angelkbfl Posted November 27, 2004 Share Posted November 27, 2004 My heart goes out to all of you! Hello, I'm a 22 year-old woman named Andrea, and after reading all these posts, like everyone else...i was looking for answers..a magical formula...goodness a miracle even!!! to bring back the love of my life. Although unfortunately there really is no magical spell, it finally dawned upon me one day of how to increase my chances by tenfold of how to get him to not only be back in my arms, but to reignite the "mental struggle" which is by so far, the most misconcepted idea involving relationships, and if not viewed at properly it can be the "end all" to any loving union. Now I would go into my little scenario of what happened, but if I do I'll end up writing a "guarranteed-to-cry-your-eyes-out" 4-star 500 page-long novel with a economy-sized box of kleenex to compliment the whole package...and please LOL Believe me... I'm REALLY sure that nobody cares to read about it!! (not that I blame you!..500 pages is a bit too long!) ok enough of that... Try and clear your mind of ANY emotional babble, for just one moment. Listen to what I'm gonna say cause believe me IF YOU BELIEVE, it's gonna work for you, If your skeptical, please do yourself a huge favor and quit wasting your time reading my post. (just a note. I'm not a therapist, a redeemer, or an advocate of any sort...I'm just a ordinary person JUST LIKE YOU...and I truly hope that my advice helps all those who read it..please if you have any questions my email address is email removed) Ok here it goes...how are we usually feeling when a relationship ends? An obvious here is HURT, confusion, gut- wrenching your heart-and-soul-out pain, the whole nine-yards right? How about this question? Was this whole unfortunate event brought about by your bad luck, all the happy-go-luckiness you "once had" just about ran out, or the common "people change" crap, or the even better "you two are just not meant to be"? If you answered yes to any of the second question answers oh how WRONG you truly are! and what little faith you have in yourself! (you need to get more secure here people!) Believe it or not, it is YOU who chooses your fate. Have you ever heard of the phrase" you're the master of your own destiny."? SO TRUE, but our deluded little mind that I'll refer to as the infamous EGO blinds us from being aware of the awesome god-given power within each and everyone of us to make our own paths for what we want and desire in our lives! The EGO thrives on negativity, It JUST ABSOLUTELY LOVES IT! Its the part of you that makes you give in to weakness, believe the worst is gonna happen to you, it wants to see things physically for itself before it believes...and just forces you to think that your never gonna be worth much so the other person's not gonna want to be with you either (UHH__UGLY!). It also LOVES to argue with other EGOS, It seems to never be able to agree on anything the other person's ego wants, loves to have its way, ALWAYS has to be right and the other person's EGO slightly right to an extent but your EGO will see itself as MORE right, because it feels that it can never be wrong. Oh my! If we don't watch it, this EGO can REALLY GET OUT OF HAND..which usually ends in, like this case, the end of happy love and a loving relationship! Just visualize it as a little annoying ankle-biter with the IQ and temper of a two-year-old that has chronic tantrums that REALLY needs to be locked into a cage, tamed or one of the two. LOL Negative things are what the EGO survives on, are things such as suspicion, JEALOUSY, exaggeration of the importance of having someone in your life in order to live, insecurity, overreactting, FEAR of trying something different from usual, MISTRUST of your partner, (Oh it just LOVES to think the worst I tell ya! and blowing things completely out of proportion are a favorite past-time of the ruthless EGO) being unreasonable, "imagining things", becoming predictable to your partner (BIG BIG NO-NO!!), disagreeing with what your partner wants...and of course a number of other things. What needs to be valued here is how to control your EGO, just how to stop it from from attacking at it's own will, because after all, YOU ARE THE COMPLETE MASTER OF IT. ..Almost like owning a pitbull, if you fear the beast, it'll sense it and try to control you using your fear of it. but quess what? As with everything in life, you can give it as much power over you as you can make it instantly POWERLESS. (for instance, your intimation of a girl/guy who your partner may "like", if you act threated, you turn a 4 into an 11 just like if you did the opposite, and you don't act threated, all the sudden the "threat" does'nt look so hot any more. She/ he went down to well.. NOTHING..and you keep your EGO happy by keeping your pride.) Just like All the sudden, your not intimidated by the pitbull and he obeys you and turns into a cuddly puppy dog. POOF! There's magic for you. LOL so amazing but its simplicity makes it understated, thats why it may be hard to believe at first. BUT If you believe that your not afraid...you will not be afraid, and you will see that you truly have that power over YOUR LIFE. IN EVERY SINGLE ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE!! May it be love, money, and even happiness. Remember, Life happens THROUGH you not to you. It all just takes a strong will, and knowing that yup, YOU ARE IN CONTROL...ALWAYS. You control your situation, you choose to feel pain, just as you choose to feel happiness. Subconsiously, we naturally let our EGOs do this for us, because we don't believe that we have such a power over our lives. Your REALLY THAT POWERFUL! It's about learning to manipulate your own EGO, just not in a "natural" way. So please stop blaming other people for what happens to you and stop playing the victim, your only letting that nasty little EGO get its way once again! Now remember, as much control as you have over your life and your situation YOU CANNOT decide for others of what they want. The thing is, is that when you are aware of the ego consept, you become MUCH SMARTER in INFLUENCING what their EGO wants, its all about tapping into your own power and learning how to manipulate it to YOUR ADVANTAGE to get whatever you want FROM ANYONE. (the ego isn't all that bad after all- IT JUST NEEDS TO BE TAMED to your complete satisfication.) To do this is actually quite simple.....RELAX, and don't exaggerate the situation, instead just defuse it completely before it even has a chance to set fuse. for example, say