HELP! I think my boyfriend has lost attraction to me :(

[CaliforniaGirl2222]

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We are expecting our first child in August. He is SO excited about the baby. The past 7 months he has not left my side. We are trying to save, so we have been staying at my moms which is not an ideal situation. Every night he comes straight home to my moms. It is not easy for either of us.

 

The problem is, I feel he is no longer attracted to me. I feel like we are roommates.Our whole relationship he has always given me compliments and told me how beautiful I am. Daily. He has always initiated sex and kissed me passionately. He hasn't for the past 3 months. I will get the occasional "oh you look nice" if I dress up, and he cuddles me at night. That is about it.

 

The past 3 months, I can't get more than a peck from him. He will come home or go to bed without giving me a kiss hello and goodnight. I have to ask for one. It really hurts my feelings a lot. I have mentioned it to him asking for a "Real kiss" but he still won't. Only pecks. We have zero passion anymore. We've had sex a couple times in the past couple months, but it felt like he wasn't even there. It was all about him getting off...quick.

 

Not to sound conceited, but I am a very pretty girl. I've always had an amazing body. Now..not so much. His sex drive and passion has declined when I really started gaining weight. I have a seven month pregnant belly, plus I have gained a lot of weight everywhere else! My butt, thighs, arms... I went from 5'5 115 to now 160. I feel like a beached whale and the lack of affection is really hurting me.

 

Has anyone gone through this before? Is it normal? Men who have children, can you relate?

 

After the baby is born I know it will take awhile to get in shape. I'm worried I''ll never have my old body, but I will try really hard. I cant wait that long to bring the passion back in our relationship. Is there anything I can do now??

[pl3asehelp]

I have kids and all I can say is most of the time your mind is on them. In your particular situation I sounds really stressful. Living at an in-laws and about to be a father. Not exactly stuff to get you horny. For you, you're used to complimenta and being the center of attention for him. That all changes as a parent. Different dynamic, different priorities, everyone is either tired or sick all the time, etc. to me relationships with kids cat even be compared to the indulgent and carefree relationships that are possible without kids.

 

I'd just focus on the baby for now.

[Gimpyrks]

What can you do now? Talk to him about it. He's the father of your baby so you should be able to talk openly to him by now he might just need to know how you are feeling!

[Seraphim]

The pre-pregnant and postpartum body will always be different even if you get back into shape it will still be different. So don't expect your body to be exactly the same as before.

 

Second ,I'm sure he is attracted to you but maybe he is afraid of harming the baby. A lot of men have that fear. Even though they know logically not possible. For them a baby is not real until they see evidence of the baby which now he can see. So I would talk to him about that.

 

Three, living with family is not exactly the best situation. It is not really conducive to intimacy.

[CaliforniaGirl2222]

Thanks for the replies.

 

Pl3asehelp- Thanks. I know the focus needs to be on the baby now, and I know it is going to be a dramatic life changing experience.We will never have the carefree life we once had.

I just don't want the passion to die, ya know? He is stressed and our living situation is horrible at the moment. It was like that a couple months ago though and he was still interested. The baby isn't even here yet and he has stopped being passionate. I feel it started when I really started to show. I'm worried it is just going to get worse. My self esteem is horrible and I feel like I won't ever look like I once did. Can I ask, were you less attracted to your wife/girlfriend when she was pregnant? Do you still make time for just the two of you?

 

Gimp- Thank you. I have talked to him about it. He just acts like there is nothing different and doesn't see a problem.

 

Victoria- Thank you. I don't know if he's afraid of hurting the baby. We have had sex and he hasn't said anything. He just isn't romantic like he was during sex. It's not just sex either. It's being intimate at all. He's just not into it. If I try to touch him or get him in the mood he will say he is tired. He's always has had a high sex drive. Now he hasn't initiated anything and even rejects me most of the time when I try. Maybe once a week.

[Seraphim]

My husband was very attracted to me when I was pregnant he thought I was the hottest thing ever. But he was still afraid he might "hurt the baby". My guess is if it showed up when you first started showing that might be part of it.

 

And I'm positive the other part of it is a crappy living conditions.

