When should I......

[diverp]

I have been dating this girl for a few months now. We are both in our mid-30's. I have been in long term relationships before and so has she (she has been married before). She has asked some small questions in a round about way (things pointed towards living together, but really without flat out coming and saying that).

 

I really like her and she really is affectionate with me. She likes to have her time alone with friends and so do I. We totally understand the need we both have to be with each other and with other people. I have refrained from saying anything too mushy with her, or with bringing up things too fast with her. One reason is that I don't really want to come accross as being too pushy and I want her to feel comfortable. On the other hand, I would like to tell her a little more often that I love her and that I would like to live together in the future.

 

There is a little bit of second guessing going on I guess. I don't know if it is a good idea to just flat out come out and say "I love you, lets start thinking about living together". To be honest, this is the first time in a long time that I have felt very comfortable with someone and would feel good with having a longer committment with her.

 

I guess what I am trying to figure out is what an average girl likes to hear from a guy she is dating. I don't mean what should I tell her to get her off my back kind of thing. I mean, what would I be able to tell her now that would comfort her and let her know that I am going to be around a long time with her and that I would like to take it a step further? I don't want to be pushy or come accross as clingy, I simply want her and I to be on the same page. Any thoughts?

[sankin]

what you should do is just sit down with her and have a conversation. in the conversation, talk about your love towards each other, and the fact that IF SHE WOULDN'T MIND that maybe you two could take your relationship to another level,like moving in with each other, or if you are afraid of that give her a spare key to your place,this sorta like tells her that she can come over whenever she wants to, and that you will always be there for her.

This is my advice, take it or leave it.

[Mun]

...that I am going to be around a long time with her and that I would like to take it a step further

 

Hi there,

I think you said it perfectly. You might start off by telling her that you like how things are going between the two of you. It sounds very grounded and mature.. not pushy or clingy at all.

 

Good luck, I wish you the best.

[RayKay]

Well, if you have been together for a few months and are both mid 30s, I imagine you are reasonably comfortable with one another by now.

 

I think it is fine to bring up the relationship talk - tell her that you really enjoy spending time with her, and are excited for what lays ahead. Then bring up the where do you see this going, and express that you are interested in maybe moving in together. She might be thinking same thing, but being a woman has learned it is best not to push things like that from experience

 

Good luck!

[Day_Walker]

I realize that you want to move the relaitonship along into the next stages. What you need to realize is if that is the solution that you want at this point. Since you have only been dating a couple months it seems too soon for you to make any declaration about how you feel and where you would like this to go. You need to have some idea of how she feels about you and if she wants the same thing. I believe that you should let your actions speak louder than your words and i dont mean that you should start doing more to show how you feel. Give the relationship about 2-3 more months and pay attention to her actions an see if you two are on the same page.

[RayKay]

Since you have only been dating a couple months it seems too soon for you to make any declaration about how you feel and where you would like this to go.

 

Where did you get a couple months, he said a few? I thought a few was well, a few...6 or 7? Is it less than that?

[diverp]

We have been going out since July, so that is about 4, 4 1/2 months. I think the thing that was on my mind was that she has asked once or twice about if this is a real deal relationship or just fooling around (she asked this about a couple of months into the relationship). I reassured her (I hope) and told her that I am serious about our relationship, that it wasn't some kind of fling or anything.

 

She has brought up a couple of things about knowing what it is that she wants in a relationship and not needing "a long time" (?) to figure out a relationship with someone. Now, I wasn't sure if this meant "I want to step up the relationship" or if it was meant as more of a matter of fact. I am in the same boat. I have dated a fair amount in my life and I know what it is that I want in someone. I know the kind of personality and activity level of someone that I will be a great friend with as well as a partner with.

 

I am definitely not a person who is afraid of commitment or anything. I do know that I would like to be with this girl for a long time. From experience, I have found that it is tough to find someone with the qualities I am looking for.

 

I guess I am more curious about other's exeriences with this. I may just finally tell her that I do indeed love her and look forward to doing things with her in the future. I may try the key idea. I think if done in the right context, that is a good first step at building confidence with her and letting her know I am not flippant about the relationship (I guess I am more unsure of if I give off this kind of impression, but if I don't, I am more afraid of overdoing it and pushing her away at all). Complex stuff.