3 months later and I am devastated

[koline]

Hi everyone,

 

First of all I hope you apologize my english, but I am french and currently living in a spanish-speaking country, so I forgot a bit my english classes..Anyway I will try to make my story clear.

 

So I lived a 3 years relationship with a wonderful guy that I assumed, was the man of my life. I had boyfriends before him, but none could make me feel how he was making me feel. Last year, as he comes from south america, I decided to move there, we started living together, I found a great job, and we had a great relationship, no fight, everything was OK.

 

He was having a hard time finding an interesting job but finally got it in May, and as it was our major problem at that time, I was sure that everyting could only change for the better. Well, everything changed but for the worst.

 

In July he started having doubts about us, about his feelings and was not sure then to be willing to commit in a long term. He finally dumped me in August and moved out our apartment, and left telling me maybe in a few monts, let's see what happens.

 

I was devastated but I quickly started to heal, because without admit it, I was hoping this would be a kind of commitment crisis and that he would come back, with time. I did no contact the whole time (3 months), but he recently called me for my birthday and we decided to meet for a coffee.

 

That was yesterday, and one of the worst moment in my life. He told me that he wanted to make clear that he would not come back, that he thought he had made the right decision and finally that he was currently "seeing someone". I was out of breath and it was like a wall falling on me.. He told me he wanted to be honest, and that he hpode we could be friends, of course I said no! How can he be so blind and not see how horrible this whole conversation would be for me? I did not contact him, why calling me to telle me such a thing?

 

I am so desesperate right now, I do not know what to do to stop that incredible pain I feel. It is like my world is over. My family lives in France and the only thing I can do for support is call them and cry.

 

How do you guys make it in this situation? I am usually a strong person but now I feel I just can not make it, I can not stop crying, and I hate everything. If you have been through that please help me I really need it,

Thanks.

[CarterJonas]

Well I don't think that this guy has been fair with you. Ok he has told you that he is now, after three months seeing someone else, but bear in mind that you have moved from France? to South America to live with him, only for this to happen after six months.

 

Concentrate on yourself at this time. Speak to your friends and family. When things have calmed down a little you can decide whether you want to continue living there or moving back to your family. I wouldn't bother with this person, what comes around goes around.

 

All I can say that it gets easier and better with time

 

goodluck

[koline]

Thanks for the advice CarterJonas. Actually I am so sad that I know I would not make any good decision right now so it is too soon to decide if I should come back to France.

 

What bothers me most is that I have a great job here, so I would lose this opportunity if I decide to give up and come back. But it is so dificult. My mother keeps telling me I should come back, and I feel so alone here..I have good friends but mainly couples, they have their lifes and currently mine is broken.

 

I wonder what did I do to live that? How could that happen to me? I was so sure we were meant to be..and now it is so over.

Sorry for being negative and sad on this post, but right now I just can not help it.

[CarterJonas]

You can be assured that this does happen to quite a few people. I have been broken up for a while now and my life has been getting back on track lately, so you can take some comfort in the fact that it will get better.

 

I also wandered why it happened to me as well, since I have not hurt another single soul in my life! I guess that life throws us a challenge from time to time.

 

I wouldn't make a decision at the moment about whether to return to France. It is natural that your mother wants you back home, but believe me it is something that you can get through yourself, albeit with a little telephone support Give it a few months to see how you feel before making this decision and concentrate on getting yourself to feel better at the moment. Remember that you can always jump on a plane if you feel that you need to get home.

 

Don't worry about your English, it is perfectly clear and understandable. A lot of people posting here has it as a second language, including myself.

 

goodluck

[Marketa]

I think you need to decide where you would be happier living, if the only reason you are there is because of him and its over and you had a good life in France maybe it would be best for you to move home so you can be rid of this terrible memory and get on with your life. Dont stay hoping he will come back, only stay if you love it there.

 

You are very brave to move to a different country for LOVE and I am sure when its right you will find the love of a lifetime.

