What does "dating" mean to you?

[Ladytmt]

So I've tried to date since my ex cheated and left me for the girl 2 years ago and it has not had good results. Why are the ones u are attracted to either to busy or they don't seem attracted to u and vice versa? Or why does it seem everyone just wants sex or wants u over at their house or wants to be invited to yours ?

I went on 2 dates with a guy and on the second date he asked if i packed an overnight bag? Im like what!? For what!? Then since that didn't work he asked if i wanted to come over for a drink? I mean does anyone find this normal? I personally want to date and spend as much time outside of a house with someone before i pack an overnight bag!! Am i ridiculous for that?? I just feel i need to protect myself from people like my ex or those who only want one thing. My ex hurt me badly and i don't ever want to experience that again!!! But its like after 1 or 2 dates they expect u at their houses.. Why is that!? And they seem hurt if u tell them no i'm going home!!! I had one guy to stop talking to me totally because i wouldn't go home with him after 1 cheap date!!! If thats the case maybe i should buy my own food! Help i need advice!! Im not one to have random casual sex so is this what so called dating has become!?

Sometimes i get so angry and cry because my ex left me and now i to have to go into the dating world... I hate him.

[David Mac]

Its great you can sieve through the plankton, Don't ever let go of that. You'll meet a guy who is willing to get to know yu, but then be prepared he might nee guidance in knowing when you're good to go.

[missmarple]

Dating is something different to everyone. As for myself, I totally agree with you. There's no way I'm going to someone's house or even consider sleeping with them after 1 or 2 dates. Another girl I know, on the other hand, does the online dating thing by starting with sex..first she 'checks the guy out' as she says on cam, (naked) body and everything, and then they meet, have sex and if she likes him/it enough, she continues dating him. Sounds crazy to me but that's what 'dating' means to her. It's up to everyone what they make of dating..what I do, is from the first date with someone I set down some ground rules so they know what they can and can't expect from me and if we see things different, goodbye and no harm done.

[Kendahke]

I completely know what you're going through. It's been my same experience. I've gone through my resentment of my ex for leaving me.

 

What I've been finding out is that there are a bunch of cheap men out there who are bitter and damaged and feel that they should get maximum reward for minimum effort and you know what? That's why they're alone. No woman of substance is going to tolerate that behavior or those expectations. At the end of the day, they do not have anything of worth to offer to any woman except those who have such a slender consideration for themselves that they would jump at the chance to screw a man they barely knew at his house on the second date. Yes there are some women out there out to use them up sexually and more power to them. I ain't one of those gals and guys who expect me to be like one of those gals get dropped on their heads.

 

Unfortunately, you're going to have to cull a bunch of toads in order to find your prince.

[Ladytmt]

Dating is something different to everyone. As for myself, I totally agree with you. There's no way I'm going to someone's house or even consider sleeping with them after 1 or 2 dates. Another girl I know, on the other hand, does the online dating thing by starting with sex..first she 'checks the guy out' as she says on cam, (naked) body and everything, and then they meet, have sex and if she likes him/it enough, she continues dating him. Sounds crazy to me but that's what 'dating' means to her. It's up to everyone what they make of dating..what I do, is from the first date with someone I set down some ground rules so they know what they can and can't expect from me and if we see things different, goodbye and no harm done.

 

Wow, i bet men love that girl you're speaking of. I can never do that.. i'd feel so empty afterwards. I just feel like if a guy is trying to get u over to his place even if he says its to watch a movie i feel he is gonna try something. I've tried the online dating as well. There was a guy i went to lunch with we set up this date online never exchanged numbers at all, we had a nice time and he continued messaging me on the dating site but never asked for my number. Then he threw this hint about coming over to my house to watch a movie., im like really!!!!! U never asked for my number so how can u have rhe guts to ask for my address...

[missmarple]

Wow, i bet men love that girl you're speaking of.

 

Well, she's still on that site so I don't think so. She told me she's met 2 guys and slept with them but nothing came out of it. I've met a couple guys, didn't sleep with them and nothing came out of it either I think it's a combination of luck and timing.

[Ladytmt]

U make some very good points and i agree with u 100%!!! Its really ridiculous though and its priceless how someone can get mad that u don't want to screw them after they spend a few dollars or have the nerve to say you're not attracted to them.. I'm like dude i barely know u!!!

