I'm not sure I've healed...

[Ladytmt]

Its been 2 long years and i do not think i've healed from the bad relationship break up where i caught my ex in bed with another girl. She was fully dressed, he was in shorts only and they were in his bed watching tv. i could not confirm if they had sex or not. Last i heard they were engaged but i'm not sure if they got married yet. I felt like an idiot because he told me he didn't sleep with her so i stayed with him only for him to leave me a month later saying he needed space. But i knew this was his way of leaving me for her... And it was. Now 2 years later at times i still feel angry and like I'm not good enough for anyone. i've tried to date.. but i have this mindset that I'm wasting my time because all men will leave or have another woman stashed away. I don't know how to get rid of these thoughts and i hate it, but i just still feel so angry and betrayed. Some days are better than others. But when i feel like i have no one i start thinking about what he did to me all over again. I feel like i suffered long enough and still am somewhat while he's off in la la land. Not sure what to do anymore, any advice.

[ChellyV]

Yes it is tough, specially under the circumstances that you "found" them. Have you ever sought grief counselling, or celebrate recovery? Did you ever have a chance to talk to someone about it? Or even to him? It took me years to recover from mine and a lot of anger in the process until I got tired of feeling that way, as I am not a typically angry person.

[Ladytmt]

Yes it is tough, specially under the circumstances that you "found" them. Have you ever sought grief counselling, or celebrate recovery? Did you ever have a chance to talk to someone about it? Or even to him? It took me years to recover from mine and a lot of anger in the process until I got tired of feeling that way, as I am not a typically angry person.

 

 

Sorry but i've been in and out of counseling. Talking to him is not an option. I did that so much that he and his new girl got me fired from my old job last year.

[SapphireNoir10]

You just need to stop thinking about them.

 

A good and decent person would not do what he did to you. Only a good, decent and trustworth man is worth your time and attention.

 

All she has is a man that cheated on potentially and left his girlfriend for her. A relationship built on infidelity is not one I'd want to be in personally and I don't see it ending well in the long run. I imagine she might wonder if he'll do it to her someday.

 

You deserve better than someone that would do this.

 

I know it's easy to say and harder to get over than I'm making out...but you just need to believe in yourself and self worth. Not everyone cheats. Not everyone leaves someone for someone else.

 

The only want to live is to live each day as it comes, enjoy the moment. There is no point of getting into a relationship and worrying about the future. no one knows what it holds. I just cherish each day. I mean, I could get hit by a bus, or the world could implode...tomorrow is never guaranteed so why worry about it TOO much?

[emma34]

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I can relate...had an ex leave me for another woman, they are now married. I can't believe how it would feel though to physically catch them...how heart breaking. I don't really have much for advice other than stay strong, try not to think about it, and keep truckin....what worked for me I think was that after that relationship ended, I didn't see it as "he left me for another woman" and I didn't really tell people that. I just said "we broke up" and I told myself it was just because we were not compatible enough, which was the truth considering he was more compatible with the other woman...perhaps you could try that perspective...don't think about her, that will only make things harder.

[Ladytmt]

Thanks for your reply. It helps. I don't know why i feel like im in such a bad place today. I just feel low and i keep thinking about what he did.

[Ladytmt]

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I can relate...had an ex leave me for another woman, they are now married. I can't believe how it would feel though to physically catch them...how heart breaking. I don't really have much for advice other than stay strong, try not to think about it, and keep truckin....what worked for me I think was that after that relationship ended, I didn't see it as "he left me for another woman" and I didn't really tell people that. I just said "we broke up" and I told myself it was just because we were not compatible enough, which was the truth considering he was more compatible with the other woman...perhaps you could try that perspective...don't think about her, that will only make things harder.

 

I've tried thinking of it that way but i end up thinking she was better than me so he chose her. She knew i was in the picture or maybe he told her he had already left me when i caught them so maybe she really thought i was his ex i don't know but i can bet he lied to her about who i really was.

[gardnergirl2]

I can identify. It's been almost 2 years since my break up, and really, although the pain has disapated ( thank god), I still hurt. Mine was living with the new one 3 weeks after the breakup so you might as well say he left me for another. It tore my heart up......sad thing is, I still miss him as a " friend" , but I tell myself that he wasn't a real friend. He was a traitor and a fare weather friend at best.

I even wondered to myself today if I have mental,problems bc he still comes to my mind every single day. It's so frustrating. He is still w her as far as I knw, but I have heard he's not happy. Sometimes I take co fort thinking e made his bed hard, and is now sleeping in it.