jeanettelee Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 (sorry for the double-posting. But i can't remove the one in Relationship forum. I reckon this should be put here.) I really like this guy I met at work. He's smart and kinda good looking. He's a very sweet and helpful person too. We got to spend time alone and talk because of work. I got to know him better and thought he was a great person with vision and all that. We have started texting recently but he turns out to be really sleazy. Not only would he comment on the physique of my female colleagues... He would also say things like he would want to get crazy in bed with me. I'm an adult and probably not the most innocent person on earth. But seriously, this makes me uncomfortable. I told him I wasn't comfortable about it. He would stop for some time but he would eventually get back to talk about sex. What should I do? If I completely distant him, I would feel awkward at work. Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 i would only reply to his normal texts and completely ignore the other ones, eventually he'll get the message Link to comment
Godless_Heathen Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 i would only reply to his normal texts and completely ignore the other ones, eventually he'll get the message I feel this sort of non-communication is what gets people in trouble. The best thing to do is every time he brings up sex, repeat that you think it's out of line. That is the way he'll get the message. A guy who comments on other women's bodies this way clearly has problems telling what's appropriate, and silence isn't going to correct that. Beyond that, you need to ask yourself: what do you want from him? Your subject line describes him as a "crush," but it sounds like you're turned off by his behavior. As, frankly, you should be, because "I want sex with you" when you aren't even dating is a pretty good indication he's incapable of seeing things from your perspective, which in turn means he's probably awful in relationships. Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 well she already told him it makes her uncomfortable so then i would continue with the silent treatment, if he doesn't have the decency to listen to her when she says something, well if it were me i would cut off all communication for good, but that is me..... Link to comment
Godless_Heathen Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 well she already told him it makes her uncomfortable so then i would continue with the silent treatment, if he doesn't have the decency to listen to her when she says something, well if it were me i would cut off all communication for good, but that is me..... I agree that cutting him off entirely would probably be smartest, but she said that she doesn't want to do that because they work together. With remarks this inappropriate, I suspect it's not about him lacking decency. It's more like he's borderline autistic. She's already told him once, but he needs repeated reinforcement before he'll correct his behavior. If he's capable of changing at all, that is. Link to comment
sara-pezzini Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 excuse me this has nothing to do with autism!!!!!!!!! people with autism do not do this....this just offended me...(well not me but someone close to me..) Link to comment
Lonewing Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 So either shut him up and have sex, or shut him up by putting a lot of distance between you and him. Link to comment
jeanettelee Posted April 13, 2013 Author Share Posted April 13, 2013 thanks for all the replies... actually getting into an intimate relationship with him does not seem to be an option for me. (i don't get intimate with someone who isn't a serious partner of mine. ) so i guess i'll have to distant him really. i feel so sad about what i have gotten myself into. i still quite like him for who he is except the overly-verbally-sexual bit. i really do not know how to distant him really. we work together and alone quite often. Link to comment
junebug123 Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 So either shut him up and have sex, or shut him up by putting a lot of distance between you and him. What's weird is that i kind of agree with this statement. However rude it may seem. You told someone you don't like something they are doing, they keep doing it, what are your options at this point? You are asking us for advice about a guy who clearly just wants to talk sex with you, either talk sex with him or leave the man alone, you can't change someone based on your preferences or at least the world doesn't work that way. Seems like you are asking us for advice on how to manipulate or modify his behavior and unfortunately, even if i could give you that advice, its just wrong so i choose not to. If you want to distance yourself from him, just don't reciprocate to anything that isn't work related . . . Link to comment
wolflovesmoon Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 he is talking about sex as a way of wanting to have sex with you, and once he does he will no longer show interest, period, if this guy have respect for what you want and for you in General,he shouldn`t talk about sex, gentlemen don`t do that. at this point he is your crush, not boyfriend/fiance, no commitment, no promises have been made, you still can have a crush on him from distance ( i don`t see why would you have crush on him anyway) it may be awkward but better safe than sorry, keep it work related, draw a line now, if he crosses it then he is not good for you. Link to comment
