RayKay Posted November 15, 2004 Share Posted November 15, 2004 A few of us hanging around these forums are among the walking wounded and healed, who came here and started out on the breaking up/getting back together/healing forums. Some of us healed faster than others, some are still on their journey. And I am looking for the input from the mens side starting new relationships when they have been jaded. I know as a woman, after having some bad endings to past relationships, I can be a bit more cautious about a new thing and take the lessons learned to heart...but I am curious from the guys point of view for other reasons. While not always the case, men are often the chasers...and I wonder how being resistant to being hurt affects how you pursue and start a new relationship? The guy I have just started dating told me last week on his own accord that he is not afraid of commitment, he is a little afraid of being hurt but if everything feels right, than it is right. He just needs to now make sure it is really right. He is not ready to walk into anything blindly as his past couple relationships he jumped right in without really even knowing the girls, and they did end up breaking up with him as it turns out they were fairly incompatible and he does not want to do that again. I get the impression he is at that point where he is open to something serious, but wants the girl to accept him for whom he is, and is not going to put on a show to win her over and is going to truly feel her out before he jumps into anything. So, we are taking things really slow by mutual agreement - are not "exclusive" though not really dating anyone else either regularly - it will go somewhere, but we do not know to where/how far yet. Now in our case, we actually have a lot in common - similar interests, both athletic, and busy with our interests (something he is not used to as in past girls did not understand his passions), we are both fairly outgoing, social (both of us are Leo's), have similar senses of humour, have fun, and a great sexual chemistry. We are still in getting to know each other phase. I want more with this guy, but do not want to pressure him yet, and am being patient. I just don't know how much I should be investing in it as I don't want to get hurt either, and I don't want to pursue and scare him off. But, I am not sure how "into me" he really is. It's hard to tell, as I know he is also being somewhat cautious. I can't tell if he is taking things slow as he is "not that interested" or if it is because he is just trying to take things slow as we agreed. We see each other a couple times a week, and talk the other days for at least a few minutes either online or on the phone or by text, he will sometimes make little flirty comments with me and joke around, and make some references to more "long term like things" like about "hanging around to find out more as I have him intrigued" etc - but I get the impression he can be a "bit quiet" as he used to be shy and some of those remnants remain and I don't know him well enough to really know what he is thinking or means! When we are together, he will hold my hand, our put his arm around my waist, and such things, or when we are lying together he will caress my shoulders or arms, and run his hands through my hair, and smile a lot. But then we will go several days without seeing one another, and in that time, I have a hard time reading him. I guess what I am asking is how can I differentiate between shy and trying to just take things slow, and disinterested. And if he is interested, how can I show interest and start this relationship growing without scaring him off? I appreciate your advice, as this is the first time in a long time I have been this interested in someone, and the thing is I know we could have something great, I just don't want to be falling for someone who has a closed heart. Quote Link to comment
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