on that day, a couple other things don't add up.. I've even wrote things down on paper that just don't make sense.. I now know why she has been acting the way she has been and if she cheated, I know why.. She resently started this new job, she gets alot of attention from these people.. I've realized that spending time on the computer I haven't been giving her the attention she needs.. But why would she tell me she cheated when she didn't? I seriously don't believe that she cheated on me, its not denial. Maybe she wanted to know my reaction to see if I would still love her, or maybe she was looking for an easy way out of our marraige. I know her moral values, I know everything about her.. Anyway.. I just gave up my online business today, and i'm altering my work schedule to get an extra 30 minute at home.. if she ever comes home.. I'm trying to show her that I need nothing but her and my daughter to be happy.. It took this for me to realize what is really important in my life.. I don't want to give up on her.. I love her so..

[StillLoveHer]

I do know her very well.. I sold the computers and got rid of the business for myself first of all. I would come home and sit infront the computers. I stopped caring about my health, didn't take showers for days. Ignored my daughter.. I can't wait to get home to see if she is there, I really hope she is. I have never felt this way about ANYONE before.. Maybe she did cheat on me.. But I don't think the time and date was correct. She may not be telling me the truth about that so It doesn't hurt me more..

[Ambie]

dont worry, what she did was in the past, this is now... my grams taught me that it doesn't matter who i was, only who i am. it seems like this is hurting you. take care of your daughter... she needs you... i know... i've never met my father... he left when i was really young. he & my mom had never even gotten married, just kind of a fling, ya know. things like that happen. it's better for your daugter to have you in her life.

[sisterlynch]

I think if you and she could go to counseling you could work through some of the details of your lives together. You never cheated and whether she did or didn't doesn't make much difference in the long run as long as things get back to normal as quick as possible.

 

When she comes back treat her like a princess. She probably will need counseling on her own to get over the problems that she is causing. She needs help and support.

 

You both need to agree to shut the door on the past and live in the present and future together.

 

Be positive and supportive with her, that is all that she needs and should want.

[Ambie]

sisterlynch is right, counseling might help, but you should still rely on yourselves to work things out.

[StillLoveHer]

Well I talked to her again last night, I got to see our baby I think I know one more of her problems. First she is only 20, a little immature but that doesn't bother me, I'm only 21, I've had my fun my parties with my friends and my freedom. When I married her I was completely ready to settle down. When she started this job (KFC) she made some new friends, Now I think she is enjoying her freedom, She gets her paycheck and blows the whole thing.. Hell, the last couple nights she kept saying how Wasted shes going to get tonight with her friends. Now i've always encourged her to go out more when we where together because I knew she was tired of staying at home. Now she has that freedom, however shes not even responsible enough to keep money for gas as I had her give her gas money last night. I think this is the reason shes not back with me yet. She likes her freedom, being able to do anything she wants and not have to answer to anyone. I'm wondering what is going to happen since next week she won't have a baby sitter anymore since one of her friends that watches our child has to go back to work. OH by the way, her friends shes living with she claims are gay.. Even if they arn't gay, they sure the hell arn't her type.. I've been trying to treat her like a queen the last couple of days. I really don't think that she knows what she wants right now..

[StillLoveHer]

OH, on another note she was on a type of Post Pardum depression pills about two months ago.. During that time we had the best marriage possible, It was really great. She didn't yell or anything, she was making wise decisions. It was very nice.. Is there anyway I can "SUGGEST" that she gets back on these without causing many problems? And when I told her I gave up my business for ME and "US" so we could spend more time together as a family, all she could say was "But thats your life, why ruin YOUR life" When she comes over she says stuff like "Can I use your bathroom" or "Do we have any, I mean do You have any" or "Your shampoo". Last night refereing to our daughter she said "OK sweetie lets go home" I quickly said " THAT IS NOT HER HOME, THIS IS HER HOME, THIS IS YOUR HOME, that is where you are just staying right now". She never responded. to my statement.. Sorry for babling on about things, it helps alot to talk about it... Thanks for listening..

[Ambie]

Dont worry, things WILL work out. give her some time to realize where she belongs, even if it is not with you. i know you dont want to hear that, but you shouldnt worry. if she decided to marry you in the first place and then have a kid (or vise versa) then chances are that she loves you & that she will stay with you/ come back home. about the meds... just bring up the subject ask her how she felt on & off of the medicine. what she says might change your mind about her being on them, or it might spark a new conversation & you can talk to her & tell her that you thought she was... um... in better control when she was on the medication. but dont be pushy about it, dont even raise your voice, just talk to her... calmly.

then again you might not want to take advice from a teenager... but my mom has had problems with the guy that she is in a relationship with right now... i gave her advice & they have been together for almost 4 years & they are gonna get married soon. oh yeah... dont jump into anything, but be open to any of her ideas & REALLY listen to what she has to say. Ambie

[StillLoveHer]

