Anonymous22 Posted August 4, 2013 Share Posted August 4, 2013 I have been having minor problems with my new girlfriend that kind of bug me. We only have 4 weeks together and to me it feels as if we aren't progressing at all, maybe to her it is. I know it all takes time and patience like many of my friends have told me because I haven't been in a relationship for a very long time. Many say to take it slow, and many say to not over think things. Maybe I am over thinking right now. But just venting and hearing other people's advice will make me settle down so here I am now. So I have 4 weeks with her and the problem is that it seems like she doesn't fully want to open her doors to me in the way of telling me her feelings like what she feels deep inside. At times she tells me when she is all lovey dovey she tells me the happy side of her feelings, but when it comes to certain points when she feels angry or bugged about something she doesn't want to communicate with me like she avoids it. I ask her if I can call her (I have the need to ask because none of her family knows we are actually together yet she is breaking it down slowly to them and so far she has only told the females of her family and I don't want to call her in the middle and getting her in-trouble) and she just changes the subject. At points I ask her if we can exchange photos so I can be able to see her beauty the need for me to not miss her as much I tell her, and all she does is say she is going to send them but never does. Sometimes in our conversations I asked her at least 3 questions and she answers the straight forward questions and not the sweet and tender ones like for example: "How is your day? I really want to see you because I miss you, do you miss me? I really love you!" and she only replies to the "how was your day?". It really bugs me that she isn't as open and because of that it brings me insecurities and makes me worry about our relationship in the future. Like will she change in the future or is she holding back? or is this how she really going to act throughout the whole relationship? I don't even bother asking her or talking about it because she will just ignore it. Yesterday in the night I was watching a movie and was really into it and replied only 12 minutes late and she just decided to say goodnight with no I love you at the end. When in her part ignores me for half an hour or more. But I'm understandable I know she is busy so I don't say a word, but when I reply only 10 minutes late she gets butt hurt. Today in the morning I was sweet and lovey dovey and told her good morning and asked her if she was mad... she was really blunt and not as lovey dovey as she usually is every morning... I asked her if something was wrong and she bluntly said nothing. and Knowing she was lying to me all i said was sorry even though I don't know what I did and it seems to me like she doesn't want to talk to me today so I told her hope she has a wonderful day... she replied with I hope you have a wonderful day too since then I haven't text her... I feel like not texting her at all anymore because it just bugs me My friends adviced me to not over think and let her come to me, but I really want to know from many people before taking action... so what do you guys think? Link to comment
annie24 Posted August 4, 2013 Share Posted August 4, 2013 At points I ask her if we can exchange photos so I can be able to see her beauty the need for me to not miss her as much I tell her, and all she does is say she is going to send them but never does. have you met her in real life? Link to comment
SantosLHalper Posted August 4, 2013 Share Posted August 4, 2013 Your friends are right! Calm down, and slow down. You told her you love her after 4 weeks, and she doesn't reciprocate, that's understandable. That's quite a short period of time to declare your love. Maybe she's concerned about that, and that's why she didn't say it back in the message you mentioned. But I don't know, maybe in the flesh she tells you this too. Properly opening up to a new partner can sometimes take time. It certainly takes me more than 4 weeks to really open up to someone, especially when it comes to issues that might be darker and deeper. Often, you're scared of being too honest so early on, because you don't want to reveal your deepest and darkest secrets! So don't worry about it. If, in maybe a couple of months time, she's still not opening up to you, you might have cause for concern. Until then, just relax and enjoy the honeymoon period before things get more involved. Link to comment
Stay_home Posted August 4, 2013 Share Posted August 4, 2013 I do too feel that you're losing your composure over this very early relationship. Although you're intentions are good, I think you are becoming a bit too overwhelming with expecting her to melt about everything like cheese on a sandwich; back up and back off a little bit. Link to comment
Anonymous22 Posted August 4, 2013 Author Share Posted August 4, 2013 @annie: Yes, I known her for quite awhile 2 years now and we have history I been crushing on her since day 1 and she finally realized my effort and gave me a chance. @Santos: I guess I should calm down. Well actually we are madly in love with each other just sometimes she is lovey dovey and sometimes she just gives me the cold shoulder. I asked her about this but she was being sarcastic and funny about it and said "Because I want to be lovey dovey when I want to is there a problem? lol but believe me she tells me she loves me too and all that stuff we even be thinking far ahead of time and started talking about marriage which is kinda of a shock and I know it's kinda to early to think about that but just the thought of it connects us closer I feel a certain connection between us. That is true maybe it is too early so what would you recommend me in the long run if she still doesnt open up within a few months? what should I do? I will What should I do about todays actions? Is giving her space the way I did a good thing? should I message her later on tonight or wait until tomorrow so we can both cool down? because I feel if I was to message her now she will be angry for not messaging her or replying to her. Link to comment
Anonymous22 Posted August 4, 2013 Author Share Posted August 4, 2013 I do too feel that you're losing your composure over this very early relationship. Although you're intentions are good, I think you are becoming a bit too overwhelming with expecting her to melt about everything like cheese on a sandwich; back up and back off a little bit. Yea, I figured... I'm just rusty to all this I haven't been on a real relationship Link to comment
SantosLHalper Posted August 4, 2013 Share Posted August 4, 2013 If she doesn't open up in a few months, then you can tell her that you want to share these things with her and ask her to do the same. Tell her about your deeper thoughts, and ask what she thinks. Maybe engage her in other subjects - politics, philosophy, science, or whatever you happen to be interested in. Then at least you can begin to engage her on a deeper level. But you've known her for 2 years - have you discussed your emotions and feelings with her yet, before you got together? Link to comment
Anonymous22 Posted August 4, 2013 Author Share Posted August 4, 2013 If she doesn't open up in a few months, then you can tell her that you want to share these things with her and ask her to do the same. Tell her about your deeper thoughts, and ask what she thinks. Maybe engage her in other subjects - politics, philosophy, science, or whatever you happen to be interested in. Then at least you can begin to engage her on a deeper level. But you've known her for 2 years - have you discussed your emotions and feelings with her yet, before you got together? I will do that if this continues for a few months thank you yes of course, I have been rejected by her constantly but I always kept fighting for her we had our ups and downs. Until she decided to give me a chance we became lovey dovey. She knew how I felt since day 1 lol. Well I guess she is upset for I don't know what reason now... I don't understand how it led to this. I was calm and she just decided to act like that for no apparent reason. Link to comment
selfsabotage Posted August 4, 2013 Share Posted August 4, 2013 Man pull back a little you sound suffocating, needy, insecure. Let her be feminine and talk about her feelings. Its not right for the guy to dump his feelings its the girls job Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted August 4, 2013 Share Posted August 4, 2013 Man pull back a little you sound suffocating, needy, insecure. I agree with this section. I think you'll lose her if you keep pushing her to talk about stuff before she is ready. Link to comment
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