I think I change my mind...

[Phoenix Down]

Well I think I have to walk away from this one. I was doing so well until she emailed me and asked if I wanted to do something. The two weeks that came after we're great, we talked and made plans but we both had problems trying to meet up, I had work or school, or she did. And after a while I tried to confide in her about my parents spliting up, she never wrote back. It was pretty long, but only about my mom and dad, nothing about us. I think the fact that I was willing to trust in her with a problem may have pushed her away, it's been almost a week and still no responce. Any way the reason I was doing this post is I thinking of sending her a email to put an end to all this torture, it reads as falloews...

 

(I've been thinking... I dont think it's a good I idea for us to hang out. I'm really sorry Deja)

 

The reason why I say that is because I was proud of how well I was doing on my own. And all she had to do was write one little email and my world started to close back up again. My thoughts got twisted and it's just not good for me. As much as it hurts, I think I'm better off alone. Let me know if you think I'm just over reacting. I haven't sent the letter yet. I thought I wait and see what you guys thought.

[majord23]

Don't send it PD.

 

If you truly want to walk away from this one, just walk away and leave what you want to say left unsaid.

If you're anything like me, you'll want to send that 'final' email hoping to get some closure - but if you're honest with yourself I bet you'll also be hoping to get some kind of reply to it as well. If that doesn't happen, how will you feel then?

Better, because she is out of your life?

Or worse, because you ended this version of your relationship and may have hurt her in the process?

 

Not that her feelings should be taken into account at all.....but the way YOU feel about her feelings is what you will be left to deal with bro.

 

Sending that email will also suggest to her that things bother you enough to warrant you sending an email telling her you can't hang out anymore.

 

If you don't send it, she is the one left with the burden of knowing it was her actions (or lack thereof) that ultimately ended it. You, on the other hand, can hold your head up high knowing that you didn't end anything.....it was all her. And that my friend, in the months ahead, is what you'll cherish most - knowing that you had nothing to do with anything that 'failed' between you.

 

That is obviously looking at it from a worst case scenario however mate. I wouldn't right this girl off just yet....no matter what steps you take at the moment (sending/not sending the email), I don't think it's the last you've heard from her - not by a long shot.

[iceesnowbubble]

i agree. don't send it. If you are trully okay with walking away, then just walk away. She doesn't need a "final" email. Your silence is more powerful anways. IF you send her somethig then she will be able to tell that you have been wondering why she hasnt replied. Just leave it how it is. Either way you are walking away, so why put in that last word? It's unecessary.

[Phoenix Down]

Ok, I have been doing a bit of drinking, I wont send it, but I cant stand the way this makes me feel. I've always gone form one relationship to another, so I was glad to see I was doing ok on my own with out anyone. Then she pops up out of the blue and gets me crazy again. It's just not good for me. I thought the email would just be a good way to shut the door and walk away. I dont want to but I have to think of me. Something I dont do too often which is why I'm so torn. So now if I just walk away and she contacts me...what then. I don't want to be cold but I think this hurts been around too long. My music was doing so well, songs of rebirth and positive outlooks. But after she emailed me the music turned to her. My only outlet and now she floods that as well. I wish I had more control of my music. I hate pouring my heart into these songs knowing that one day no matter how hard I try to keep them from her she'll come accross a copy from a friend and blow up off of it. I'm sorry...I'm just under a lot of stress...

[iceesnowbubble]

PD, just calm down. Our logic is so much more skewed under pressure. Just think about things reasonable and think about exactly what you want. Once you figure it out, sit on it for a good WEEK. Try to not be emotional about what you want to do..i know its hard, but you have to remember that so you don't do anything t hat you will regret. Plus, your music is probably wonderful BECAUSE you are putting so much emotion into it. If she ever came accross it she should appreciate it, not look down upon it or blow up. Everything is going to be fine... so stop drinking!

- ICEE.

[Recovering_Lover]

Hey PD,

 

I don't know if it this would help, But I would suggest, you set a time period , for example 1 month and say , you won't contact her for 1 month. Keep to your promise, don't break it no matter what your heart says.

 

Then after the one month, see if you still feel the same. During the one month, also try to work yourself out, anything you want to "write" to her, write it into a diary or here or anywhere esle, execpt to her.

 

Express out all your feelings, emotions, etc... so that you are not keeping them within you, but are actually expressing everything out.

 

Try it, it might help. Tell yourself , anything I want to do , I'll do after a month.

 

my 2 cents.

 

Take care.

 

R.L.

[shockeddismayed]

PD,

 

I am the king of drunk emails.... both sent and unsent.

 

I know where you are at... I know how you are feeling.

 

You need to realize that you are STILL doing really well. It takes these days to realize so poignantly how she can *draw you in* if you aren't careful.

 

It's ok dude... you recognized it before it got too bad. You are fine. You have a healthy outlook on this.

 

Don't send the email. Wake up tomorrow and say "man, I was down last night... something changed from how I was before she emailed. I let her actions control my happiness... I won't let her do that... my happiness is mine." Then go and do some of the things that were making you happy before... exercise, play music, whatever your routine was, do it.