[offplanet]

I think it makes sense that some men might not be sexually attracted to the pregnant woman's body shape. If that's the case I don't see how that could be changed. It's just life (one of the not good parts of life!) Of course that doesn't apply to all men. Hopefully at least after the baby's born he would be attracted again. This is just my cynical opinion but I think with a lot of people the woman once she has children changes from being the man's mistress to being more like his mother, or a mother, which of course she is, and men often stray at this stage. It's a tough position for a woman to be in, as what can she really do about it? I think it's biological. The former passion often goes by the wayside when crying demanding babies come into the picture.

[22n32]

Its a diff type of attraction, guys attraction deff grows to his pregnant gf or wife, but its diff then that lusty attraction one might have or had before.

[abitbroken]

Living with my spouse's folks would absolutely kill my sex drive. I would always be looking over my shoulder and there would be no way i would be given or give a deep passionate kiss. I would suggest going on cheap dates together as well. I would try to find a place of your own before baby comes...or as soon as you are feeling well after baby is born and you establish a routine with baby.

[abitbroken]

btw, he is clearly showing he loves you by being there by your side and not wanting to miss a minute by coming right home after work. He is also showing love by being excited about the baby.

[CaliforniaGirl2222]

I think it makes sense that some men might not be sexually attracted to the pregnant woman's body shape. If that's the case I don't see how that could be changed. It's just life (one of the not good parts of life!) Of course that doesn't apply to all men. Hopefully at least after the baby's born he would be attracted again. This is just my cynical opinion but I think with a lot of people the woman once she has children changes from being the man's mistress to being more like his mother, or a mother, which of course she is, and men often stray at this stage. It's a tough position for a woman to be in, as what can she really do about it? I think it's biological. The former passion often goes by the wayside when crying demanding babies come into the picture.

 

I understand men not being attracted to the pregnant body. It's not exactly "Sexy" However to say men often stray on their wife/girlfriend after their baby is born is horrible. Maybe some immature men do, but not men who are in love with their partner and excited to start a family together.

[Seraphim]

You would be surprised a lot of men are attracted to a pregnant woman. There are many many many many of them. I felt very sexy when pregnant probably more so than any other time in my life. Why? Because I had the ability to create something very wonderful.

[CaliforniaGirl2222]

Living with my spouse's folks would absolutely kill my sex drive. I would always be looking over my shoulder and there would be no way i would be given or give a deep passionate kiss. I would suggest going on cheap dates together as well. I would try to find a place of your own before baby comes...or as soon as you are feeling well after baby is born and you establish a routine with baby.

 

Yeah, it is VERY hard living at my moms. I don't expect him to be all over me in front of her haha. We stayed at my moms in the beginning of our relationship and then got our own place. There were no problems. Even the first couple of months back there were no problems. .

 

 

Last night when we went to bed he just said "good night hunny" and rolled over. I started crying. He asked what was wrong and I just said my back hurt. I don't know why I didn't tell him. Then I had to ASK him for a good night kiss. He actually said "Why do I need to turn over to give you a kiss. You can come kiss me" He then gave his usual peck lol. I asked for a real kiss and he shoved his tongue down my throat for a second and turned away. I just don't understand.

[Seraphim]

The only way you're going to understand is to talk about it. Do not talk about big problems at bedtime. Tell him in the first part of the day you want to make time to have a conversation about something that is bothering you. Sit down with him and actually talk about it and express your feelings using I statements not accusing statements. For example say feel sad and unsexy because I feel you are not attracted to me anymore" Ask him how he is feeling. If people communicated more their relationships would be better off. You are embarking on a life together and created another human being so you both have to start talking.

[CaliforniaGirl2222]

You would be surprised a lot of men are attracted to a pregnant woman. There are many many many many of them. I felt very sexy when pregnant probably more so than any other time in my life. Why? Because I had the ability to create something very wonderful.

 

I agree that pregnant woman are beautiful. Creating a human being is an amazing thing. However sexy? I really don't think so. If that was the case preggo porn would be popular haha. A lot of men still desire their wives and girlfriends when they are pregnant like yours did, I just think like the poster said above, it's a different kind of attraction.

 

I feel like my boyfriend isn't attracted at all.

