What kind of therapy would I seek for getting over my girlfriend's past?

[XD0055]

Hello everyone, I am a 20 year old virgin.

I've had pretty crappy luck in relationships until recently which is part of the reason

why I'm still a virgin. As a result I kind of feel like I'm mentally stuck in the days of being a 18 year old

or the like as I find it depressing and actually hard to accept that I will probably never have a chance

to take a girl's virginity as mine will eventually be taken. Its not like the act alone fuels my feelings though.

I just feel as though when I find that one girl, she'll always remember her first sexual experience, who the guy was,

blah, blah, blah, and I'm just another guy shes had sex with. I'd just like to be remembered as some girl's first as a

ton of guys have and on top of that, I feel somewhat cheated that I've waited all this time, growing up and thinking

that my first time is gonna be some incredible experience of two people having awkward sex and getting better and better at it...

But it dosen't look like thats ever gonna happen unless I commit a crime and have sex with a 16 year old and that isnt an option.

 

So anyways moving on... I got pretty far off subject.

You've probably read my previous posts. I've met this girl

who I have amazing chemistry with and will be her first for

a couple things like a possible first love, first boyfriend,

we both suck at kissing so we'd learn that together,

I was the first guy she's danced with and likewise for her,

but shes had sex before although I feel like there is a slim

chance she's lied about it but I doubt it cause she went

way into detail and starting chewing me out for things I didnt say...

But I like this girl, I know two other virgin girls. But I really wanna be there

for this girl. At work, she frequently occupies my thoughts, sparks fly when we cuddle,

our awkward "peck" kisses are amazing, and we like a lot of the same stuff.

But I can't shake the feeling of being disappointed that she isn't a virgin. I've

really tried really hard and while it works sometimes but usually only

when I'm sexually frustrated or really want sex. But my logical mind, I can't get over it.

If I'm going to be with this girl, I want to be able to give her my 100% and I can't

if I'm going to be regretting I had sex with her every day of my life, if we ever do that. Sometimes

I just wish I had just took those opportunities I had in the past to be a sleezeball and have sex with a

girl just because I could have had sex. But my morals were that of a 30 year hardcore christian man.

So I've come to the conclusion I'm going to seek therapy as these feels won't likely go away on thier

own as they seem to be tied in with my moral and belief system as I was raised to wait till' marriage to have sex.

Therefore on some level, I expect my mate to be a virgin which is a virtually impossible scenario in today's time so

its sort of like a closed logic loop so I just end up getting stressed about it.

 

Well anyway, sorry for writing all that, you probably didn't care to know about any of that.

So if anyone would just know what kind of therapy I should seek and an approximation of the ability of success?

[zentoCC]

Think of it this way.

 

Would you rather lose your virginity to a girl you have a great connection with who isn't a virgin.

 

Or

 

lose your virginity to girl who is a virgin who you have no connection with

 

i lost my virginity to a guy who wasn't a virgin and after he told me it was big deal for him as well because he wanted to share that connection with someone special.

 

I'm sure it will be a bug deal for her because you'll be the first guy who wants her for more than just sex, which will make you way more memorable than the last guy.

 

As for the therapy can't help, I think Americans jump into therapy way to quickly anyway just work out whats important to youu if you need help talk to a trusted friend or family member or maybe even her if you haven't all ready.

[agent1607307371]

Why is it such a big deal for you to be more than just a guy? Just being the first guy a girl has sex with doesn't make you special or give you a warm glow in her memory.

 

Also, I think you have first time sex built up in your mind a bit much. It's incredibly rare that it's incredible. Most times it's just a... thing.

[zentoCC]

Agents got a point when I lost mine there was blood everywhere it hurt like hell and I was sore for a few days after. Wasn't really the most memorable time either. At least this way you're more likely to pleasure her instead of hurt her my ex felt really guilty when he realised how sore I was the next day. I couldn't sit cross legged lol.

[pandorasbox1]

I dont know, I feel like sex is just an act, but its the connection that the two people share that makes it so special. It turns sex into 'making love'. That connection is really hard to find and if you and her have that kind of a connection, then it to her it will feel like her first time. And that is what is really important.

 

I think its important to love your partner or have a great connection with someone if you are going to engage in sex. You wont have any regrets losing your virginity to someone that you love. Trust me.

[MissMexican]

Who cares if you weren't the first? So long as you're the last... it's all that matters really. Basing your connection on the fact that she has had sex before is ridiculous. Regardless of whether or not she's a virgin doesn't mean that sex won't be a learning process. You need to learn the rhythm of her body and what she likes, what she doesn't like, what she wants to try, what she's never done. It's fun no matter what.

[XD0055]

Who cares if you weren't the first? So long as you're the last... it's all that matters really. Basing your connection on the fact that she has had sex before is ridiculous. Regardless of whether or not she's a virgin doesn't mean that sex won't be a learning process. You need to learn the rhythm of her body and what she likes, what she doesn't like, what she wants to try, what she's never done. It's fun no matter what.

Well yeah but the fact that it wouldnt be too much of a learning process for her bugged me.

You guys don't have to chew me out on it though, I realize that ti shouldn't matter, why the hell do you think I'm trying to seek advice and

help on the issue, I realize its a flawed thinking process but it isn't something you can just wake up and change instantly. But anyway, I've learned to focus more on the things I'd be first for her

such as a first love, first dozen kisses, first boyfriend, etc, etc. What I think bothered me most is the way she told me though.

I remember her saying she didn't regret it but wishes that she had waited for someone she loved which is a bit contradicting when you think about it but I think

shes really just trying not to dwell on it or think of it as a learning experience. I mean I feel as though if she could, she'd probably take it back. And while

that makes me feel a little bit better, I've still got a ways to go. But I suppose as with most things, I'll get over it eventually. I'm a bit worried that

she might get impatient though as I've decided I wanna wait until marriage to have sex.

[agent1607307371]

I've decided I wanna wait until marriage to have sex.

 

Have you told her this?

 

I really think that you might be better looking for women who share your religious beliefs.

[XD0055]

Have you told her this?

 

I really think that you might be better looking for women who share your religious beliefs.

No, not yet, because I'm actually not even sure if I want to do that, suddenly.

[XD0055]

*sigh*

So I've made up my mind that I'm going to just try and be with her and forget about it.

I can usually "live in the moment" when I'm with her and forget about her past but I often find myself thinking about it

when its just me or if she mentions something that reminds me about it which she does often but even then, I can usually go back to living in the moment and be over it for the time.

 

I was doing some research about people who feel the way I do. And I feel better knowing I'm not alone. But I'm just trying to find a way

to cope with it and move on. I mean we both like each other a lot and I feel like I like her more and more each day. I feel like I need to drop

the leash on virginity I have anyway cause I realize this will likely happen to me again if me and her ever end up not working out. Additionally,

shes probably used to sex so If I don't ever give her any, she'll probably get bored and move on too so its sorta a catch 22... I wish I had lived

my childhood a little diffirent and made myself a sexual past but oh well. But I also sorta wonder why it doesn't bother me that she's

kissed guys before me yet it bothers me she's had sex before. Thats a little funny when you think about it. I guess cause I've kissed a girl before her I dunno, but now im getting off subject...

So my question is, does anyone think this issue will eventually resolve itself and I'll just wake up one day and be sick of worrying about it or should I find a way to cope with it? Any suggestions?