 

Dont despair.

[Foz]

Hi Koline,

 

I couldnt believe it when i was reading your post, the same thing happened to me i was with my boyfriend for 3 years living together for 2 and he started having doubts about our long term future, unfortunately he never discussed them with me he just moved everything out of our apartment while i was away on a business trip. He collected me from the airport, told me he didnt think he wanted to marry me and that it was over but if he felt he had made a huge mistake he wouldnt be too proud to call back. No discussion, nothing. Just its over, im happy with my decision, goodbye. That was 3 months ago, he has rang me twice in them 2 months and each time he says that he does not regret his decision. I have since found out that he too is seeing someone else.

I know how you feel, i have felt that devestation too. I too hoped it was a fear of commitment and that he would come back. But now i think i never knew this guy or i never meant anything to him. he has been so cruel to me and now he moves on without so much a second thought for my feelings. It has been really hard for me these past 3 months, but this forum has really helped me and i have got some excellent advice here.

 

My story is on

[link removed [/color]if you want to read it. I tried to create a link to it but i messed up. Anyway its in the breaking up forum on about page 4 and its called "please help me, i am completely brokenhearted".

 

I am now moving out of the apartment we shared together because there is just too many memories and i also think that living on my own is not helping me..i dont think there is anything we can do to speed up the healing process, it just takes time. We wound not hurt so much if we hadn't loved so much..

I dont know what to say about moving back to France. it took me 3 months to move out of our apartment, i couldnt have done it sooner as i wasnt ready. I'm not sure if you are ready to make a big decision like that yet so just take your time.

I too have the problem of all my friends being in relationships and too caught up in their own world to be able to support me, which is why this forum has helped me through some very rough times..

Are you going home for Christmas?? if not, i think you should..Christmas is a very nostalgic and upsetting time for some so i think you should go home to your family.

Anyways im here to support you in any way i can so keep in touch..

 

Foz

[koline]

Hi everyone,

 

Thanks for taking time to help me. Foz, I have just read your story which is quite similar to mine and it gives me hope because it seems you are already starting to feel better.

 

I am coming back to France at the end of December to spend Christmas with my family, I think I could not handle to be alone at that time. You are right when you say not to make any important decision about coming back in the long term. I just think it would be so hard to come back heartbroken, and have to find a new job, have to rebuilt everything. For now I think I should just stay and try to heal and do a lot of thinking and then make the right decision.

 

It is so hard right now to wake up in the morning and to remember all that nightmare! I think that in the past three months I have been more or less all right because I always thought there was a possibility he would come back, and no that this possibility is gone I do not know how to handle the whole thing. It is so hard for me to think that he likes somebody else, that he kisses her, makes love to her, going out with her in the places we used to go together. Thinking about that is driving me crazy.

I always knew that he would possibly go out and date but I could not imagine he would have a regular girlfriend at that point. What about the three years spent together? How could he ever tell meabout this girl? When I asked him why he was telling me all that he just answered that he thought I was doing OK and he wanted to be fully honest with me. What kind of honesty is that please, he is putting me trough hell...

 

I have been so dumb to think he contacted me because maybe he missed me and wanted to come back. I have to go to work now, and I do not know how I will be able to smile and be nice and work normally. And I do not want to think about next week-end because I know it will be so hard to deal with it. I hope we can keep in touch Foz, you have been giving me great advices and seem to be a really nice person, Thanks!

[Foz]

hi koline,

 

That is good that you are going home for Christmas, that is a positive step and Family can be such a great support, they never get sick of you talking and crying over the ex.

