Catastrophizing: Does anyone else do this?

[browneyedgirl36]

I just gave someone advice on another thread about avoiding "catastrophizing" things -- meaning, convincing one's self that things will turn out badly, that things are worse than they are -- basically focusing on potential negative outcomes when there's no evidence to suggest that they will actually happen. I have tended to do this a lot in the past -- and still do sometimes -- and I wonder if others do it and why they think they do. I think that, for me the reasons are two-fold: 1) I do it to "prepare" myself for a negative outcome so that I won't be disappointed/shocked/hurt, etc. when it does happen, but I'll be relieved if it doesn't; 2) I've always been a "worrier" -- even as a very, very young child -- and sometimes I think I just create things to worry about!

 

Case in point: When I moved out of my apartment, I was owed a security deposit that was pretty significant. There were no damages to my apartment (the property manager put this in writing), and that being the case, I should have received my deposit back within 21 days (per California law). Well, my former landlord is a notorious penny-pincher and is known for taking his sweet time to return deposits even without ANY legal grounds for keeping even a cent of the deposit. This guy has even been sued by a few former tenants because six months went by and he didn't return their deposits and gave them nothing in writing about why he wasn't returning them (CA law requires that within 21 days, if a landlord is not returning the entirety of a deposit, he has has to provide a document detailing what is being kept and why). So...the three weeks went by, and nothing. In the fourth week, I contacted him. He didn't respond. In the fifth week, I contacted him again (via e-mail). No response, though I know he read my e-mails (I could check to see if they had been read). In the sixth or seventh week, I called him. He answered (not knowing it was me, I'm sure), and was all apologies about not responding to my e-mails. A few days later, he had his wife drop a check off at my house, nearly 5 weeks past the time he was legally bound to return my deposit. So, I did get it back, but in the weeks I was waiting for it, I started thinking the worst -- that he was just going to continue to ignore me, and that I was going to have to sue him (it was enough money that it would have been worth it). I hate the idea of lawsuits and appearing in court, and I'd known him for ten years and had heard LOTS of stories from former tenants about him being totally ruthless when it came to money -- that he was a jovial guy, but that when it came to money, he could be a jackal. So, I worked myself all into a frenzy, getting all morally indignant about my "cheapskate" landlord, how he was breaking the law, etc., getting all stressed out and angry at him and imagining having to serve him with court papers, etc. Of course, after everything was resolved, I felt silly, but...I realize I've done this before, with other stuff (in dating and in other areas in which I think people might take advantage of me -- or try to -- things like business transactions, etc.) The same thing happened when I was buying my house -- I kept thinking the seller would try to back out because a better offer came along, or that the inspector would find TONS of stuff wrong with the house and I'd have to back out.

 

Does anyone else do stuff like this? It often corresponds with PMS for me, unfortunately. And, I think it has something to do with my childhood/younger years, when I was bullied incessantly and often treated like a doormat. I think I have, to some degree, come to expect at least some people to take advantage, to try to cheat me, etc. I've dealt with some of this in therapy, and I continue to work through it.

 

Just wondering if anyone else has had this experience and where you think it comes from.

[iamkaylee]

Ugh. My mother did this about everything. It drove me nuts when I was a kid and we did not get along AT ALL after I became an adult.

 

I never really figured out why she was like that. I do think part of it was that she was a worry-wart and slightly pessimistic in general.

[browneyedgirl36]

Ugh. My mother did this about everything. It drove me nuts when I was a kid and we did not get along AT ALL after I became an adult.

 

I never really figured out why she was like that. I do think part of it was that she was a worry-wart and slightly pessimistic in general.

 

Well, while I was very pessimistic when I was younger, I tend to be a lot more optimistic now. I don't generally share these things with people in my life -- if I worry about something, I tend to keep it to myself. My mom is one of the only people who knows I sometimes do this. So, it definitely hasn't impacted any of my relationships. I'm sorry to hear that it hurt your relationship with your mom.

[itsallgrand]

I do.

 

I actually went to a psychiatrist for it. Well, because it was related to my PTSD. But I didn't really know this at the time.

 

It is waaay more gentle now. I do know why I do it - because good things were often followed up with very bad things, in my life. Some really bad things that people tell you "now now, that is very unlikely to happen" did happen. Well and then my brain got wired, in a way, to expect the absolute worst almost all the time. It became the automatic. Had to train it to go another way again, as naturally as it wants to go to the catastrophic ending.

 

For other people though, perhaps those experiences would not have impacted them that way. I started out a sensitive child, and always was a worry wart too. Muliple things went into this whole mess for me: my mother was poor at coping and transferred a lot of her emotional distress/trauma onto me as the eldest child. And, my personality in general. I have memories of all these things.

 

I know for a fact - because I've proved it to myself - that this is something which can be changed. My favorite method is reason. And analyzing not only the possible outcome in a more balanced way, but also accessing what belief/mentality is going to best serve you regardless of what the outcome may be. When you think about it logically, preparing for worst outcome is sound. But once you have reasonably done that, stressing and convincing yourself of worst outcome is not - it impairs our ability to act effectively, it impairs our bodies ability to stay reasonably relaxed and healthy, it simply does not make sense!

 

just a few thoughts. but yeah...i relate!

 

I also find that what I expose myself to can have a big impact on how bad it gets for me, how much it acts up. I've accepted that I sensitive to things, even movies (I used to watch horror movies, now I won't even watch something that is too tragic). There is a huge theme that has been going on in society and the arts for a while now that plays off "catastrophy". I try to avoid getting sucked into that .