jeanettelee Posted April 13, 2013 Author Share Posted April 13, 2013 he is talking about sex as a way of wanting to have sex with you, and once he does he will no longer show interest, period, if this guy have respect for what you want and for you in General,he shouldn`t talk about sex, gentlemen don`t do that. at this point he is your crush, not boyfriend/fiance, no commitment, no promises have been made, you still can have a crush on him from distance ( i don`t see why would you have crush on him anyway) it may be awkward but better safe than sorry, keep it work related, draw a line now, if he crosses it then he is not good for you. thanks for the reply. i kinda thought it could have been me giving the wrong signal. but after i have stated it clearly that i dont like him talking about sex and he still does it... i was really disappointed. u r right. he's prolly not good for me. Link to comment
wolflovesmoon Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 thanks for the reply. i kinda thought it could have been me giving the wrong signal. but after i have stated it clearly that i dont like him talking about sex and he still does it... i was really disappointed. u r right. he's prolly not good for me. i Remember when i first started dating my wife, one time we where having a conversation about a celebrity. about where she is from, and i said, i don`t give a F****k where she is from, ( that was our second date) she did not appreciate the way how i spoke and i did not realize i was rude, i promised to never do it again, and i have not since. there is so much to talk about, about your likes, dislikes, dreams,, work, stuff that concern a woman, anything and everything, Not SEX.SEX.SEX.SEX, its good to compliment a woman you are interested in, but its rude to compliments other women in her presence, that it self should be a BIG RED FLAG Link to comment
Lonewing Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 i still quite like him for who he is except the overly-verbally-sexual bit. i really do not know how to distant him really. we work together and alone quite often. This is a real mixed can of problems indeed. You like him, But you have to work with him...Alone...and he talks to much about things you're not comfortable with, because...? It's adult language...You told him once, sometimes people have to be told more than once, in more than one way, and maybe...there's other ways to do it. Heck, maybe if you simply told him you might have dated him if he didn't talk so much about it, he'd be getting it from you by now. You have a power position as a woman, if you want to pursue it, use it! actually getting into an intimate relationship with him does not seem to be an option for me. (i don't get intimate with someone who isn't a serious partner of mine. ) So here's another roundabout question: why could he not be a serious partner to you? Now long does a serious partnership need to be? Is "forever" the only option? You may not have crossed this road yet in your life, but some times a "short and sweet" relationship is nice. The "fling." Nothing ventured, nothing gained...and he has a crush on you too? Sheesh... The only problem I see is the fact that you work together, and often alone. If you get serious, there won't be much work when you two are alone. If you get serious and then get unserious, you'll have to get new departments, regions, or jobs. If you get serious and stay serious, well, that's another story... Which all brings me back to my original set of options: take him down, or put him out. Link to comment
Blue Spiral Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 Some people are extremely sexual in how they talk. I'm one of them. If a woman doesn't like it, I have a simple way to fix it--I stop talking to them. No point in being around anyone who can't accept who I am. There's no middle-ground in a situation like this: as long as you're around each other, one of you is going to be uncomfortable, either because of what you're hearing or what you're repressing. But there's always a temptation to keep things the same, because you think you can change the dynamic. "I like what I'm getting out of our friendship, so maybe if I can get him to stop wanting sex..." In other words, "If he'd stop wanting what he wants, I could keep getting what I get!" Don't bet on that, unless he has limited options to choose from. Link to comment
jeanettelee Posted April 13, 2013 Author Share Posted April 13, 2013 thank you so much everyone for the replies. these have got me thinking... quite a bit. i guess i need some more time to think about it. what to do or what to say really... im just so very confused. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted April 13, 2013 Share Posted April 13, 2013 He has shown what he is. He won't be changing. It's up to you decide if it's acceptable or not. If not dump him. That is your only choice. Link to comment
jeanettelee Posted April 14, 2013 Author Share Posted April 14, 2013 thanks for all the valuable advices i have pretty much decided to keep a distance between me and him. i shouldn't be enjoying the attention from while I can never accept who he really is. this would be too selfish of me. it's difficult to stay away but i'm gonna do it. Link to comment
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