Secondly as for your ex seeing someone, i will give you some paraphrased advice i got from "Happy thoughts" in my thread. You have not been forgotten and replaced, this is your ex's way of dealing with his sadness, weird as it may sound rather than dealing with his feelings, he has jumped into another relationship and put his energy into that instead of grieving. My ex did the same and i was so hurt but i firmly believe that it is a REBOUND relationship and it is his way of trying to prove to himself and his friends and maybe me that it is over between him and me. REBOUND relationships do not work because that is what they are rebounds. You were with this guy for 3 years and he cannot forgot everything you went through together in such a short space of time. I still cant believe that my ex moved on so quickly but i also think he cannot have forgotten our times together and maybe he will start comparing his new girl to me and remember that he does miss me and all we went through together.

i now believe my ex will never come back to me but also he has hurt me so much and been so cruel that i dont think i could ever take him back.

Just try get through the next few weeks and focus on going home for Christmas..dont decide anything about your future just yet because it is too big a decsion to make when your whole world has been ripped apart.

By the way, how old was your boyfriend??

[koline]

Hi Foz,

 

How are you? Do you still think about your ex going out with this girl o did you manage to focus on yourself and get rid of that type of thoughts?

 

My ex was 29. I just got an email from him explaining that he was so sorry for me and that he did not mean to hurt me when he told me about that girl, but did not want me to hear that from someone else. He also write that he has been through a hard time as well, and that it was a difficult decision to break up with me etc...

 

He is a smart guy and I just do not understand how he could even imagine that I would be OK knowing about his gf. I mean, even dumpers usually feel jealous or bad when this happen, so how could he imagine that me, the 3 years relationship dumpee, still living in the apartment we shared, miles away from my family, I would stay calm hearing that?

 

I just can not understand because I was the dumper once in a long relationship and the whole process of the breakup was totally different:

 

- I spent one year with this guy having doubts

- I discussed our problems with him and tried to make it work again

- The last six months I never told him I loved him.

- When I finally broke up I met my ex I never ever told him I was with someone else...there was no point hurting him!

 

Anyway, maybe I should not have read this email, but I could not help it. I also thought as you say that it can be a rebound relationship and that it will not last long. At the same time I feel I should not even think about him or his relationship and try to focus on myself, maybe meet someone else. I will try. I must try because I just can not go through this incredible pain for long. I was such a mess today at work, everybody could see how devastated I was, even people I had just phone contact with!

 

Right now I will try to eat something because I have lost a lot of weight these past few months and I do not want my mother to have a heart attack when she see me! I smoke a lot too, which is not helping, but I can not really focus on that now.

 

Hope you are doing OK now Foz, and I hope in some weeks/months we will both be able to have a different perspective about this whole thing.

[Foz]

Hi Koline,

 

Of course i think about my ex with this girl and i hate the thought of it but i also believe my ex is not the person i was going out with anymore, he is now cold and distant and cruel and he was not like that with me.

My ex never discussed his doubts with me, i had no clue anything was wrong and i like you do believe that you should at least let the other person know you have doubts and give them a chance to make it work or something. Unfortunately however our ex's did not do that and we are left thinking where did it all go wrong and what could we have done differently. Truth is probably nothing, they probably were thinking about this for a long time and even a small argument about what coffee to buy made them think their decsion was correct.

I would never treat someone like that, i would discuss my doubts, i would act like you did in your previous relationship and what makes me angry is that my ex did not have enough respect for me to do that. The fact that he is with someone else already also shows a lack of respect form me.

maybe your ex did think he was doing an honest thing by telling you about this new girl but surely he knew it would hurt you?? How could it not?? At least he is saying it was hard for him, i would take some comfort in that. My ex just went on about how he'd been sailing and kitesurfing and having a great time and going away loads in the weeks after our break up which hurt like hell because i could hardly get out of bed and go to work and he was away with his friends surfing!!

I dont think there is anything you can do to make the pain go away faster, but it does come in waves, one day you feel strong the next day weak..i do think that having no contact with the ex helps because anytime i spoke with the ex it made me more upset..i still miss him but i miss the guy i was with not who he is now..

My ex was 30 and i do believe that he went through some sort of commitment crisis, maybe it is an a thing that guys around 30 go through! they think wow this is getting serious, im not sure if she is the one, better break up so?? I dont know but that is what it seems like happened to me and my ex!!

