how do i politely decline an ex's attempt to be friends?

[ChellyV]

a brief history: this is a 3 year on and off relationship, and each time, he would leave me saying he is not ready for a relationship. we would rekindle via email after say, a 5 month respite, the vulnerable and naive me would always take him back with open arms.

 

recently he has done it again. he would show up at my outdoor events as it is heavily advertised and i am listed as a vendor. he is very polite and courteous. my birthday is coming up and he had stated he will order me a spa treatment as a gift. i didn't say anything.

 

while i still have feelings for this person, i do not want any more drama as i have reached a certain quiet in my life where i have accepted that things just wouldn't work out. i do not want to be a hater too. how do i politely make myself clear to this person that i truthfully do not want a roller coaster relationship anymore?

[Fredd]

Just tell him your last sentence.

Tell him "You are very kind, and I really appreciate it, but as I saw how things went in the past, I don't want a roller coaster relationship anymore".

 

And if he says he just wants to be your friend, tell him you can be polite and civil but not friends - at least, not right now - as you can't see him in a neutral way.

So if he wants to be your friend, one day maybe, it would be really nice if he could let you be instead of putting pressure on you.

 

I think sometime saying the truth is just the best way.

[sharky988]

The next time he contacts you, send him a one line reply saying you've decided it's best to stop all contact between you, so you can heal and move on. Thank him in advance for understanding -- and you're done!

 

After that, if he continues to contact you, just ignore him. Block his email, phone -- and of course block him on Facebook.

 

I agree it's best to take the high road and stay polite, but don't engage with him at all after that.

[csmith224422]

You just got to be upfront with him. Tell him exactly what you just said. Its either we're together and this is serious or we can't be in touch anymore and we need to both move on. That a friendship at this point is not possible but maybe after some more time has passed.

 

It's always just best to be upfront with someone and tell them how it is. You can do that nice and polite manner.

[mhowe]

In addition to the above statements, tell him a birthday gift is not necessary.

[HeartGoesOn]

how do i politely make myself clear to this person that i truthfully do not want a roller coaster relationship anymore?

 

There is no chance of this happening until you're truly ready to let go. When you do get to that point, they'll be no hesitation, as well no question as to how to go about it.

[ChellyV]

thank you all. today it was lingering in my head and i believe, when it comes up, i should be ready. it is true that you and only you can put an end to someone causing you misery or draw the line on how someone treats you. i am quite exhausted of me and his drama really. adults and wanting the same thing but just can't stay focused.

[nfperception]

thank you all. today it was lingering in my head and i believe, when it comes up, i should be ready. it is true that you and only you can put an end to someone causing you misery or draw the line on how someone treats you. i am quite exhausted of me and his drama really. adults and wanting the same thing but just can't stay focused.

 

Yes, and he needs to respect your decision. If he doesn't, well that's on him, not you.