 

By the way... almost ALL of the best music comes from the rollercoaster emotions relationships take us on.... you are likely at your creative best. Who cares if she is the subject of the some of the songs.... it's just one more way of venting in a healthy manner.

 

You are money my friend... you're money. (lol... had to through in the swingers reference).

 

But seriously, allow yourself this slack. This is part of the natural grieving cycle. ... and trust me from experience, the cycles of up, down and inbetween WILL continue for a while longer.... but the plus side is that the positive cycles will become easier to get back to, and harder to get out of.

 

Trust that.

[Recovering_Lover]

" let her actions control my happiness"

 

I think these words...need to be considered. Its a insight . You should neve let anyone's action control your happiness.

 

You should never let anyone to get to you. As long as you have done whatever is possible, that you should be happy with it.

 

R.L.

[fantasia2004]

So what you are telling me is that you are happier without her in your life and you just felt lonely without her?

[Phoenix Down]

I do feel a bit better today. It's good to hear these tips. The thing about the music is the more I work on it the more it hurts. But its the only thing I can do to keep my mind set in an unlocked frame. I still haven't herd from her yet. I guess I'll just stop checking for a while. It's not that I'd rather be with out her, it's just tough trying to understand what she wants from me. Sometimes she seems so intrested and then she'll do this. She is trying to move into her new place. Maybe thats why she hasn't had time to get back with me. I need to stop guessing and let things just go. I dont have control nor would I want control. I'd rather let things be natural. Do you really think it's not the last I've herd from her?

[Phoenix Down]

Guess what, she wrote back, this is waht she said, let me know what you think...

 

hey. yeah heather lives in the same place but she's never there, she hates it there, i guess thats why she's going to live with me. I cant go to FSU because i couldnt take morgan to an apartment there and i just bought a house here plus i have to much to pay for to just move and look for a job. maybe you should just ask stacy to draw you something with fire or something else so that maybe she'll do it. she can draw good but it would be boring to have alot of the same kinda picture. that sux that your dad is kinda stickin you in the middle. i mean i guess its better than shutting you out but hopefully your mom will understand that it wasnt your choice and that you had nothing to do with it. I hope she'll be ok. well i gotta go to class now only 2 years left haha. well havea good day and talk to you later

[shockeddismayed]

I think you should remove some of the smilies from your last post.

 

But seriously.... you can't let her email or lack of email control your mood so much. This is what I meant by detaching your happiness from her actions. It is a hard point to get to, but it is when you know you've truly "let go" of the process.

 

That doesn't mean that you don't hope for things to work out, but it means that you are going to take yourself off HER rollercoaster ride and let her ride it alone. You will find another rollercoaster, and ride it to your own recovery. If you meet up later cool.

 

When you get to this point, you would be able to look at her email and say objectively "It's nice that she's thinking about me, but she hasn't given me what I need, she's not truly made the effort yet... I'll steer clear of her until I see evidence that this is more than just stringing me along, or more than her just being polite."

 

When you are down b/c she's treating you poorly (like yesterday), you need to keep enough distance from her in order to keep your sanity and happiness... When she does something nice (like today) you STILL need to keep enough distance..... In the same way you won't let her bring you down to the pits of depression, you can't allow her to bring you to the peak of happiness. At least not until she earns your trust back.

 

Just my food for thought.

[Phoenix Down]

About the smiles, it was because I didn't think I'd hear from her so soon. I don't look at it as "we're getting back to gether". Thats still way down the road. If ever. It just cought me off guard, I was done and decided to check it this morning one more time before I let things ride out and there it was. I'm going wait to respond a little bit. Theres not much to respond to. I was going to wait and see if she brings up anything about going out some time. I also might have watch what I say. I got a strange PM from someone on this site that knew a little more than they should. I looked up the profile, all it said was the person was a girl, and their from Florida.

I'm guessing it may be her or possably a friend of hers, or some one taping my phone line. j/j I don't know. But if it keeps up, I'm not sure how much longer I can do posts her with too much info. it was probably just chance, but this person knew a little too much detail on somthing I've never even spoke of on this forum. Strange...

[hockeyboy]

that is stange. but you know that if you want to stay on the site to get advice you can always pm back and forth with people.

[Phoenix Down]

True, if thats even the case.

[hockeyboy]

im curious as to what this person knew. if you dont mind divulging, let me know either on here or through pm. if you dont want thats cool too.

[Phoenix Down]

She asked something about a song I wrote just last week, I'm still not done with it, The hook says "I wish today was the first day I met you".

sense it's a new track, the only people who have a copy of it are me and another friend of mine whose wife is friends with my ex. But they dont have internet. She asked what it was saposed to mean. It means today I know all that was wrong and have fixed it. And if we just met (my ex and I) No walls would be in our way to happiness. I do have some songs on a college web site, but their all off of the last album. As far as I know, only Bret and I know of the words. Maybe his wife, but I asked them to keep it quiet. Bret writes music as well, and I think he wants to on this track.