2 years on...

[Slow Club]

I think I've more or less moved on. I certainly don't pine for her like I used to.

 

But there are still some underlying issues. The main one is: how do you deal with the fact that you may have feelings for these person for a very long time...maybe even forever?

 

I don't want these feelings anymore and haven't for a long time. But it's not something you can just switch off in your head.

 

My tactic is to just embrace it. To just accept that I really like this girl and to perhaps use it in some way?

 

Bear in mind she was my first love which people say you never truly get over.

[mhowe]

That is a myth. You do get over it.

But, she can always be special in your heart.

So, you remember all the good things and bring them to the next relationship, and you remember the bad things and try not to do them again.

[Slow Club]

Ok then, but where's the line between 'being over someone' and them 'having a special place in your heart'.

 

To me, it seems like this line is often blurred and in some cases, non-existent. Rather, it's a spectrum.

[craigslist]

One of my truest loves, it took my three years to get over, and I still dream of her. I felt true love with her (in my own version of what love is) and I am proud to say that I am truly over her now, and that the dreams have changed. Time heals all wounds...that is true. To get someone else does help if it is a good relationship, but a rebound rarely does. Focusing in you and who you are and stand for will be a great starting point. Avoid alcohol.

[justletgo07]

I agree with mhowe. I think you do get over it.

 

That said, I think you can keep yourself fixated on something without realizing you're doing it. Thinking about your ex is a habit, which means you have to actively work to get yourself out of the habit. There are a lot of good articles and books on "thought stopping" that can help you to train your brain to no longer go to thoughts of your ex out of habit.

 

Might be worth looking in to.

[Slow Club]

So i'm supposed to just wait it out?

[mhowe]

It doesn't just disappear --- it becomes dimmer as time passes and you are focused on other things.

[playstheblues]

sometimes I don't think people 'get over it' rather they learn to live with how it is now. 'Getting over it' and being 'healed' are both subjective terms- but to me, when something rocks the core of who you are, and changes you forever, I don't necessarily know if there is a difference between having a special place in your heart and being over someone. Your feelings, regardless of the so called 'status' of the feelings i.e. whether you are 'over' someone or not, really just depends on how you view it.

[Slow Club]

I agree with those sentiments playstheblues. There is a lot of subjectivity with many things, especially emotions like this.

 

I often thought that healing is more about 'learning to live with it'. Especially when the emotions are so ingrained into you that they are now a part of you.

 

It's tricky. I guess everybody has different ways of dealing with problems.

[FreeFallFeelin]

Your "first true love" will one day be redefined when you find your REAL "first true love". Trust me, you'll get over her, just like you will your future "exes".

 

You'll never forget her, and you'll probably always be able to reflect on your relationship with her and feel the tug on your heart. But it won't bring you to your knees. One of the great and very painful lessons from a breakup is the fact that life is full of change, and losing people we love. Learning that lesson doesn't make it easier to deal with the losses, but keeping it in perspective helps us remember that losing somebody doesn't mean our life ends. It is just part of life, so we have to learn to move on.

 

I'm at the point in my own healing (more than 1.5 years) where I became so sick and tired of living with the sad and pining me, that I just kicked him out. Like "dude, 'sad me', you're not welcome in my home or my mind anymore!" ...and I've turned a corner mentally. Thank God.

[Slow Club]

I do a similar thing where I 'kick' her apparition in my mind out...but they always come back. To be fair, i'm much better than I was but it feels like there are always times, occasionally, where I just give in and accept the pining.