your lover is breaking up and wants to leave you ( this is when mental-struggle comes in) The more you try and stop it the more YOUR LOVER WANTS IT and the more REBELLIOUS HE/SHE FEELS towards you. (sound familiar? sounds like that person's EGO is talking to you huh, yup you got that right!) but don't jump the gun yet ok? so they want to leave you blah, blah, ok remember whenever you feel negative vibes trying to get at you, STOP thinking that way immeadiately, and switch to acting positive AT THAT INSTANT, its so much more effortless to do so, becuase your not depleting yourself with negative thoughts which will only get you back in a BIG emotional mess. The more you use pressure, the more he/she doesn't see you in all the wonderful glory that you are! Big mistake to do is reason. why? because (here comes the EGO again!) you're telling him/her how much you love them which translation to them means "but I want something different from what you want honey", (blah, blah, blah) "I'm trying to change you..you'll see I'm totally right on what we should have CAUSE I KNOW BETTER THAN YOU" yup thats what they are REALLY hearing from you. so what do you do..YOU ROCK THE BOAT. Remember, when your lover wants to break up with you, he/she seems very happy, but the reality is that they are in love with their negative feelings and not the practical ones. When you feel hurt and mad , your EGO behaves in ways to increase the hurt feelings and the angry feelings. Feeling hurt causes you to attack the other person's pride , causing the hurt to feel worse. So what should we do (but doesn't feel natural) when we are in these situations is ROCK the boat. (this like I said eariler, is an example of giving the mental challenge..a rare kept secret I quess cause no one really knows how to use it.) You turn left, when they think that your going right. If your can figure that out, your a genius. No? Ok, I'll explain. When you stop the "changing" and "I Love you" approach it'll make the relationship BETTER because no pressuring is involved. Just allow and accept 110% of what your mate wants, does, thinks and feels and ACCEPT it all as perfectly ok! (I told you it would feel unnatural, but really how easy is that? Only as easy as you want it to be because YOU CONTROL the intensity of the situation you are in, get it?) Remember it's predictable to them that you're going to fight them tooth and nail instead you don't. Your behavior becomes UNPREDICTABLE which equals FASCINATION. Their no longer bored and they like the mental challenge!! Really just sit back and watch your lover DRAMATICALLY improve themself! Why? Well If you remember how to understand the EGO you will see that that person's negative feelings towards you would be weakening IMMENSELY and very quickly, because their negative feelings need something in you to FIGHT WITH ... with out you as his/her "negative base" that same person will turn to someone else to fight against. YUP manipulated their EGO and kept the peace and still kept them in the process. Talk about EFFORTLESS multitasking that works like a charm, EVERYTIME. I tried it, of course being skeptical at first, BUT I decided to be brave and do something different for a change and boy I'm so glad I did that, my man and I decided to go out to eat that night after months of not talking! When you sincerely see what is on their side, you'll sincerely agree with them, So if they want to blame you for everything wrong in their lives let them, if they want to be cold to you, let them. "yes baby, we moved too fast even though its been 3 years...and oh yeah I totally agree with you on us just to move on with our lives and date other people..." just AGREE AGREE and guess what you just did by saying that, YOU THREW A MONKEY WRENCH INTO THEIR LOCKDOWN PROGRAM, and instantly they'll want committment. AGREE with that negative crap coming from them and DO NOT RESIST IT and all the sudden they'll get that mental struggle they were craving from you becuase you gave it to them. There's more magic for ya! AMAZING huh? Another reason to "not be natural" during breakup is because his/her negative feelings will have absolutely nothing to feed upon and build upon from YOU! You have surrendered your defenses to them..in doing so, you will cause them to do the same (since you have no "gun", you can't defend yourself and he/she won't be able to shoot you since you are not "armed". Instead when you're not defending yourself, he/ she will want to defend you!! (weird, but VERY TRUE!) Very healthy strategy although not natural ...but natural is not the case here since you want to be a mystery to the other person, their EGO will be wondering why you're not defending yourself against them! Now naturally the idea of defending yourself seems like a great idea since you'll keep your dignity, poise, and come out on top (just what your EGO wants) BUT the reason why it doesn't work in this case with your lover is because, defending yourself against them makes them feel pressured SINCE you are basically telling them that you are right and THEY ARE WRONG (remember- agree with everything and put a good name on it that they say 110%!)When they are pressured by your opposing opinion (not agreeing with them) then in turn they become more aggressive and more hostile towards you! Actually now to think of it, defending yourself naturally isn't really defense SINCE YOU ARE BASICALLY GIVING THEM A STICK TO WACK YOU WITH! in other words, you're getting more pain when defending yourself AGAINST them...not good.) agreeing with them in this case give you TREMENDOUS advantage over the situation and it's actually the smartest thing to do! USE your head and NOT your feelings! Feelings make you feel that not defending yourself is losing, and want to choose everything ...feelings are wrong to use for this situation and WILL NOT WORK! Use your head, and you will outsmart the bastard at their own game! Warmly let your lover be whoever they are, and watch them dramatically improve themselves! While their off on their negative rampage, you remain totally positive, because BELIEVE me, their nasty little EGO will try hard to make you feel just as bad as them. Brush it off and focus all that love you have on yourself, when the time comes that you truly feel happiness coming from within, you may doubt that you want this person in your life still, or want to put up with their negativity any longer...PLEASE EMAIL ME AND LET ME KNOW HOW THIS GOES FOR YOU, I LOVE FEEDBACK. Quote Link to comment
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