If you can try do something fun like salsa dancing (you are in the right country for that after all), try eat again (i lost 3 kg in a month and had no energy) start with lots of fruit. I smoke so im not going to say anything about that but im smoking way more since the break up and i did get a really bad cough as a result and had to take antibiotics for 2 weeks.

best thing is to keep posting here and talk about your feelings and what you are going through, it helped me loads and i got some really good advice..

 

Chat soon,

 

Foz

[koline]

Hi Foz,

 

I will try to eat more, I will bring some fruits at work and try to eat a bit during the day. I know the next step is trying to do some activities, make myself busy and meet new people. I just can not force myself right now but when I come back from France I will try to change my lifestyle. I have to do that because it is too painful going to work and coming back at night in this empty apartment.

Week-ends are a nightmare for me, althought I go out with friends, but these days are just so meaningful for me.. I always remember how I was happy when friday was coming because I knew we had two days to spend together. Now I wake up on saturday morning and just feel that big loneliness.

 

I also was convinced my ex was doing a sort of commitment crisis: when he broke up he told me he just could no stand the stability of our life and that he was afraid of the long term between us.

 

I lost my father one year and a half ago, and I know it has been difficult for him to see me sad and negative. I also believe that after what happened to me I was looking even more for stability, and he obviously was not at the same level.

 

Posting here and expressing my feelings is truly helping me, because we have quite similar experiences and it is great to have advices from someone who actually knows what I am going throught.

Have to go to work, Thanks Foz.

[Foz]

I know what you mean about the weekends, i remember sitting in my apartment last weekend thinking if he was here we would be cooking dinner together and then going out for the night and on saturday we would have a lovely breakfast and read the papers and now i just sit on my own thinking this is awful, this loneliness, which is why i decided to move out of the apartment and get some flat mates because i just couldnt stand being alone int he apartment we shared together and with a flat mate at least i will have someone to talk to..

 

I know what you mean about the same level. I thought us living together meant that we would take it to the next level (marriage) but my ex just thought it meant nothing and he could walk out on me whenever he wanted to. We obviously had different expectations of what living together meant. I thought it was a commitment, he didnt. If he did he would have discussed his doubts and tried to work it out with me..We just were not on the same path i guess. I wanted something that he was never going to give me!! marriage and Kids..we never had a serious discussion about it but he knew that is what i wanted, i just presumed the mere fact that he had been living happily with me for 2 years, together for 3, meant he wanted the same thing..

 

And dont worry about being sad and negative. Your father died and you have every right to feel that way. So dont blame the end of your relationship on that. If your ex cannot deal with your sadness over your Dad dying, then he is not worth it. In every relationship you take the good with the bad. Mutual love is one without judgement, you love that person no matter what and want to work at problems, share good things and bad for life not months and then give up.

 

keep in touch,

 

Foz

 

i do understand what you are going through, i hope your job is not too stressful at the moment because you need an easy life at the moment.

[koline]

Hi Foz,

 

It has been a hard day at work, I actually cried there..

I told my colleagues I was going throught personal issues, I hope they understand, but I will hace to put myself together if I do not want everybody to me sick with my behaviour! Unfortunalty this week I have a lot of reports to do and I will have to try to focus on that.

 

I just spoke with my ex's mother, we kept in touch because she is a wonderful person, I know she is very concerned about my situation. She told me that my ex was not doing OK after what happened saturday, and I must say it is good to hear...

 

Tonight I am going to a barbecue with friends, I did not really want to but I will make the effort as it is an opportunity to think about something else.

I am so tired with everything righ now.. there is a spanish expression which says "odio lo que veo" which means "I hate what I see" and it is exacty how I feel.

 

It is a good idea to move from your flat and share with people. I think I will probably think about it in January, when I come back from France.

