pandorasbox1 Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 Recently I have gotten in contact with this guy I knew my ex disapproved of and for some reason I feel as though I am betraying my ex's trust and that I should stop speaking to this guy. (If you followed any previous posts, after being dumped and after a month of being "friends" with my ex in the hopes of working things out, I walked away a few days ago) Basically I started chatting to this guy in 2010 while I was dating someone else (Lets call him AG). He lives in USA though - halfway accross the world. Anyway, I started developing feelings for him while I was with AG and I decided it wasnt a good idea for us to keep talking. My relationship with AG ended (got dumped) and I got in contact with USAguy and he really was supportive and really helped me get through the breakup. He was an amazing friend but there was always this attraction between us. So in March of 2011 he confessed his feelings for me and we started a cyber/ LD relationship which lasted for 3 months. When I think back though, I dont consider it a real relationship and for the life of me I cant even remember why or how it ended. My current ex knew about USAguy and our "relationship" and at the time I was having contact with this guy from time to time for advice on my relationship with my now ex. Anyway, USAguy overstepped the boundary and tried to call me ALL the time and message me and it happened to be whenever I was with my (then) BF. My (then) BF saw the international code and knew it was USAguy. I confessed that I had some contact with USAguy and my (then) BF flipped out. Needless to say that was nearly the end of relationship at that stage. After about a week we worked things out and stayed together but I promised I wouldnt have any contact with USAguy again and I didnt until yesterday, which was almost a year since I last had contact with USAguy. USAguy caused a lot of problems for me in my relationship and even the mere mention of his name sent my ex over the edge... What should I do if I still feel like im betraying my ex? I feel like im messing up any chance of us possibly getting back together if I keep speaking to USAguy. I know that if my ex and I got back together at some stage I would have to stop speaking to USAguy (who clearly still has feelings for me, though I feel nothing for him). I feel like im using USAguy to help me get over my ex like he helped me with the previous one. I feel a little crazy to be honest. Im not sure what to do... Please help Link to comment
Mike80 Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 I felt this way when I slept with another woman a month into NC. I enjoyed it during, but once we were done I had the strangest urge to call my ex and break down crying....yet shes the one who got into a relationship a month after we broke up and slept with him! Feeling this way just means we simply still love our old flames and arent ready to date/see/hook up with someone else just yet. Our minds are still stuck in relationship mode; we arent thinking like single people do (which we DEFINITELY are). You cant put your life on hold, hon. Thats the worst thing you can do. Hes out living his life, you should too. And if by some chance yall get back together, hes just gonna have to DEAL WITH IT. And also, if youre not ready to give someone a chance, please dont play with USAguys head; Ive been in his shoes before and it sucks. Link to comment
pandorasbox1 Posted April 18, 2013 Author Share Posted April 18, 2013 I forgot to add though... If my ex ever found out im in contact with this guy we would definitely NOT reconcile with me. And also, if my ex found out I was in contact with this guy after reconciling, he would surely leave me again... I dont know... It feels like Im risking a lot for something that I still want. I still really want my ex to be a part of my life.... Maybe I should hold off on speaking to USAguy till im over the relationship? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 Yes you are indeed using USA guy. You know USA guy has feelings for you and you keep running to him as a crutch whenever you have relationship problems. Your reasons for wondering if you should no longer talk to USA guy are all about you and not about how completely unfair and hurtful it is to USA guy. In fact you kept talking to USA during your relationship with your ex..so you weren't concerned about his feelings nor USA guy's feelings...it was all about what made YOU feel good in the moment. You are only 21 and starting out....now is the time to start developing a better code of conduct otherwise you will spend your life using people, doing what you want despite how it hurts others, and then having these people turn their backs on you when they get fed up. Forget about the notion of cheating on your ex..that is irrelevant at this point...your real concern should be about the fact that you are using USA guy in order to feel better about yourself even though you don't care about him or his feelings...and that is not a very nice thing to do to someone. Link to comment
pandorasbox1 Posted April 18, 2013 Author Share Posted April 18, 2013 You're right... I know what im doing is wrong and I think I should learn to be alone right now. I dont want to use anyone or hurt anyone because of my own selfish needs I decided to no longer be in contact with either... Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 If you want reconciliation with your ex and you know this could hurt that chance, then stop contacting him. You wouldnt keep touching a hot stove if you knew that it was going to burn you. Link to comment
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