Well, I just seen her this morning because I kept our baby overnight, It seems she didn't party last night, she just went out with a bunch of friends and walked around stores until really late.. Seems like she is having fun.. I'll let her have her fun for right now, we got married young and she never really had a chance to just hang out with friends. Maybe she will figure out what she really wants.. A life of partying or a family life.. I can't really tell if she is cheating or not because It seems like its just me being jeolus.. I rushed to the hospital last night cause my wife called and said she took her to the emergency room because she wouldn't stop crying and started having breathing problems.. Like I needed something more to add stress to my life.. She is doing ok right now.. Usually I can read my wife like a book, right now I can't and that is scaring me, it scares me cause she still tells me she loves me but I can't tell if she loves anyone else or not.. Jeezz look i'm babling again

[sisterlynch]

Try and get her to counseling, she doesn't need to be out running around and leaving you with a sick baby. She needs to settle down and do the right thing. Just like you are.

[StillLoveHer]

heh, just when I thought things where getting better. We have been going places, doing lots of things, we where talking alot. Hell the last two days besides yesterday we've even had sex.. The other night however she told me first thing "NO HICKIES" not even where people can't see.. She says she doesn't like them anymore heh.. OK fine.. Well, the nights we where having sex right afterwards she left.. WTF.. yesterday she was there when I got home from work.. We where going to go look at apartments, well we couldn't look at them until thursday because they where so busy.. She had no gas, I put gas in her gas tank, replaced a couple broken fuses to fix her radio and even bought her something to drink.. On the way back to my house she said she needed a can of cream of chicken soup.. I thought she was going to fix me dinner.. NOPE she said she was going to go home, eat and go to sleep.. It was like 6:00 in the evening.. I finnally got out of her that she was going to be cooking for a group of people, she got the cream of chicken soup 3 cans.. I was pissed at this point and told her all I want to do is spend time with her.. She said tomorrow i'll come and make you dinner.. I told her not to bother just to leave. She left with our daughter, came back without her cause she needed a pan.. I let her take it. I asked her to come in and talk with me.. She called me an asshole, I told her that she'll get the divorce papers in the mail.. she told me not to threaten her..

 

Sounds to me like this bitch is trying to get her cake and eat it to if you know what I mean... I felt used, like she used me to get gas in her van because after that she just wanted to go home.. I'm so damn sick of this shit.. It wouldn't be so bad if she would of just stayed gone and gotten out of my damn life.. she came back and I hang on... I'm tired of hanging on, its time to let go.. I'll get visitation with my daughter and find someone that respects me and is more mature..

[sisterlynch]

It seems as if she has very little concern over your feelings, and she is treating you wrong, why do you think that she is doing all this? Has she always been this independent?

[StillLoveHer]

She has NEVER been independent.. She has always relyed on me for everything.. This is her first job in like 3 years... Obvoisly she is seeing someone else..

[StillLoveHer]

Heh, talked to her last night, she actually invited me to the place she is living (the guys that live there weren't home.) I remind you that I have a restraining order saying I can't be around her or the place she lives.. Anyway I went over we had our words with each other (she has an anger problem) so I was the one that gave in like usual... I ended up staying there until 12:30 am just talking. Thats fine I love to talk to her.. but there is this tiny little voice in the back of my head telling me something isn't right.. One thing that really gets to me is this chuck guy, He just turned 19, No license works at KFC with her. She talks about him all the time.. He has long hair, really nasty looking person.. I know she still loves me.. That guy isn't even her type. She would never be with someone younger than her, she Hates guys with long hair.. I don't know why i'm thinking about it.. But its bothering me. Really if it wasn't for him I would be ok with the whole not living with me thing.. am I just being jeolus or something?

[StillLoveHer]

Heh, I met her friends last night.. The one guy chuck seems like a pretty good guy, I believe he has no feelings for my wife at all... HOWEVER my wife on the other hand was nothing but a flirt... Usually she flirts, but this time she totally ignored me.. When I was leaving I told her I love her. Her friends where there.. She basically shrugged it off, I told her I love her again she said shes not feeling good, I told her again, she said that she was tired and wanted to go to bed.. I told her over and over. about 15 times that I loved her, Once she did whisper it to me, and she started saying I was pressuring her into saying it..

 

 

My daughter was sick last night.. with a 103 temp. we took her to the hospital. She has a really bad diaper rash and has lost weight, she weighs less now than when she was living with me. I'm leaving work early to go pick her up and take her to the doctor because my wife is working, I think i'll have a chat with her other friend.. They are really good people and basically felt sorry for her so they let her move in.

 

At the hospital the chuck guy really respected me, we went outside to smoke and chatted alot. My wife was basically acting like a B. I. T. C. H..

 

The restraining order should be up today or monday.. I need to contact my lawyer to see what would be the best way to get my daughter so that she is healthy again

[CrashNBurn]

Okay I am so not trying to be rude, but your lady sound like she is whack! Any one who needs that much attention surley has low self esteem issues. For your childs sake, please get her some therapy. She is not ready for a marraige nor child, she is out of High School am I right? but for some reason she is acting like a HS girl. It seems she has a lot of self awarness to do. Therapy would be my advice.