Moving to a new city...

[CocoaBean]

Me ex and I broke up 3 months ago. We ran a restaurant together. In doing this I pretty much gave up a lot of my friends and life as I knew it. The restaurant had just opened and we worked hard getting it to where it was. We did this together for 4 years.

 

Now I have been still working with him. Was going ok. But I don't have the same drive and passion for the place I work at. I have been an above average employee and have always given 110% to almost every job. It is part of who I am. It makes me feel like a failure to not have my heart in this anymore. And seeing him there is a constant reminder of how much of my life I gave up to do this with him. I even used to get along well with most of the employees, have fun at work and a positive attitude all the time. I dont have a connection with the employees anymore, I don't feel like myself anymore, and e place I used to be so proud to be a part of is tearing me down. The regulars all love me, it's hard.

 

I am contemplating moving, About 5 hours away, I do have some family I can be near. I don't have a whole lot of friends anymore...

 

Has anyone ever had to do this? Move by themselves and pretty much start a whole new life? How? Any advice or past experiences would be greatly appreciated.

[Deejmonster]

I moved to a new state after college to start a job... a place where I knew nobody.. and I must say, its rough. Its been two years since the first move and in a week I am moving again. I have met a lot of people in the process and attempted to make as many friends as possible but for some reason I eventually wind up alone. I am hoping with this new move that better opportunities will present themselves for me and that I will actually do something with them when they happen. My 2 cents, its quite possible to pick up and start over with great success, you just have to be willing to put yourself out there to new opportunities and don't expect everything to go right the first time. It takes time and a lot of patience. You only get out what you put in though, just remember that.

[SapphireNoir10]

Someone on here once said that the only problem with moving is that you still take yourself with you. As in moving won't help you escape the pain of the break up etc.

 

If you genuinley want to move for a fresh start and to meet new people and get away then go for it, just make sure you get yourself a job first.

[CocoaBean]

At this point I'm not looking to escape the pain. That i know ill still have to deal with. I Want to feel good about myself again, find a new job, etc. everything in my life is so connected to him. Everyone I know, he knows. Really have spent the last 4 years helping him grow his business. I just feel like I need a breath of fresh air.

 

I have always been career driven, I need to find a job that I love again. It hurts too much to be here and feel like all the hard work I have done for 4 years has been for nothing.

[Jimbly]

I moved to the US west coast from the UK 13 years ago with just a backpack. I did already have a job lined up though, and that is key. Being in my late 20's it was pretty easy to meet new people because I had roommates. Now, being older and single with no family nearby, it's a lot harder (especially with a kid). It's also hard to make long-term friends at work since most people move on after 2-3 years due to the nature of my profession.

 

Having family nearby will certainly help in your case, but don't make the mistake I made of not developing a wider social network.

 

Websites like Meetup have really helped me a lot the past few weeks. As another poster said, you really need to put yourself out there. I'm not very good at meeting new people, especially in group situations, and it's taken a lot of effort to start talking to complete strangers. Meetup is good because at least you can find people with a shared interest to get you started. Whether I'll become good friends with any of the people I've met remains to be seen, but it's been great so far!

[sharky988]

OP I remember your story from when you first posted and I think it's great you're getting ready to move on and move away!

 

I think it's especially helpful in your case because so much of yourself is tied to your work -- which is great that you love what you do so much, I'm the same way -- but in your current situation that's all tied to this man.

 

I've relocated many times -- east coast to west coast to back again, with a few other stops in between. It's liberating. Yeah, you bring your history and your pain -- but you also put yourself in a new environment where good things can start to happen for you again. New work, new friends, new opportunities.

 

You've been tied to this guy for 4 years, helping to make HIS dreams come true -- now it's time to put YOU and YOUR dreams first! I think it's awesome.

[CocoaBean]

Its hard to even think about leaving. It's like breaking up all over again leaving my job. And actually leaving him.

[sharky988]

It's going to make it so much easier for you to get over him, though. You need to get away from him and that restaurant!