EX is killing me with News

[titan]

Ok so the story is i went out with this girl for 2years 8months We broke and see was always saying we will get back togehter. During the 2 years and 8 months we never actually had sex, i don't know why, it would have been her first, i have had sex before. We never did i guess i was trying to make it so special that i sort of put it off way to long.

 

During the break i found out that she slept with a guy she didn't even know and has now lost her virginity and now wants to get back together. i mean i was really patient and didn't push and she goes and sleeps with the first guy that shows an interest and now wants to get back with me. I was planning a romantic weekend because we were going to get back together, but now i really cut and don't know what to tell her.

 

i want her back but my brain keeps rejecting the notion. She says it has made her realise how special i was and how good our relationship was.

 

So confused, i know i can probably get over this and be happy with her but i will never forgive.

[Phoenix Down]

Dont let that get you down. But we all mkake mistakes. If you have feelings for her still, give it a shot. It's better to regret something you have done, than something you havent done. I hoped I helped. PD

[titan]

yeah sounds easy enough, i guess after while the hurt and pain will go away.

 

Thanks dude

[emma34]

i agree. give her a chance. altho it may not seem like it right now she obviously cares for you very much. she will probably have a good reason to tell you if you ask what made her do it with him and not you.

[titan]

well she did, i was the one saying no. She said i kept putting it off it sort of killed the relationship.

[hypatia]

In Annie Hall, Woody Allen says that a relationship is like a shark--it has to keep moving or else it dies. Maybe she didn't think things are moving.

 

More importantly, it doesn't matter if someone else had her body, it is you who she says has her heart. If you really honestly love the other person, it doesn't matter if they were with others while you were apart. You don't judge them for it, but try to understand them. She broke no promise to you, since you were apart then.

 

Appreciate that her experience made her realize how much she cares for you, and if you still love her, don't let the fact that she had sex with someone else stop you from inviting her back into your life.

[titan]

it wasn't just sex it was her first time, i mean 3 years didn't even buy 15 weeks of loyaltly.

[rnorth]

You HAVE to forgive then forget. When people get out of a relationship, they often feel needy. This is what happened to your girl. She probably regrets it more than you will ever realize.

 

Focus only on your good times together and why you love her. For perspective, rent and watch the movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind". Its powerful. The message is that no bad experience is worth losing true love. If thats what you believe you have, go for it.

 

She did not cheat on you. So get over it. You are the one she wants. Remember why you love her. And hold to those loving feelings.

[titan]

yeah i have seen this movie. While i am hurting pretty bad now i hope i can forgive but i really don't think i will, i know i can but i guess i won't really know until i see her again.

[Phoenix Down]

Trust me guy, you're in a much better way than most of us here. Sex is almost like shaking hands with someone. It's just two bodies making contact. The moment was there but you now have the chance to make all new momemts. The past is just that , the past. She seems like she's learned from this. We all make mistakes. If we didn't life would be boring and we wouldent learn anything. At least anything that experence can teach us. The quiet lesson that yells in our minds. Give her a chance.

[titan]

ok i will try we are meeting in about 1 hour, i don't really know what to say to her.

[Phoenix Down]

Just be you. And try not to bring up the sex thing. I know it hurts man but it something that cant be changed. Look at what can.

[titan]

ok just got back and it damn weird, i mean i had so many questions but didn't ask it was pretty good, but i know how girls get attached to the first guy they sleep with. I'm worried she will try to make it work with him no matter what, rather than me for that reason alone.

[Phoenix Down]

It's so strange how we dont notice things about our selves n-till we see it in someone else. I know what your doing. (I think ) In your mind it seems like any and every bad thing that could happen can and will happen. She doesn't like the other guy. Something must have gone very wrong. If you keep building walls and walls of of negitive thoughts you both will never reach each other. That invisable field of anti trust and endless qustions about the dude who slept with her will be the very thing that keeps you two from finding one another. If you want to start things over with your ex, then do just that. Start over, new everything, let the past be the past and look ahead to what will and could be. But you have to rid these thoughts from your sub conscious. All it will do is drain you. I know it's hard, but atleast try. Good luck PD