Why is being bisexual so confusing

[vix8]

I've been doing a ton of self-reflecting, and I'm still trying to figure out my sexuality to a tee. I've observed my past, and now I'm closely watching my actions/thoughts. I went through a lot of self-esteem issues when I was younger, where I felt as though I needed to constantly attract the opposite sex to me. I'm pretty sure it was just influences like the media, and a bit of jealousy towards my sister. But I've always found girls more attractive, and I've always payed more attention to them than guys ever since like grade 4. So for the longest time I thought I was straight with some kind of sexual desire to sleep with girls. When it finally started happening, there was no denying that I enjoyed sleeping with women. But I still enjoy sleeping with men too. I've been in two relationships where I've fallen in love, but both were guys. Now looking back, all the guys I've ever been attracted to have had feminine features/qualities. I've only dated I guess "baby-faced" men. I'm extremely turned off by muscle built men with sharp features, and I've never been attracted to the "butch" lesbian, unless there face looks girly and soft. But I'm getting annoyed at people telling me that bisexuals don't exist, especially coming from lesbians. I often get turned away when I label myself as bisexual. And I hate telling guys I'm bisexual because they swarm me thinking if they can get with me, they might get lucky with a 3sum. Ever since I've learned to love myself and have stopped being insecure, I hate being in the spotlight. So I think maybe I'm a lesbian in the sense that I'm attracted to femininity, but I'm bisexual in the sense that I would sleep with both sexes. I kind of identify being a mesh of both female and male qualities. I look feminine, and enjoy looking that way, but I have a masculine mentality/logic when it comes to most things. I've never dated a women seriously, but I feel like I want to now. I'm not out to my family, so I can't decide if I'm holding back because it's easier to be straight, or if I'm the type that will only date guys, but always be attracted to women. I feel like it's so much harder to come out as being bisexual. I would rather come out as being gay. Bisexual people get shunned, labeled as promiscuous, labeled as fake, as a phase, ect. One time I was naive and didn't really notice the judgement I was getting from these lesbians I was hanging out with, because the one who I was sleeping with was the only one who wasn't judging. Until I "proved" myself I could sleep with women, they started believing that I was a lesbian slowly converting/coming out and that bisexual was just a phase. But I kept telling them I'm not a lesbian, and they would laugh. I feel like if I tell my parents, it's going to be really weird, because it's like telling them "hey mom and dad, guess what? I'm experimenting with girls" I know this because my friend came out as bi and I told my mom to see what she would say. Also I even had a gay male friend, and we were actually best friends at one point.. he would tell people I was straight. It bothered me.

[irishapple]

Absolutely no point looking at it as being confusing. Accept it for what it is at the moment, you will no doubt resovle it over time but date both genders and at some point you will meet someone whom you quite enjoy spending time with. When ither peoples opinion start to count in your descisions is when its time to do your onw thing. Never mind what others thing, just go with the flow and accept who you are. And just dont leave it at experimentation, make some friends and look at the personalities. But yes there are times when its nice to poke the fire without looking at the mantlepiece...

[Lonewing]

I dare say Everybody is bisexual - just to different degrees. Most of us are saying we're 100% M 0% F or 0% M 100% F, but that's all we've been taught...and we're taught we can only have one more human being with us...

 

Well, what if I have a wife, who's bi...who...well, wants me, but wants a woman in her life too? Is it wrong if we become a triad, instead of a dyad?

[lukeb]

I'm not so sure if I understand where you are confused. The way you are talking about sex and sexuality is that you are not looking for the one but that you are looking at this huge smorgasbord of potential sexual partners and there are things you like in each sex. Have fun if that is what you are looking for. Why should your friends care what you are exactly? Do gay men only hang with gay men, do lesbians only hang out with lesbians, that only if you are lesbian you are allowed to be friends? If there is someone you want to have sex with and the feeling is mutual then go for it I guess, why should your friends care? If you can only look at sex as something you do casually and for fun, I am not so sure you should tell your parents, family, or most of your friends unless this is somewhere you like to go with your friends.

[LC8328]

While I am extremely pleased at the increasing rate of the acceptance of homosexuality, I have noticed some discrimination toward people who considered themselves bisexual.

 

But really, it's just like any group of people who are discriminated against - find yourself a new set of friends. Not everybody is such a jerk about it. Find people who understand or, if it's not quite that simple, don't hang out with anybody for a little while.

 

You're sexually attracted to females but you've only had relationships with men and can see yourself only having relationships with men. It doesn't matter that they're baby-faced or not. You are bisexual. It's okay to be bisexual.

 

I suggest you find a local support group. I promise, not everybody is such a jerk about bisexuality.