[Ladytmt]

Well, she's still on that site so I don't think so. She told me she's met 2 guys and slept with them but nothing came out of it. I've met a couple guys, didn't sleep with them and nothing came out of it either I think it's a combination of luck and timing.

 

Yeah, i just can't give it up that easy. This guy that i went on the second date with asked if he could pick me up or said we could leave from his place... i said no i will meet u at the movie. so i guess since i wouldn't come before he'd try to get me to come over afterwards! lol! i just think that is way to soon. Some men say they want a classy woman, one who doesn't dress provocatively and one who's not a or easy. Im like sorry i have a hard time believing that because it seems like i see the opposite.

[Ladytmt]

Its great you can sieve through the plankton, Don't ever let go of that. You'll meet a guy who is willing to get to know yu, but then be prepared he might nee guidance in knowing when you're good to go.

 

Its hard sieving through the plankton. I'm about ready to give up. It seems to fall in some people's laps and the rest of us it seems have to go through hell to find it.

[Kendahke]

Its hard sieving through the plankton. I'm about ready to give up. It seems to fall in some people's laps and the rest of us it seems have to go through hell to find it.

 

you know what? It really boils down to it being a numbers game. I've been trying online dating for about 2 1/2 years now.

 

Doing the online dating can be such a chore to wade through the numbers. Then you think you've found someone who is promising, you talk to them for a week or two then go out on a first date and there are more red flags flying than in a May Day parade. Ugh! I had that experience about 2 weeks ago. The next day, I went out for coffee with a guy who was nice but had no ambition and wasn't my type. Then yesterday, I went out for a first meeting with someone new and he knocked my socks off!! He even called me last night before I went to bed to tell me he got my text thanking him and what a great time I had and hoped to see him soon and he said he felt the same way. So, it's really a numbers game. Like I said, you've got to cull a bunch of toads to get to the prince.

 

Hold your nose if you have to, but eventually, you're guy will appear.

[Blue Spiral]

U make some very good points and i agree with u 100%!!! Its really ridiculous though and its priceless how someone can get mad that u don't want to screw them after they spend a few dollars or have the nerve to say you're not attracted to them.. I'm like dude i barely know u!!!

 

For a lot of men--myself included--"knowing someone" and "wanting to sleep with someone" don't have a whole lot to do with each other. The more I get to know a woman, the less I want to sleep with her, usually.

 

To answer your question...to me, dating is something ridiculous and completely irrelevant to my life. I've never done it or had the urge to do it. I've had people try to explain the concept to me, but I just can't wrap my mind around it, because I don't understand what the point is. (From men's point of view, anyway--from women's point of view, I can absolutely understand what the point is.)

[Me82]

I think most guys wants the game. I've been doing online dating for a few months, and its been this pattern:

- I like the guy, he invites me 2 or 3 dates, then disappear.

- I don't like the guy, he chases me like crazy, text and call even though I never replied.

 

What's up with that?

Tonight I decided to give a second chance to a guy I didn't like and ignored him a few times, but I bet in a few dates he will disappear since he thinks he "already got me".

[leila]

Basically, there are no dating rules, which is annoying and frustrating for everyone. Does your profile online make it super-clear that you are not looking for sex in the first few dates? Because I feel like most guys are going to give it a shot if they're attracted to you, but if you're consistently pulling guys who are sleazy jerks about it, it makes me wonder if you're sending signals you don't know you're sending, or making the wrong choices about the guys you go out with in the first place.

 

I know that sounds dangerously close to -shaming and blaming the victim, and I so do not mean that! You deserve to be treated with respect no matter what! But if this keeps happening, it's something to think about. Also, I don't know what race you are, but I find that my friends who are not white get a lot more of this garbage than I do (I'm white). And I have no idea what to do about that except be angry.

 

On the guy side of the equation, are you picking really good looking player-type guys? Because they may just expect to get girls into bed right away because they are hot. Less obviously great-looking/charming guys might not be as fun on the first date, but could be more respectful and better relationship material in the end.

 

In any case, it doesn't matter what "dating" means, or what other people expect from it. You know exactly what you want, and you should demand it. And if guys are jerks about it, that's on them.

 

Good luck!