 

I know what you mean about the commitment thing. I was so sure we will be happy together for many years. That is what is the most shocking: I never thought he could possibly leave me at that point, as we were quite happy together. One month before the breakup as we were in the kitchen

I hugged him and said I was so lucky to have him, and he hugged me back and said the same thing..

Strange life no?

[koline]

Well everybody,

 

Since yesterday I feel a little better. I stopped crying (not a tear in 48 hours), and I eat a bit more. I also have been able to focus on my work.

I still feel this incredible sadness but at least I do what I have to do quite normally. What bothers me is I am better for a bad reason: I spoke with my ex's mother on tuesday and she told me he was having a hard time too. I know I should not be happy about that, no because I do not want him to suffer (I actually want him to), but because I am convinced that I must forget him and do not get hope or desesperation each time people tells me how he feels.

 

I went to see a doctor yesterday and he told me something true: it is like I am in a boat on the ocean. If the wind is good, great. But it could possibly be bad too and if I am just following it I could be trapped in a storm. That is why you have to drive firmly your boat, that way you can handle good and bad wind and follow your trip.

 

It is all about creating your own hapiness I guess, and not be so easily destabilised.

Easy to say hard to do I know, just wanted to share this thought with you guys.

[ebola316]

Koline, I'm in about the same position as you. I moved from somewhere I liked to somewhere I didn't to please my boyfriend . After living together 2 years, last Saturday, he calls his sister, packs his stuff , says things aren't working right, and leaves. Now I am alone here in a place I don't want to be. I don't have a job right now, I don't know anyone and my family is very far away. I have been devastated ever since. I can't eat and when I try to I get sick. I haven't slept except for 1 or 2 hours tossing and turning on the sofa at odd hours. The house is a wreck because I haven't cleaned, and I've only showered once since he's been gone. The place I live is very isolated, so the chance of me actually building a life here is very remote. I can't just leave because my kids {not his} are in school, and I already uprooted them once this year for this move to make him happy. He is living about 100 miles away with family and friends so he is doing fine. All iI do is smoke, drink coffee and cry. I have lost 7 pounds since Saturday. With the holidays coming, and me sitting here alone and thinking of him having fun over there,[he also has an ex living in the same building as him now} is driving me crazy. He's supposed to come tomorrow with his sister and pick up the rest of his stuff, and I don't know how I will react when I see him. He called me last night and offered me some kind of crazy compromise that doesn't make sense to me. He want to use my car [we had 2] keep it in my name , and come over once or twice a week to help me fix my house because when he left, we were in the middle of fixing and everthing is half done. How can I go from a serious reationship to a business arrangement. I don't know what to do, because I am so alone, hurt and confused. So don't think you're alone with the not sleeping or eating thing. I know this must pass if we want to stay alive and sane, but it feels like it never will.

 

Good Luck,

Donna

[koline]

Hi Donna,

 

I totally understand how you feel right now and I know it is devastating. It is for me too, and right now I am alone at "our" home on this friday freaking night wondering if he is somewhere going out with his new girlfriend and having a nice time. It is so unfair.

 

In your case I think I honestly would think about going back near my close friends and family. If you do not have a job right now maybe you should just get a fresh start with the support of the ones who love you. I mean that maybe you have nothing to lose and a lot to win. I understand your concern about your children but it may be better for them too as they will not be happy with you getting sick or falling into depression.

 

I do not know if you plan to visit your family on Christmas but if you do it may be the time to calm down and get a new perspective about the whole situation and what you plan to do.

 

As far as your ex is concerned, I think you should not allow him to get the car and to fix the house. He does not deserve the car and you will not be happy to have him at home if he just sticks on the breakup thing.

 

I know I am in bad position myself, so my advices are not so much help, but people says that it is good to have some exterior thoughts.

 

try to go throught this...we will make it, I am sure!

