What constitutes inappropriate same sex friend behavior when in relationships?

[stranger88]

This is not a thread with a particular situation, but more so one ive considered with several people.

 

I'm just curious to eNA, what is considered inappropriate behavior with the same sex?

 

For instance of course sharing a bed and cuddling with be considered that with the opposite sex, but if its a friend of the same sex is that different for instance?

 

Some girls you meet will comfortably walk naked infront of their friends, if it was a guy this would be an issue, if it is just a friend.

 

Being affectionate in ways that don't include lip on lip kissing etc.

 

You get the idea.

 

A few years back I was in a relationship with a girl and she got incredibly drunk with one of her female friends (it was just the two of them), anyway they slept in the same bed but by gf decided in her drunkennes too sleep nude. I was a bit not impressed with this, but I didn't comment on it. Ive wondered the boundaries here since.

 

I've always just wondered if this is the sort of behavior that is normal to accept and you should think nothing of it or if it is legitimate misconduct? I'm more asking for future relationships of mine just to build a knowledge base.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

I think it depends on the person. I only had one friend i was ever comfortable getting changed in front of. We'd cuddle and sleep in the same bed and hold hands and everything. She was my best friend.

 

However i've since to meet someone i had that sort of close friendship with. These days i think just a quick hug would be acceptable. I'd possibly change in front of one friend, but only down to underwear, never naked.

 

It depends on the people involved, their specific friendship, and their comfort zone.

[rosephase]

I'm naked around my friends male and female. We share hot tubs, bath tubs, swim naked, go to saunas... that kind of thing. I even joke that it's very strange to me to have a close friend who I don't know what they look like naked. I only really sleep with people who I have a sexual relationship and even then that takes awhile. But it doesn't bother me at all if my partners sleep with same sex or opposite sex friends. But I am aware I'm a giant hippie... I have different standards then other people, which is why if it matters to you, you should be talking to the person you start dating about what there standards are. If you don't like stuff like that let them know.

[Fudgie]

I don't have a problem with my boyfriend or I changing clothes in front of a same sex friend.

 

However, cuddling? Eh. Not into it myself. I would share a bed out of necessity myself and wouldn't have a problem with it. I know my boyfriend would sleep on a dirty floor before sleeping in a bed with a same sex friend. He is straight so I wouldn't care though.

 

If I had to share a bed with someone, I don't think he'd be very happy with it because I have had sexual experiences with girls in the past. I don't think he'd worry about me cheating or anything tough. Maybe just being attracted to a girl I'm sleeping next to? I don't know.

[itsallgrand]

For me, it would really come to how I perceived the person's judgment. If their judgment seemed "off" in other little ways, a smaller thing would bother me more than usual. There are lines though. Wouldn't bother me if he changed in front of his friends. Wouldn't bother me if he was comfortable with his nudity in general (and hasn't). Wouldn't even bother me if he slept beside a friend in a bed. But I like some discretion, not too much flashing around, common sense?

 

Would probably bother me a little if he stripped down naked to sleep with a friend though. I mean, why? Being so drunk you can't see if front of you and being confused, I'd let that slip by if it was a super rare occasion.

 

Anything else, I think it would make me uncomfortable. Never been in that situation. Thinking about it, I am ok with even things like *discreet* sharing a naked swim with friends.

 

Again, I think it comes down to mostly my perception of the person's judgment and the individual and the dynamics involved. If it got to where things like this were bothering me more than once, I'd probably wonder about being with the person honestly.

[Fudgie]

^ I am with you. Who in their sober mind, assuming they were straight, would strip down naked and then get into bed with a same sex friend? Okay I could understand it if the person had wet clothes, was camping, and needed to avoid hypothermia. Okay, strip away and get into someone's sleeping bag. But otherwise? What?

 

I see no reason for it. If my boyfriend got naked and slept in a bed with a friend, I'd question his sexuality unless he had a darn good reason for it.

[happy_snapper]

This brings to mind a friend who tried destruct-testing my boundaries.

I think the breaking point was lying on his bed with him, watching Das Boot and him doing that thing where you pretend to stretch and then rest your arm around the other person's shoulders.

"Um, [not naming any names], I did mention that I'm heterosexual, didn't I? I can't help but notice that I'm being cuddled in bed by a gay man."

"I can't help but notice that you don't seem too uncomfortable with the situation...um...am I going too far?"

"Take a guess."

 

Yeah, I know it's different. You're talking about two heterosexual people of the same sex.