[Seraphim]

I agree that pregnant woman are beautiful. Creating a human being is an amazing thing. However sexy? I really don't think so. If that was the case preggo porn would be popular haha. A lot of men still desire their wives and girlfriends when they are pregnant like yours did, I just think like the poster said above, it's a different kind of attraction.

 

I feel like my boyfriend isn't attracted at all.

 

You would be surprised at what porn is popular.

[CaliforniaGirl2222]

The only way you're going to understand is to talk about it. Do not talk about big problems at bedtime. Tell him in the first part of the day you want to make time to have a conversation about something that is bothering you. Sit down with him and actually talk about it and express your feelings using I statements not accusing statements. For example say feel sad and unsexy because I feel you are not attracted to me anymore" Ask him how he is feeling. If people communicated more their relationships would be better off. You are embarking on a life together and created another human being so you both have to start talking.

 

That's the thing. I have talked about it. I ask if he is still attracted to me and he says "of course, you are beautuful" And last night even though it was before bed, I asked why he didn't kiss me passionately anymore. His response was that it will turn him on and he is too tired for sex.

 

We have pretty good communication. I just can't see him saying "I am not attracted to you anymore"

[Seraphim]

Maybe he actually is tired. That does happen. In long-term relationships you will find the frequency of sexual behavior goes up and down. I have been with my husband for 25 years. And it's not always crazy monkey sex all the time. People get sick ,people have kids ,your job bothers you, your hormones change, medications interfere.

 

I think sometimes people assume that crazy monkey sex lasts forever and nothing ever changes it. Change happens. It sounds like you were talking about it but he is not. Just be aware there won't be passion all the time it's just that it evens out over time. Recognizing that is the key to longevity in a partnership.

[abitbroken]

Instead of crying and lying why you are - why not come on to HIM sometime?? Is he supposed to do everything? How about a hand job even to get things going? It would be on the 12th of never that I would have sex under a parents' roof but maybe he would be comfortable with that. Also, maybe he is just not educated about pregnant women. You can do a "you know...with all this extra estrogen floating around I really am horny. Why don't we slip away to a B&B this weekend? Don't worry, the baby is protected by a membrane. " Or even come on to him a little bit when your folks are out. There are so many sex killers here - him being afraid to hurt the baby or thinking you a't have sex, the folks, long hours, etc..

[pl3asehelp]

I was just as attracted to my wife as ever while she was pregnant, but she felt similar to you. It wasn't about her and it may not be about you. About to become a father is a stressful time and yeah, you can often be very tired with all the work involved, which only gets 100 times worse when the baby is born. At that time the last thing on my mind was passion or getting laid. Really nothing to do with how attractive you are or you at all. Just not a time where sex is high on the list of priorities. My honest opinion is where there is a baby on the way it's not a good time to go looking for relationship problems because life is about to get harder than you ever imagined. This really is tough when your self esteem is dependent on attention. It could just not be important to him right now. If it's really important to you right now you may have to initiate more than you're used to.

 

I think the likelyhood of it being about him being afraid to hurt he baby is very small.

[SapphireNoir10]

A lot of men do loose attraction when a woman is pregnant. NOT because you are not attractive but because the idea of a baby being in there along with their penis, and the thought of hurting the baby can creep them out. It's not mature or rational but that's the way it is.

 

I'm sure once the baby is born after a few months when you are feeling better things will return to normal. Me and my partner had sex reguarly early on in pregnancy then I had a bleed and it scared us and it took a while for him to get OK with sex again, but I often felt too heavy or tired, but we did have sex when I was 7/8 months a bit but not as much as before. Now the baby is born were back to normal.

 

Maybe he is stressed, or distracted as well. Try not to worry too much. I know it's hard but focus on you and the baby and nurturing the relationship in other ways.

[Kristenelaine]

I dont like making excuses for anyone. Sure, maybe he doesnt want to have sex because there is a baby in there...but a kiss he wont even give you?

 

He seems resentful in a way...I think you guys need to sit down and have a really good talk about what is going on.

 

If a man was acting that way towards me, pregnant or not, Id fear for my relationship. It seems he is just going through the motions because he has too.

[Jennifer89]

I don't think I could even have sex at my mom's house...