What is his deal?

[vix8]

Okay so I've been friends with this guy for 4 years, good friends. And we hooked up after going on vacation together a month ago. He's been "crushing" on me (his words) for a long time, and I've always noticed that, same with other people, but I had a boyfriend so I'd ignore it. So we get back from vacation and he comes to see me an we hook up again. Now he texts me first every single day, whereas before vacation we barely texted. He usually says goodnight, asks me what I'm up to, tells me what he's doing without me asking, or finds reasons to text me, ect. Now I'm getting bored of his messages because they aren't really conversations. I feel like I have a ghost boyfriend. I'm getting kind of frustrated that he's not making plans to hang out. We do live an hour away from each other, and he is extremely busy with his 2 jobs and sports, and barely has a day off.. so I understand if we can't see each other that much. But I don't understand why he keeps texting me and doesn't make an effort to make plans. I've asked him when he's free twice, and he says I will check work, or we get to that question before we go to bed, and then he says lets talk about this tomorrow, but he doesn't or forgets to bring it up. It's been 3 weeks now.. like really? I feel like I don't even want to text him anymore. He doesn't call either. One time I drunk texted him saying call me if your still awake because I felt like talking to him, but he was sleeping. Next day, he says he will call me more because he hates texting. I'm not a huge fan of texting either. I don't get it.. why is he still texting me then if he hates it, and not calling? I'd honestly rather call because texting is getting us no where.. but I feel like I can't call him because he's always working, plus I don't want to call him either because I already did it the first time, so I feel like he should reciprocate if he likes me back. This is annoying because he is my friend.. so I feel a little bad when I flirt with other people. And I don't even want to sleep around with anyone else because I have a hard time trusting people.. and I trust him. If he actually likes me.. then he's going to get hurt because I'm losing interest, and starting to just want the sex. So what is his deal? Like he has time to call me for 10 minutes when he's home from work....

[pl3asehelp]

I would assume he's satisfied with what he's getting now, which it sounds like is no strings attached sex. If that doesn't work for you, I think you need to tell him. Since you guys haven't talked about being exclusive, you shouldn't feel bad about about flirting with whoever you like. Assume he's doing the same.

[DylanNotorious]

Your a time-filler and he's getting his thrills that your interested. But your more of a texting buddy than a woman he'd go red-hot over.

[itsallgrand]

Well cause you have allowed yourself to fall into the 'text and hang girl' role. I know you probably aren't thinking of it this way; but here is the breakdown, hookup, text, hookup, text, and ....date? nah. why? hookup!

 

Fundamental laziness of humans. He gets something by doing almost nothing. And he's pretty sure that will keep coming, until one day you get sick of it.

But until then, woo hoo.

 

I'm not criticizing you. You are asking a question about why he would do this. Cause you made it easy for him to do this. I know it's not 'fair'. But right from beginning, you gotta make it clear what you want.

 

What to do now? I guess communicate it clearly to him what you want and don't settle for less. And don't take it personally. Just rather, don't repeat the mistake again. Even decent people can fall into laziness and getting what they can for nothing.

 

ANd most importantly, no more hookups. AKA sex.

 

You had a prior friendship, so I hope you can recover that. I think it's possible if handled right.

 

And i agree, no reason you should feel bad about flirting with others. You guys just hook up. The nature of that is no commitment. And it's why he is acting as he is.

[vix8]

Well I guess I allowed this to happen because we were on vacation and I literally was thinking in the moment, and didn't even think that after vacation we would be any different. For some reason I though we would just go back to normal. I thought we were just getting our sexual urges out of the way that have been a build up for too long! lol! But then here he is texting me everyday.. makes me think he likes me. Then he kisses me goodbye on the lips and says stuff like "I'm not like other guys", "I want this moment to last", ect.. And I told him straight up.. don't make me fall for you, don't say things unless you mean it. He says "why wouldn't I mean it?" I don't think our friendship will end over this, we are both good, social people. And he said no matter what happens, we won't stop being friends.

 

So he's acting the way he is.. because he doesn't want me with other dudes? Makes sense..... I mean I don't wanna know about him with other girls, but I wouldn't try to stop him or ask. I'd rather just not know. I'm kinda over the whole possession phase lol.

[pl3asehelp]

Huh? No he's not acting this way because he doesn't want you with other dudes. He's getting all he wants right now.

 

What does being a social person have to do with this?