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Being knocked back for sex..ouch

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This is more of a question for the ladies but guys feel free to chip in...


My boyfriend and I have always enjoyed an active bedroom life- he is always in the mood, I usually am ( apart from a couple of times if Im tired etc) and usually whenever we meet up we usually end up in bed as we only see each other a couple of times a week.


Over the past few times, however, he has just not been in the mood. I have tried to initiate it by kissing etc but he just claims that he is tired. I know that he has been under a lot of stress at work recently but he has never rejected my advances before and, well, even if its irrational, it hurts me a little.


Before you all say `oh come on he`s stressed at work, he`s tired` let me say that he has been stressed/tired before but it has never affected his stress drive-in fact if anything he said it helps him to relax.


Im so used to him initiating sex that its really strange to see him just not wanting it, especially since its happened the last couple of times that I`ve seen him- and considering that we don`t see each other every day, you`d think it would make him want it more.


I don`t know if this is symptomatic of going out for two years and the spark fizling out a bit. This is the first time he`s not been interested.


Ladies has this happened to you? How does it make you feel? I suppose, as women we like to consider ourselves sexy and desirable but being rejected certainy doesn`t make me feel like that at the moment

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Hang on, u reject him for sex sometimes due to tiredness and its ok (im not disagreeing being really tired has its effects) and now he's occasionally rejecting u for the same reasons and your not happy about it? Perhaps he is tired?


Is he rejecting it all the time now? Even earlier in the day? Or at weekends? How old are u both?


It could be to the "sparkle" yes, often sex dies down a little after years, but if your still doing it a couple of times a week, don't panick.


Worst scenrios are that he has lost interest in you/ seeing someone else. But its progbably not that. He is probably just like he said struggling with stress and tiredness at the mo. Give it a month or so and see if things change. GL

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I have only ever rejected him on a couple of times and they have all been one offs. If he had just rejected me once because he was tired or whatever then I wouldn`t have an issue. Its the consecutive nature of it that`s bothering me.


Plus stress affects everyone in different ways. With me it makes me not want to have sex. With him sex is a mode of relaxation. Like I said, he has been as stressed as this before and it has never affected our sex life.


For the record Im 20 and he`s 22- just in case you thought it was a case of middle-aged, can`t be bothered, can`t get it up

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Well like I said above, I think u should just monitor it for now. Give it a month or so and see what happens. Make sure that he isn't stressed and isn't tired and see if his sex drive increases again.


If after getting over the stress and tiredness, his sex drive doesn't increase, there could be more serious problems

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Let me stress my reply is completely what happened to me. All relationships are different, but this was my experience. The slow down of sex was the beginning to the end. First came two dates with no spending of the night...I call it the driveway drop. I was told he had to get going really early the next day and just didn't have the time to spend the night. After that when he would spend the night, there were sexless nights....too tired...to occupied...etc. Then came the slow down in phone calls, going with guys to places we normally went, lack of conversation, etc. When I called him on it, he ended the relationship. There was 11 months of this type of behavior, before relationship ended. As a woman, I think a slow down of desire signals the end it near. Also, it does greatly damage ones ego. I have decided that, in the future, if there is a slow down in the sex, I am not listening to any excuses. I will end the relationship and move on. That is my personal experience and take on the situation. Good luck

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So how long has it been then since he WAS in the mood?


It is my opinion if your partner does not want sex for a long period of time, there is something up. Personally, I never pull the "I have a headache" or "I am not in the mood" since as soon as I get started, I'm in the mood! But I know that if I am purely just not interested or am having some issues with the relationship, I am far less willing or wanting to have sex with my partner.


I would talk to him about it....the threat of talking might make him jump back in bed Just kidding there...but seriously, sex is an important component of a mature, adult, relationship I believe and this is something you do need to talk about. Maybe he is having concerns about the relationship, or maybe his sex drive really is down, but in either case (or another case) you need to see if you are willing to work on it together.



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Thanks for all the advice guys.


I`m pretty sure it`s not an infidelity issue. For a start I don`t think he has time to be unfaithful with all the hours he`s working lol. I supposed I am worried it could be the start of something bad..


Talked to him on the phone about meeting up tonight and there were quite a few innuendos so we`ll see....

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suggest him taking a day or two iff of work and maybe you can just spend it with him and try to relieve his stress and at the same time gain more understaniding of the situation. As everyone else has aid, just sit back and take note of his further actions and then go with ur gut. (thats VERY important) If u get a sense hes cheating try talking to him and if u still have that feeling i know it wil be hard, but i think you should econsider ur relashionship. Ur gut is almost always right so remember, just try not 2 over react and stay calm. Good luck honey.

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Hey - My boyfriend is the exact same way - he is not interested in sex nearly as much as I am - but he is quite a bit older than me too.

At first - I was feeling the same way as you - like feeling really rejected and all that - especially when he didn't want to cuddle or be intimate with me.


So to help myself get OVER the rejected feeling - i Just started concentrating on myself - working out more, spending less time with him - going out with the girls - now if we don't have sex its not really so big of a deal - and when i am out so much he kinda gets clingy again so now when i see him he wants more from me.


There are many reasons why he doesn't want sex anymore - but just try to relax - its not necessarily a bad sign - it could just be him being more comfortable around you now. who knows. But what I said up there is a way to make YOU feel better about yourself.


Hope everything turns out well.

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Good advice guys 8)


Blueskittles-I know exactly what you mean about the `being affectionate issue`.


I have noticed recently that he hadn`t been as cuddly as he used to be-just little things like not giving me a hug when we meet etc. He is usually quite a tactile person.


I met up with him at the weekend and he did seem much more relaxed, being off work etc. I was a little bit more aloof with him..and he seemed to react to that by being more affectionate...so things came to a happy conclusion


I just have a feeling things might go the same way again this week, already he is stressing about `how busy he`s going to be`.


Like a few people mentioned I agree it is a sign of how comfortable he is with me but then I think recently he may have been geting a bit too comfortable-not just the sex thing but also little things like not making an effort with appearance etc when we go out (ok this makes me sound a bit petty, I realise, but it all adds up)


Quite a few people have brought up the issue of cheating. To be honest I guess I feel so secure in my relationship in that sense that I haven`t really considered it. About 6 months ago I did go through a really untrustworthy, insecure stage. Basically I found some flirty text messages on his phone from some girl he met at a conference suggesting they meet up etc. Needless to say I was not pleased but he assured me that nothing had happened- she was just trying to chat him up. I suppose, thinking about it rationally, it`s fair enough-I mean you can`t help it if someone comes on to you right? Guys do it to me if I`m out somewhere without my fella.


At the time I was very suspicious ( we were going thorough a wee rough patch anway chiefly because of his new job which meant we hardly saw each other) but we resolved it and things were great for a while....


Although funnily enough after that incident a security code mysteriously appeared in his mobile phone..but he told me that it appeared by accident after he was messing about the keys.


Oh God..typing all this down does make me look a tad naive...or am I being paranoid? Ahh!!

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you might be a bit paranoid, but understandably.

have you tried talking to him about it ?

If not, talk. Talking always helps things!

On the other hand, maybe you need to be a bit more trusting.

Can you honestly say you never flirt with guys anymore? Flirting can be innocent. He can flirt with a girl, and have it mean nothing.

Im sure things will work out!

Hope things work out

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