[ebola316]

Thanks for the advise. I' like you am sitting home {what was our home} alone on Friday night, and the only radio station that plays in this hell-hole town is playing Christmas songs. That is getting me more depressed. At least I got the dreaded day over with. He was so sure he was going to get the car he took the bus here {over 100 mile] He started talking about the title right away. I told we'd talk after he got his stuff together. He only had a couple of things, the rest he didn't want, and said I could have. I reminded him that he owed me money from last month and as he was counting it out, I told him he's not getting the car. I had worked out a signal with my daughter that if she saw any signs of violence, to call the cops. He flipped out all right, but no violence. He was so mad he gave me an extra $100 lol. The only regret I have is in between all this, I had sex with him. Anyway, he told me not to call and he won't call me, and we're finished. He ended having to take a cab back to the bus station. Oh well, at least its over with. The reason I can't leave this place right now, is because my daughter needs surgery and I only have insurance in NYS. I can't move down near my family in NYC because it is too expensive there. I have to stick it out up here for the winter, and then in the spring, when my daughter is better, I will try to sell and go back to my family in Florida, where he and I originally moved from. I hope to see my family in NYC for Christmas- it depends on the weather. I'm on top of a mountain that is pretty much snowed in for the winter, plus I have pets and can't leave them for any amount of time. I know how you feel sitting and wondering what he's doing and who he's with. I'm doing the same thing. It is harder for us, because we are in the actual home where the relationship took place, and we are reminded every minute.

believe me, talking to you is a big help and next year, we may look back on all this and laugh. The main part right now is getting through each day, eating, sleeping and hoping each day will hurt a little less. I will talk to you soon Kolene. Keep hanging in there

Donna

[Foz]

Hi there,

 

Just a quick note to see how you are doing??

I as you know moved out of the apartment at the weekend and i would highly recommend it. It was such a relief to be away from the constant reminders of him and the fact that he left me all alone.

Now im in a new apartment with a flatmate and its new and there are no memories so Koline as someone who is in a very similar situation to you, i would recommend moving out and getting a flat mate. You will feel better immediately.

I felt relief leaving, relief that i would no longer be tormented by memories of our life together. It was good!!

So im feeling a bit better now and ready for the next chapter in my life!!

 

Chat soon,

 

Foz

[koline]

Hi Foz and Ebola,

 

Foz, I am so happy for you. It sounds great, you are right when you say it is a new start for you, and it will be full of great new experiences I am sure!

 

I am thinking about doing the same thing when I come back fom France in January. I need this turn in my life. I think these whole 3 and a half months I have been doing nothing to change my lifestyle because I had this little hope he would change his mind, and eventually come back. I did not want to move my world, maybe because I did not want things to change so strongly. I had a depressing week-end, which was in a way a "good" thing because I did a lot of thinking and realized I could not go on with that.

 

So back in January I will look for something else to share.

 

Ebola, you have gone through a very hard confrontation. Do not blame yourself for the sex thing, I think it is so natural, but do not repeat it.

I had sex two weeks after the breakup with my ex. I was really looking for it, and I was so desappointed. There was no love from him anymore and I felt really bad when he left, thinking how can he leave me like that after what we shared during more than 3 years!

 

When your daughter feels better, try to do everything to get out of there and go back to your place, away from him..

Foz is a good example that it is the right decision.

 

Talk to you both soon,

Koline.

[ebola316]

Hi Koline,

 

hope everything is ok with you. I too had a bad weekend. When the spring comes, and the kids are finished with school, I'll see about going back to Florida. Right now, I have to look for a job, since he was paying half the bills. so it will be hard right now. I don't think I'm sane enough right now to look, so I'll probably start next week.

 

He called on Saturday night and said he just want to talk for awhile. I was upset by the call, so since last night, I've disconnected the phone at night so I don't event have to see when he calls and be tempted to pick it up. I think I feel better having no contact with him. Every call feels like a step backward, so I'm not dealing with that anymore.

 

I wonder why they like to torture and bother us with phone calls. Do they get some kind of sick pleasure out of this? Like kicking a dog when he's down.

 

Oh well, keep me up-to-date about your situation. I will be here with any support you need.

