my friend is a mole for my bf

[Lilliene]

My bf starts NC every time I tell him how he treats me n how I feel. This time again he did the same n flew abroad without calling me though he told me he would call to tell me if he had time to drop by my place before going to the airport. He didn't so I also didnt. He didnt contact me for the last five days. Yesterday he called a friend of mine while the friend was was sitting with me. Strange coincidence. The friend told me, let me take this call. There was nothing substantial he had to say. I always feel that the friend is his mole. He called again in a few mins and my friend just told him I ll tell u later. Of late my bf stopped respecting my wishes. Disallowed me to vent out my my feelings, in the guise that his business had incurred losses so he didn't want any tensions. Every time I tried to tell him that though his attitude with me had changed, it was the same for every one else. I always had my doubts that my friend was my boy friend s mole. Then my friend asked me about where my bf was visiting. I told him I dont know. I think he would be back today. Do u think I stick to NC and what was this call about.

[Tanzi]

NC isn't something you're supposed to do when you're IN a a relationship so I'm not sure what purpose it has here other than to have become a game you play with each other when there is tension between you. I think you need to decide whether or not you're in a relationship first. I gather that if he were to call you everything would eventually go back to normal ... until the next time he chooses to ignore you again and/or visa versa. Until you decide that you're NOT in a relationship, your NC is just a mind game that you're playing. What do you think the outcome will be?

 

How do you feel about the relationship? And how did this friend become to be a mole? Do you know for sure that it was your bf that called your friend.

[Lilliene]

Yeah I know it was him. This friend of mine used to be a good person unless he met my bf who knows how to win people over. To be honest with u, I loved him. And moreover im used to being with him every day. But I cannot take his degrading attitude anymore. He s always. ,always played this disappearing act. I used to get upset and convince him to return. Im too tired now to play this game again. I didn't start this not even once. Tell me what to do? Ever confused.

[abitbroken]

Its one thing to need a few days to cool off, but more than one time is playing games. I would move on from the boyfriend and also ditch this so called friend, quite honestly.

 

You ARE playing the game, too. he disappears, you convince him to come back. So he wants to disappear so you'll beg him to come back or show how much you appreciate him or grovel. So don't grovel. Don't take his calls. He'll contact you eventually when he is shocked that you are not chasing after him. or not. But I would just dump him and end this all.

[chitown9]

I think that this so-called-friend of yours is reporting back to him. I think you need to loose this guy. He is not treating you well. .... chi

[lavenderdove]

Look, if he is cutting you off and refusing to talk to you every time he gets mad at you or you do something he doesn't like, that is abusive controlling behavior. He is 'punishing' you in order to get you to submit to his wishes and give him his way.

 

Frankly, people who do this are jerks and controlling and it makes for a BAD relationship. The fact that he has his friend spy on you is also controlling and manipulative behavior. He's trying to show you he is in control of you, and even when he is punishing you and not around, he is still trying to control you and keep tabs on you via his friend. That is a really sick situation.

 

I think you should break up with this guy. No good will come of this.

[nfperception]

Look, if he is cutting you off and refusing to talk to you every time he gets mad at you or you do something he doesn't like, that is abusive controlling behavior. He is 'punishing' you in order to get you to submit to his wishes and give him his way.

 

Frankly, people who do this are jerks and controlling and it makes for a BAD relationship. The fact that he has his friend spy on you is also controlling and manipulative behavior. He's trying to show you he is in control of you, and even when he is punishing you and not around, he is still trying to control you and keep tabs on you via his friend. That is a really sick situation.

 

I think you should break up with this guy. No good will come of this.

 

How are you able to tell if someone is keeping tabs on you, if they wont admit to it?

[Lilliene]

Abitbroken yes I admit I gave him an ego massage eveytime so he is used to it. Probably enjoys it too. Thid so called friend is a journalist and is going thru a financial tough patch so probably getting some money out of my bf. He s very good at it. The only good thing is that even my bf had a bit of a rough patch re finances n career last couple of weeks. I tried to be nice and be there but he does not deserve sympathy.

[Lilliene]

Nfperception. I caught him once red handed calling my domestic help guy who used to regularly report to him during his disappearing acts. I took over that guy s cell n located several calls. I then gave him a missed call from the same number and he called back right away thinking my domestic help has something to report.

[Lilliene]

Lavenderdove pl tell me how can u give such guys an impression that their punishment wont work this time. Since u ve identified his mental disorder pl tell me how to turn the tables on him. He is mentally v susceptible to playing such games. I ll be ever so grayeful to u.

[nfperception]

Nfperception. I caught him once red handed calling my domestic help guy who used to regularly report to him during his disappearing acts. I took over that guy s cell n located several calls. I then gave him a missed call from the same number and he called back right away thinking my domestic help has something to report.

 

Oh, wow... I'm sorry.

[abitbroken]

Lavenderdove pl tell me how can u give such guys an impression that their punishment wont work this time. Since u ve identified his mental disorder pl tell me how to turn the tables on him. He is mentally v susceptible to playing such games. I ll be ever so grayeful to u.

 

How do you give him the impression that punishment won't work? EASY. Don't go begging him back. If he doesn't want to contact you - then fine. Don't contact HIM. AT ALL. no email, no phone - no nothing. go about your life, consider yourself broken up, tell your domestic helper not to communicate with your EX, and distance yourself with this "friend." Don't let him hang out at your place or let him be a shoulder to cry on. Don't tell him why - just be too busy to have time for him right now. if you see him at a mutual friends' party just be cordial. Don't give the friend any info, in other words.