[Foz]

Hey Koline,

 

Definitely moving out after Christmas is a good idea. I too stayed on in our apartment after he left. I was afraid of change and i guess in a way i was afraid of accepting the fact that it was over and he wasnt coming back. by staying on i felt i still had a connection to him but in the end it was that connection that was preventing me from moving on and healing.

I thought it would be so hard to do but in the end it was a relief. before i moved i brought all presents from him, cards letters and photos and anything else that reminded me of him to my mum's house and left them there so there is nothing in the new flat that reminds me of him.

 

Weekends are tough but im hoping now that i have a flat mate and company it will be better at weekends.

 

To Ebola, it is best to not have contact at the moment because every phone call with the ex is torture, its like they are rejecting you again and again and we so do not need to hear that. Ive only had 4 conversations with my ex since we broke up 3 months ago, one after 3 weeks, the next a week later, one a month ago and the final one was about 3 weeks ago and each one upset me so much that on the final one i said it was too hard to keep in contact..it is just not worth the pain. So hard as it is and believe me i know its hard, try not to contact him and if you feel like talking to him remember how crap you felt after the last conversation and that should be a good detterant.

 

Foz

[ebola316]

Hi Foz, thanks for the advise. I feel alot better not talking to him. I actually had to go to the extreme to avoid it, because every time I see his number on caller ID I'm tempted to pick it up.

 

I went out and bought a pre-paid cell, and gave the number to all important people, and unplugged the phone. He doesn't have a computer. and if he did, he'd probably be too stupid to know how to use it. Take care-talk to you soon.

[motopilote]

je comprend ta peine, moi aussi j'ai le coeur mal, grace a une nana, tu peut lire mon histoire. Salut

[koline]

J'ai lu ton histoire motopilote.

 

I am going to answer in english, as it is easier for everybody.

I experimented all sorts of feelings since the breakup. After 3 months I thought I was better -not over him- but better. So I agreed to meet him, and that is when I came back to square 1, when he told me he had a girlfriend. That is why I think NC is the way to go. I hurted myself meeting him, so that he could get rid of guilt telling me the true about his relationship. Not really fair...

 

I do not know if it will get better, if I will ever feel happy again, but I know that as everybody on this forum, I have to fight for it. And you have to do it too. What do we have to lose? There is nothing to be afraid of, we have been through the worst chapter.

 

Last thing: you had some beautiful times with your ex, so did I. Life sucks right now, it is true. But it is like paying the bill, it is because we were so high that we are so down now. Do you regret this relationship to have happened? I do not..

[GreatGuy]

Salut! I too understand a bit about this. You can read my story...and for me its even harder because even as she says she wants to be alone now, she hasn't told me we're separated because she doesn't love me...or wants to be with someone else....ect. She said she had some isssues to work on and that she could not be with me right now. THat anything is possible....but she was doing the right thing. I was so devastated that day oct 15 that I didn't know how to react. And to make matters worse she proposed to marry me three month ago!

Anyway clearly she has some issues to deal with and I am supportive of that even though it does hurt a bit. I have to say that was a bit pissed off and started snooping around (stupid move) in her emails. That was not good and now she may be dating I don't know ....sometimes I want to go back there and find out who she is hanging out with....but then I realize its wrong to do that, to violate others privacy and more important to diminish yourself. That is how I see NC as, they are mainly for SELFPRESERVATION, SELFRESPECT, and SELFLOVE. AS hard as things are for you right now....you cannot give in to the idea that you're not worth it, you did something wrong, and you will never be loved that way again. I wake up some nights and I want to call her because I miss her soooo much!!! But you know what because I have loved her (to the point that I had the ring in my hands) and still do, If I trully love her than I should be strong, respect her space, and respect MYSELF for not lowering myself.

Also it must hurt to know that when they leave, they hook up with others so fast, while we just deal with THIS! I SAY NOOO!!! WE're Beautiful and Will be loved!!